PhD Mech. Eng. (Dynamics and Controls) SOP Review...Please Help!!

[MadScientist]

Hello Everyone,

I've recently finished two of my SOPs and I'm not quite sure if these are good enough. So, I would be really grateful if some of you can review these SOPs and provide some constructive feedbacks.

Thanks

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SOP-1: 2 page/ 1000 words

When I was a child, my father bought me a junior science encyclopedia for my birthday. Going through that book I developed a very strong interest for science and technology that led me to study engineering at college. Currently, I am senior at -------------- University with major in mechanical engineering minors in mathematics and physics. Over the course of my engineering education, I have developed a strong interest in the concentration of Dynamics, Systems, and Controls. I am also passionate about the various interdisciplinary applications of Dynamics and Controls in robotics, micro/nano-systems, space systems and biomechanics. Hence to advance my understanding and fulfill my desire of research in these areas, I have decided to do graduate level work towards PhD in the concentration of dynamics and controls. Through my research about potential PhD programs, I have found that Cornell University best suits my requirements as it is highly active in the research area of my choice. I am particularly interested to join the research groups that are being supervised by Dr. ------------, Dr. --------------, Dr. -------------, Dr. -------------, and Dr. ---------------.

My interest in the field of dynamics, systems and control blossomed for the first time when I took the Mechanical Engineering analysis class with Dr. ------M------. In that class, I learned how to mathematically model mechanical systems using differential equations and then use the model to optimize and control the outputs. I had the most fascinating experience in that class, when Dr. -------M------ showed us a video of the Big Dog robot developed by Boston Dynamics. I was amazed to see how that robot stabilized itself against all the external disturbances and behaved almost like a living animal. Since, then I have been fascinated about the control applications that have allowed systems to behave in such unique manner and seriously considered going to graduate school.

As a student of ---------------------- University, I had a unique opportunity of being actively involved in research with the outstanding faculty members of the department of mechanical engineering. My first experience in engineering research came on account of being selected by my university for the summer research program called UGROW, during which I worked under the guidance of Dr.----A--- on the feasibility and estimation of various technologies for production of energy on university campuses. I have presented that work in two conferences and the scholarship colloquium of ------. This experience motivated me further to get involved in a research group in which I have worked on the Nonlinear Finite Element Analysis of Aerodynamic Panel Flutter. Meanwhile, I also undertook a small physics research independently, which has been reviewed by Dr. ------D--------, Professor of Physics. But, above all, one particular research experience that had the greatest impact on my research interest for future is the design and optimization of energy producing road rumble system for my senior design project. The ultimate goal of my senior design group is to build a working prototype of mechanical road rumble system that can produce energy when compressed by a moving vehicle. In my senior design group, I have assumed the task of mathematically modeling and optimizing the design parameters of the complex design of the road rumble system. I have explored and implemented various advanced topics of engineering and mathematics like Lagrangian dynamics, impulse & step response and fourier series. All these work has enabled me to have a better understanding of the various concepts discussed during my mechanical engineering, physics and mathematics coursework, and has strengthened my research interest in the core area of dynamics, systems and controls.

As a student my primary goal for education has always been to have sound conceptual understanding of my academics. All my professors and Dr. ------W------ in particular, has inspired and helped me in that pursuit. Dr. ---W---- had a unique style of teaching that focused more on the development of the concepts and ideas among his students than just equipping them with the techniques of solving particular types of problems. In his classes, he usually went beyond the limits of conventional undergraduate material and exposed us to various advanced graduate-level concepts. He also encouraged us to utilize various library and online resources to develop independent learning skills. He often said, "The ability to utilize various resources and learn independently is more important than just acquiring knowledge through coursework". Thus as an admirer of his methods, I have developed very good independent learning and research skills that I am sure will help me tremendously as a PhD student. In fact, it was this attitude of independent learning that made me explore and have a rough overview on some of the advanced concepts in dynamics and controls like linear and non-linear dynamical systems, fuzzy logic, neural networks etc. and helped me in coming to a circumspect decision of doing graduate work in the direction of dynamics and controls. Furthermore, I have come to realize that my academic attitude and abilities of independent learning and critical thinking are best suited for a career in research and innovation. Therefore enrolling to a PhD program would be my first step towards my ultimate career goal of becoming a researcher.

Thus, to sum it all up, I feel that through all these experiences of my undergraduate study, I have gained all the skills necessary for graduate work towards PhD. I have been able to form a strong conceptual basis through all my coursework, undergraduate research experience and teaching experience, which will help me through my graduate study in the concentration of dynamics and controls. However, most importantly I have attained the essential qualities and attitude of hard work and perseverance to be successful as a graduate student. Hence, given the opportunity, I am convinced that I can be a valuable student in the PhD program of the Department of Mechanical and Aerospace Engineering at Cornell University.

