Statement of Purpose Review | Fall 2013 | Urgent (deadline soon)

[itsBatman]

Dear friends,

I am in urgent need of an SOP review for an application that is due soon. I have presented my SOP here for Masters in Reservoir Geosciences (Petroleum Engineering).  Could you please provide a review and also help me shorten the essay ? Thanks

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

An instinctive liking towards science and a passion towards technology motivated me to choose engineering as a profession. I would like to take this opportunity to describe my educational background and career objectives that have motivated me to pursue a career in the petroleum industry.

From a very young age, physics has been the driving force of my curiosity towards all things around me. My father, who is an engineer himself, supported this curiosity and helped me in learning the basic applications of physics to things around me. With an urge to develop a deeper understanding of the application of basic sciences, I majored in physics, chemistry, mathematics and computer science during high school.

My undergraduate education in Civil Engineering led me to acquire a strong background of concepts such as structural engineering, strength of materials, fluid mechanics and geotechnical engineering. During my studies, I undertook a research project in my final semester on increased use of fly ash as a construction material. Based on the findings, I also authored a research paper, which was adjudged "Best Paper Presented" at two national level seminars. I also presented this research to the State government of Karnataka, who in conjuncture with other findings, have implemented stricter controls for using fly ash in construction materials.

During my final semester of engineering, the subject of Project Management and the importance it held in large-scale projects intrigued me. This interest came naturally to me since I had held several positions of responsibility during my academic career. I had been elected as the class representative, survey camp secretary and also selected as the team-lead for the college’s performance arts team. To hone this ability to motivate and lead teams in a project atmosphere, I set out to study the subject of project management at a graduate level.

During my graduate studies of project management at the University of Manchester, I developed critical understanding of subjects such as risk management, planning and control of projects. My graduate studies bought me in contact with several professionals in the oil and gas industry; and these interactions made me better aware of a career in petroleum engineering, its unique challenges and its widespread impact even beyond the energy sector.

I was then recruited by KPMG (India) as a consultant into their Major Projects Advisory  team. The job required me to travel extensively across India and I provided project management solutions to large-scale EPC projects ranging up-to INR 80 billion. This enabled me to gain crucial industry experience in the delivery of complex engineering projects across varying landscapes.

During my stint at KPMG, there had been a great deal of focus on subject of increasing energy consumption, dwindling resources and slow growth of alternative energy sources. These trends further inspired me to build on my technical skills and to be a part of engineering teams that explore economical ways of exploring for oil and gas.

However, due to a family health emergency, I had to move back to my hometown of Bangalore and could not immediately pursue this interest. Despite these troubling times, I chose to continue my work and joined an IT startup that was located at a close proximity to my family. Although I was originally recruited to manage projects handled by my new company, I was quickly able to learn software programming and was promoted to the position of a software development manager.

Despite working in a technology company, I maintained my interactions with those in the oil and gas industry and soon recognized that the industry faced an acute shortage of skilled engineers who can help maintain a constant supply of oil to the consumer. In all these years, my ambition to join and contribute to the oil and gas industry has grown stronger. A career in oil and gas is very attractive to me as it also offers great opportunities to travel and work with multicultural teams around the world.  

As a civil engineer with experience in managing and delivering engineering projects, I have had the distinct opportunity to work in diverse environments, with different cultures and lead teams in challenging conditions. In my pursuit to contribute to the petroleum industry, I feel that the only remaining skill to acquire is that of petroleum and reservoir engineering.  In the long term, I am highly interested in the possibilities of using my understanding of petroleum engineering to develop cleaner, safer, more efficient and economical ways of extracting oil.

I envision a career in this field as a culmination of my varied interest and I would appreciate the opportunity to pursue this at the Institut Français du Pétrole. The study of petroleum  engineering at a graduate level is a crucial step in my professional life. I believe that the IFP Energies Nouvelles’s great rapport with the industry can provide excellent opportunities to work on real time projects and network with professionals. I am highly excited to be interacting with engineers, academics and professionals from various backgrounds. I am also excited about of prospects to work with and learn from professors such as Jean-Pierre Deflandre, Philippe Joseph and Jean-Luc Mari whose research in reservoir engineering and enhanced oil recovery is recognized throughout the industry. In addition, the school's close association to the industry provides a great opportunity  to work on real time projects.

I am confident that I have the preparations and potentials to prove an asset to your graduate program as a graduate student and as an assistant with research or teaching duties. Thank you for your consideration I look forward to an intellectually inspiring and fruitful association with your university.

[sugarmilk]

You could cut out the "from a very young age" paragraph. High school is too far removed to matter much.

[ridofme]

I don't know anything about engineering, but I'll make some general comments. I think it's a compelling, well-written essay overall, except for the intro. Unfortunately, a shaky start could cause the adcoms to dismiss an otherwise great essay, so I would try to rework it. I might cut the entire first paragraph, actually. It doesn't really add much, and you don't need to announce that you

 

would like to take this opportunity to describe my educational background and career objectives

 

...that's the whole point of the SOP. That said, if you want to keep the paragraph, I suggest rewriting with the opening phrase, which is quite awkward:

 

An instinctive liking towards science and a passion towards technology

While 'liking' can be used as a noun, it really doesn't work here (unless this sounds more natural in British English...I can't speak to that) I'm not sure about your use of the word 'instictive' either. I would also replace 'towards' with 'for'. My suggestion: "An innate interest in science and passion for technology..."

 

While I agree with sugarmilk that early life experiences are not relevant to grad school applications, I don't think you dwell too much on the subject, so it's not particularly offensive to my sensibilities. But if you're struggling to make a word count, that's a place you could cut.

 

From the third paragraph on, I think it's top-notch.