Advice for International Students

[icthere]

A few weeks from now, I will start not only a new stage of my education but a new stage in my life. Moving thousands of miles to the US, from a country with a completely different culture, to start grad school is big enough to freak me out and make me unbearably anxious, especially, knowing that I will most probably stay in the country after graduation which makes it more like immigration.

And immigration is tough!!! But, I guess I am lucky to start this process with grad school. I mean, there are many international students like me, and obviously, the environment is much more foreign-friendly than, say, a job environment. Then again, the heavy load of a PhD will most certainly make it harder to put more time and energy on my new "life."

With these said, I am seeking advice, both from you American students and especially from fellow international students on how to help this process go more smoothly. I would particularly appreciate experiences of people who have gone through similar situations.

One specific question that has kept me thinking for a while is that how wise it is to try to find friends from my own country and remain in their "comfortable" circle for a while. This seems like a very reasonable advice, but I know some people who tried this and could never get out of that circle. They remained "foreigners" which is something I certainly don't like.

Please feel free to share your thoughts on this and any piece of advice that you think might help me. Thanks

[fuzzylogician]

A couple of quick thoughts for starters.

Find yourself both foreign and local friends. My experience is that it is in general easier for me to bond with people with similar life experiences to my own, and being an international student is one major event in my life. I've actually found that this extends to Americans who have moved across the country or from small town to large city, etc. They have similar experiences with the initial adjustment, finding friends, etc. although clearly some cultural adjustment is spared them.

Many international students find that it's an easy solution to have friends from their home country to speak their language with and share holidays, familiar foods, etc. The culture/food part you can also teach to your new friends, and it's a great way to stay in touch with your identity. The language you can keep by talking with family/friends from home. So, while it works for some people to have friends from home honestly in most cases I've seen it limits more than helps if you choose your friends according to that criterion.

Be prepared for misunderstanding. More precisely, you may not even realize you're doing something wrong until some time has passed and you're more familiar with the culture. Find yourself friends who you can ask these small things (do you tip X, where do you find service Y, how should I interpret <this thing my professor said>, etc).

[new_to_kin]

I was an international student in the US for my masters. I highly rec making friends with Americans. It will be really helpful to help you tranistion easily into their culture. They can tell you when you make stupid mistakes and if English isn't your first language, it will really help (I come from an Eng speaking country so it wasn't an issue).

Immigration is totally a pain. And it will be until or if you leave. Be really nice and charming to the border people. Have everything ready - be very organized. They will try and trick you by asking sneaky questions. Remember it's just their job.

Another plus of making local friends is that you may be invited to their family's home for holidays which can be really fun and interesting. You'll get a completely new view of what life is like there!

Feel free to PM me if you have any specific questions.

[icthere]

Thank you guys! Great advice...

I guess both of you feel that that making friends with the locals should take priority. But, how easy is it? I mean, how receptive are Americans to foreigners? To be fair, my group of friends here at home is not very open to newcomers, even when there is no problem with the language. So, I don't expect Americans to be more receptive. What do you guys recommend? Improving on my English skills is certainly good advice. But, what else?

[fuzzylogician]

Well it depends a lot on the program you're starting, but in many cases the Americans, just like the international students, will be moving from a different part of the country and essentially starting over, just like you are. In my program, very few people lived in the same city for undergrad as for grad school -- and I live in an area with one of the largest concentrations of institutions for higher education in the world. So it's quite possible that you could make friends within your program or within your school. In the first few weeks of the school year many new students will be looking to make friends. If that fails for whatever reason, you can find friends through shared interest groups. There are several threads in the forums about go about finding suitable groups - for example through volunteering or websites like meetup.com.

[SeriousSillyPutty]

As an American, I find that, on average, international students are more interesting to talk to than other strangers because there are more obvious things to talk about: Where are you from, how long have you been here, how long was your flight, what do you think of American food, etc. And then I can share things I know about the region with more confidence that it will be new information. Especially in science/engineering fields, international students are pretty common, as are international professors* so you might not stand out as much as you fear.

That being said, if I hear a group of students talking in another language, I assume they want to keep doing so, becuase I know how exhausting it can be to talk in a foreign lanugage (in their case, English) so I won't initiate conversation. If I'm not sure how proficient someone is in English, I also don't want to "pounce" on them by asking them questions in English when they aren't preparied.

So, I recommend that you initiate conversations. Even if it's little things like, "Do you know where the drinking fountain is?" or "Is this weather typical around here?" it can show that you are comfortable talking in English, and people are more likely to talk back to you. Since you'll be here a long time, if you want to strike up a conversation, an easy topic might be places you should see in the U.S. True, you won't have time to see the Grand Canyon during your studies, but this should be an easy topic for most Americans, and I always think it's fun to talk about travel.