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SOP-2: 500 words----Trimmed down from the first SOP, so please let me know if I should include something...

As a student of ________ University, with a major in Mechanical Engineering and minors in Mathematics and Physics, I had the opportunity to understand and work on various areas of mechanical engineering. One particular area for which I have developed the most profound interest is Control Systems. One of the things that initially hooked my interest in this field was a short video of the Big Dog robot developed by Boston Dynamics. I was amazed to see that robot balance itself and maintain its stability against all the external disturbances and thus decided to do graduate level work towards a PhD in the concentration of Control Systems. Among all the schools that I have looked into, I have found that Purdue University has one of the best establishments for research in the concentration of Control Systems. Hence, I am applying to the Mechanical Engineering PhD program in Purdue University and I am particularly interested about some of the research projects that are being supervised by Dr.________, Dr. _______, Dr. _____, Dr. ________, Dr. ______, and Dr. ______.

Through out the course of my undergraduate degree, I have been involved in a number of research projects, including one independent research in Physics. I have also presented one of these research works in two conferences and the scholarship colloquium of _____________University. However, one particular research experience that really shaped my research interest for graduate school is the design and optimization of energy producing road rumble system for my senior design project. The ultimate goal of my senior design group is to build a working prototype of mechanical road rumble system that can produce energy when depressed by a moving vehicle. In my senior design group, I have assumed the task of mathematically modeling and optimizing the design parameters of the complex design of the road rumble system. I have explored and implemented various advanced topics of engineering and mathematics like Lagrangian dynamics, impulse & step response and fourier series. All these work has enabled me to have a better understanding of the various concepts discussed during my mechanical engineering, physics and mathematics coursework, and has strengthened my research interest in the core area of dynamics, systems and controls.

As a student my primary goal for education has always been to have a sound conceptual basis for my academics. One of my professors, Dr._____W___ has been my greatest inspiration in that pursuit. Dr. ___W___, in his classes, always stressed upon conceptual understanding of the basics and often went beyond the limits of conventional undergraduate material by exposing us to graduate level concepts. He encouraged us to use library and internet resources and be proficient on those concepts. As an admirer of Dr. _____'s methods, I have developed excellent independent learning and research skills that would help me in my graduate study and in my pursuit towards my career goal of becoming a researcher in the field of Control Systems.

[TeaGirl]

The second one is better than the first. The first one dwells too much on some things that are not really important and seems to drag on a bit. The second got to the good stuff right away without wasting time or space. Add a conclusion and a somewhat better opening statement/intro (I wouldn't go with the 'as a child' route, though, personally), a few more details here and there, and it'll be good.

You should say though what exactly did the independent research in physics entailed and what did you accomplish from it. Also, expand a bit more on the research you did and presented in the conferences and mention the names of the conferences, especially if they're good ones.

Finally, some sentences are a little awkwardly phrased, ex. "My first experience in engineering research came on account of being selected..." A better wording for that may be "I first became engaged in research when I was selected..." The engineering is redundant since everyone reading this knows you are studying and applying for an engineering degree. You end up with a shorter sentence that delivers the same meaning in a straightforward but competent way. Another awkward phrase, "circumspect decision of doing graduate work in the direction of dynamics and controls" I don't think circumspect is the word you're looking for, as it has connotations of a well studied decision because one is trying to be discreet. Also "in the direction of" sounds a bit odd.

I really really suggest that you have someone who's really good at writing proof read your statement and make suggestions. Or take it to the writing center at your university if you have one.

Btw, this is all just my opinion. You should also have a look at this about SOP mistakes to avoid

Edited November 21, 2012 by TeaGirl

[smmmu]

Two things that immediately stood out:

1) When I was a child' - Delete that sentence, it's quite cliche, and simply not relevant.

2) 'I have developed very good independent learning and research skills' - Don't spell that out. If anything, imply it (e.g. talk in detail about a research project you did). Generally that whole paragraph seems a bit vague and could probably be left out entirely.

I agree with TeaGirl that your second draft is much better. (Another thought: If they say 'at most 1000 words', they likely mean that as an upper limit. I don't think you'd go wrong submitting 500.)

Other than that I think you're on the right track. Generally I'd say if anything focus more on research and less on 'soft' matters (e.g. last two paragraphs in your 1st draft).

[MadScientist]

Great advice..Thanks both of you