How open should I be about having a family?

[Angua]

There is truth to your concern, but keep in mind that admissions decisions are often made at a departmental level. The difference between getting admitted or rejected can sometimes be all about having someone willing to go to bat for you. On the flip side of this way of doing things, other adcom members, who are championing other students, might be looking for obvious flaws in your application. Make sure not to give them any. The person arguing against your acceptance may (often) have nothing to do with your work in the department, in case you're accepted. Because of this, I recommend first getting the offer and then finding out how the relevant people in the department - your potential advisors and others who will likely sit on your committee - feel about whatever issue you are worried about. Do it once the odds are in your favor: when they are courting you, not before.

 

Well, for me, the XYZ had to do with my quirky research interests, so it was a much more directly relevant question.  I think you've both made excellent arguments, though, especially for an "XYZ" that is less central -- in this case, I'm not sure which category having a family falls into.  I don't have kids, but if I did, I think I would still be uncomfortable where a member of the committee would feel it was okay to argue that I should not be admitted because I was a mother -- and where that person's opinion carried any weight.

[Onedayx3]

I've been very upfront about the fact that I'm married with kids. My field is almost all women, and I'm older, so there didn't seem any point in hiding. I actually believe I have more to lose by not being successful in a PhD program than a younger, childless version of myself since I have three little ones depending on me to feed, clothe, and house them. Among other things.

 

I agree! I had a completely different college experience as an undergrad with a small child than my peers did. When they were opting to sleep in, I had to remember I would be taking days off for my daughter and my sicknesses, and therefore had few to spare. I graduated Summa Cum Laud, and I attribute most of it to the tenacious attitude I've had to have to get the work done in spite of the adversity. I asked a mentor about financial aid in the application process, and she told me to mention it in my SOI. I felt that mentioning the fact that I was a single mom was relevant to making a statement about my "need" for assistance.

I did not expect, however, for them to address this in my interview! One of the professors asked me about the statement, and if I did not receive funding would I still be able to continue my studies? I did stumble a bit, but I used it as an opportunity to demonstrate my determination to my studies. I told them I would seek outside sources, and do whatever I could to assure I completed the program. They also assured me that usually this is not an issue, and that they were trying to encourage me.

I agree that in a formal application process you wouldn't want to give them any reason to think you would be distracted from your studies. I mentioned it because I was told to mention my circumstance for financial need, and I think it was better to be upfront than be passed up for an opportunity. For me, I probably would have reapplied the following year if I did not get any financial assistance.

 

I'd get your education and career first....families are best afterwards. 

You'll have more time to dedicate to studies without little kids running around there are SOOO many responsibilites with starting a family....my mum started a family when she was only 20 something, and she said herself, she felt she didn't do as good a job as she would have if she were older (you mellow out and are more knowledgeable) ^.^

I would be careful before making lifestyle recommendations to others in too hasty a fashion Menadue1978. I think the post was originally geared towards those who already have children. I had my daughter at 19, and was married to my high school sweetheart (at the time). There have been several times my professor told me, "It's better to go to grad school with no kids or SO". I wanted to tell him, "I can't exactly undo my six year old...but thank you for the advice". What I want to hear is "How it can work?", and "Who can I talk to that knows about this already?" I think that's the benefit of these forums, sharing wisdom with each other.

[Chubberubber]

Sorry to revive such an old post, but I'm facing a similar situation with one major difference- I am a male (hate the fact that we live in a world where that might make a difference, but that's the world we live in...)

Do you think that makes a difference or should I still try and minimize the fact that I have a young daughter (I did mentioned it briefly in my diversity statement and SOP)?

[FinallyAccepted]

Sorry to revive such an old post, but I'm facing a similar situation with one major difference- I am a male (hate the fact that we live in a world where that might make a difference, but that's the world we live in...)

Do you think that makes a difference or should I still try and minimize the fact that I have a young daughter (I did mentioned it briefly in my diversity statement and SOP)?

Are you a single parent?

[shadowclaw]

I've read a few articles that mention having children is viewed negatively for women but positively for men. Somewhere on this forum, someone posted some links to some nice blog posts about the challenges of women in academia, but the search isn't working right for me and I can't find it. In any event, a quick Google search shows several articles about it, but they really don't go into detail about men. There's usually just a brief note that children are good for a man's career.

So I don't know if that's helpful. I don't think the issue of children or significant others should come up at all in an interview (since it's not relevant to your qualifications), but I suppose it could. I feel like they would be more likely to directly ask a woman about it than a man. However, since you mentioned it your SOP, they might. I don't think I would try to hide it, but I don't think I would volunteer the information out of the blue.

[Chubberubber]

Thanks, this is really helpful!

I am married, which probably makes a difference since my wife would like to stay at ho,e with the baby (maybe get a part time job but not full time). 

I'm very appreciative of your advice shadowclaw, since I would have done exactly the opposite. Where I'm from (not the U.S/ Canada) having a family is something that always comes up in interviews, and generally viewed quite favourably albeit probably more so for men than for women. I'll try to stay clear of it, even though like many young parents I often turn to talk about how *amazing* my baby is...   I Guess professors don't like hearing that anymore than my friends do! 

[FinallyAccepted]

I don't think it should affect your chances. Because you are not the only person taking care of your daughter, an adcomm shouldn't see that as an obstacle to your finishing the program, while they might have seen it that way for a woman in the same position.