I know in much of the world, learning British English is standard. Soime words in the US are different, and some euphamisms (nick names for impolite subjects) are very different. For instance, in the States you will never hear someone refer to a restroom as a "lou", and to get someone's attention we always say "excuse me," not "sorry." One important one: That thing on the end of a pencil that is used when you make a mistake is an eraser. (In the UK they call them rubbers, but in the U.S. "a rubber" means "a condom", so don't ask for one unless you really know what you're getting into.)

If you run into a situation where people are using a term that you suspect would be embarassing for them to explain, you can check out urbandictionary.com . Don't trust everything on the site, and I strongly discourage using any words on there, as they are mostly swear words or crass sexual references, but it can still be useful for knowing what others are talking about.

Also -- and I recommended this on another forum -- many campuses have Christian groups that deliberately try to help out international students. ("International Friends" is one I'm familiar with.) They do things like organize social events or help people get furniture, and you don't have to be a Christian to participate.

Oh, and one last thing: Coversations about George W. Bush -- or other U.S. foreign policy decisions -- rarely end well. Try to avoid them . :-)

Good luck!

[kaykaykay]

As an international student I find that American students in my program are very approachable. We are getting closer and closer as friends as we share a lot of school related experiences: PhD is tough and we are all in it together. Also we work on similar topics ,it is very lame but we share our suffering a lot.

Strangely now with the global culture we share a lot of cultural experiences too. They are sometimes surprised.

My advice: try to go to all parties what your cohort organizes and do not be afraid to speak up in group conversations.Just be yourself, talk about what you would be talking with your friends at home you are probably very similar to them(books movies etc). I think political topics are ok too, but probably it depends on the part of the country you are in. Anyway I think they are interested in how foreigners see America so they will not be offended. I sometimes make language mistakes, especially with my accent but we clear it up and we laugh (together ) on it. If I use slang they are very amused(ok if I manage to "get it" they sometimes do not even notice). Just realize that all your cohort (people who go into PhD) will be very educated and even if they do not know much about geography or foreign politics, culture they will be very intelligent. And that makes all the difference.

Edited August 22, 2012 by kaykaykay

[icthere]

Thanks fuzzylogician! I checked the meetups of my area. There were plenty of them and plenty of opportunities for new friends. My only concern is the age range of most of the people using the website which seems to be higher than what I aim for.

SeriousSillyPutty! Great advice on small talk and those language tips. I will certainly use them. And wow! I was happily surprised to learn that you enjoy conversations with internationals more than many Americans. I wonder if you/Americans in general feel the same way about a more involved relationship. I mean, you're right that it may be easier to start a conversation with an international student because the topics to talk about is so much more obvious, but I guess you need more similar interests/experiences than that to go to the next level. Which is my biggest concern and kaykaykay mentioned it wisely: cultural experiences. I mean, I have not watched a full NBA game in my life!

That said, kaykaykay brought about another good point with grad students being so intelligent and educated. I guess we are (on average) more interested in learning new things and more open to new ideas/cultures than other people. Thanks for bringing this into my attention. I feel better knowing that!

Edited August 22, 2012 by icthere

[mirandaw]

Don't worry, icthere. I'm American and I've never watched an entire game of a professional sporting event, either. Every person is different and it's impossible to generalize or assume that each person with a shared overarching culture will have the same experiences, desires, interests, or otherwise. My best advice to you is have great conversations, be true to your interests, and be willing to try new things. Ask questions about things you don't know. If you have an interest in watching a basketball game and you come across someone who loves basketball, tell them you'd love to check out a game because you've never seen one. People love to share their interests with others.

[SeriousSillyPutty]

Yeah, real friendships are trickier, to be sure. As an undergrad, when I spent a year Ireland, it was easier to make friends with the other international students (French, German, Japanese) than with the native students, even though there was no language barrier with the Irish. I think a lot of that was that we met each other right away (at the international orientation day) and that most of the native students didn't need new friends because they'd been attending that university for multiple years and already knew people. (Even so, I did get to know a few Irish people well, and I picked their brains frequently for cultural insights.) Hopefully with you, though, everyone in your cohort will be new and looking to meet people, so I think it should be easier for you.

If it does end up being easier to meet other internationals, maybe try to meet some from other countries, so that you're speaking in English, so you can invite Americans to join in without them "imposing" language restrictions? Ooh! I know! Find some Canadians. They can be your "gateway friends" that help connect you to the broader North American culture, including U.S. folks. :-)