Evaluate my Phd Statement of purpose.

[ash.gaaly]

Hi forum,

I just finished my sop for phd in industrial engineering. I hope there are some people willing to evaluate it and give me some advise. Please PM me ASAP

thanks in advance

[ash.gaaly]

So since no one replied I'm gonna put it here

In the developing countries as well mine, there is impartial distribution of the resources and services among the society, due to the limited financial resources. Therefore, there is a demand for an extensive research work regarding the sustainable and balanced distribution of the social services, industrial products and possessed resources among the country and society. This is the kind of research I plan to pursue my PhD study with.

I completed a double major in statistics and computer science in my undergraduate study. This degree has provided a through exposure to various specialties in mathematics, statistics and computer science. In addition, I read a vast array of work myself on linear programming, quality control and supply chain management. This substantial amount of reading was an eye-opener to industrial engineering (IE). I became fascinated with the IE as a way of representing, analyzing, predicting and optimizing the systems around us. My education along with the independent readings solidified my interest in IE and intensified my desire to pursue my study through in that discipline. I then completed my master in industrial and systems engineering as a research assistant. The choice of my study as well as the chosen subjects during my master was driven by my desire to learn, in theory and in practice, as much as I can about combining curiosity and knowledge into perceptible product.

During my education years, I was actively conducting research in different fields, e.g. simulation and queuing models, quality control, inventory control and production planning. I was distinguished in the quality and the quantity of my delivered research. I have the ability to make critical analysis, to assess fairly different ideas and to think out of the box while tackling any problem. Likewise, I have the ability to take initiatives, work independently, and participate in team work as a cooperative member or as a leader. I have learned how to overcome the challenges and difficulties and pick myself back up along the way. For example, I remember that I proposed my senior project problem to the project coordinator myself. The project objective was to reduce the patients waiting time at emergency department of Khartoum Teaching Hospital using the queuing theory and simulation. I had to collect the data throughout the day for three consecutive months from the hospital. I attained that without affecting the quality of both my education and class attendance and the project itself. Furthermore, during my master’s study, I found an encouraging research environment at my graduate school, in addition to the outstanding caliber of the researchers I privileged to work with. That is resulted in two journal publications, three journal papers under revision and two presented conference papers. I am proud of my master thesis, because I have initiated the usage of multi-objective optimization in formulating and solving the process targeting problems. I also was involved in a project conducted by the university to set the locations of base station for cellular phones. Currently after graduating, I am still working on a research on the quality control of serial production systems.

I intend to further my doctorate study and undertake research that uses and applies the tools and potentials of operation research and statistics in improving the design and operation of complex and interdisciplinary systems, e.g. Healthcare engineering and management, transportation and logistics and regional and urban planning. The research of such systems is developing as true interdisciplinary fields of integrated methods and knowledge from many perspectives, such as operation research, statistics, economics, and computer science with social, communication, and policy research. Finally, these methods and knowledge are combined into conceptual frameworks. Working in collaboration with professionals and decision makers, as an industrial engineer, I can develop data-driven tools and methodologies that allow efficient, safe and cost effective service delivery with improved outcomes while leveraging appropriate informatics technologies. I am expecting to be engaged in knowledge and hypothesis generation, predictive modeling, optimization, decision sciences and robust device design. That engagement can be achieved by developing good models, efficient optimization algorithms and comprehensive simulation.

The driving force behind my desire to further my doctorate study at xxx is to obtain the broader skills, background and knowledge necessary to be an effective professional and an influential person who makes a significant impact and contribution to my family, society, country and even the entire world. In the long term I plan to be a distinct researcher and university instructor in my country to benefit both people and society. I am not claiming that I will solve to some global problems, yet I will do my role to benefit others, and then be an idol for young people to play their own role in the society too. I consider xxx the ideal platform to lunch my career path, regarding its consistently rating among the top institutions in the world for the quality and breadth of its research enterprise, for the scholarly distinction of its faculty, and for the excellence of its PhD program.

I believe this statement presents to you a well-rounded young professional, equipped with necessary knowledge, research skill and working experience accompanying with my ambitions and readiness, to succeed in IE as a profession.

Thank you for considering my application.

Edited December 12, 2012 by ash.gaaly

[selecttext]

Hi,

I think that your opening paragraph should be more specific. Before discussing your academic background, you should explicitly state your research interests and academic goals. You should then state your reasons for applying to the department. Only then should you discuss why you are a great researcher and student. In its current form, the admissions committee will have to dig for this information.

Good luck.

[rich1234]

As far as your research interests and content area, I can't speak to that. Just looking at it from the perspective of a writer, I would work on its general "readability" you have your rough draft, but I would break it up into more manageable paragraphs and try to attain a more natural / logical flow to your ideas. Definitely find an English major or writing center to help edit it for you.

-My 2 cents

Edited December 13, 2012 by rich1234

[Satybarole]

Hi,
I am not an expert but, I think you should more focus in your project which are you completed in graduation. So elaborate your experience in projects and your knowledge about your field which field you want.

 

[yasirhameed]

You need to make the opening statement more about you and what you want...less vague...some choice of words is slightly wrong i.e. "During my education years,"I intend to further my doctorate study"... please correct those... and dont make a generalized sop... be specific about why you want to attend xxx

[awells27]

1.  You have 

 

Hi,

I think that your opening paragraph should be more specific. Before discussing your academic background, you should explicitly state your research interests and academic goals. You should then state your reasons for applying to the department. Only then should you discuss why you are a great researcher and student. In its current form, the admissions committee will have to dig for this information.

Good luck.

I agree with this comment.  First give your intended research emphasis in broad terms.  Then give specific specializations that you intend to pursue.  This can lead right into your next paragraph, which should state at least one primary faculty member at the school to which you were applying.  You should demonstrate knowledge of their work and why their research interests match yours in terms of both content and methodology.  In other words, you want to continue and expand upon the research already being done where you are applying.  Your next paragraph can then demonstrate how your academic and professional background has prepared you for the PhD program.  Finally, you can then list your career objectives and how the PhD program will prepare you for these.  Also, have a native English speaker and writer edit your SOP, so that the common errors of non-native speakers, totally understandable, can be fixed.  Keep at it!