Decision dilemma

[diamedic17]

Hi

 

I have been stressing myself out for the past few days over this and I thought maybe this could be the place to get some advice.

 

I was recently accepted to my top choice school and while I haven't heard anything from my number 2, I am assuming acceptance there as well (this wouldn't be a dilemma if I don't get into number 2).  Here is my issue

 

School #1 Pros:  Has all of the research opportunities, facilities, and choices that I could have ever wanted.  The atmosphere is phenomenal and it would be an awesome place to raise my daughter.  I also know that my wife would love to live in the area and jobs for her are reletively abundant.  Free access to talks and events at 2 very well known government labs.  Excellent public school system for my daughter.

 

School #1 Cons: The cost of living is absolutely astronomical.  A two bedroom apartment averages around 1700/month, daycare is about 1000/month and there is very little public transportation meaning we would need to own two cars. No family nearby (closest is 3 hours away). 

 

School #2 Pros:  Awesome atmosphere and great faculty, pretty interesting research opportunities just not 100% what I am looking for.  Location is ideal.  One to two hours from home, much lower cost of living (3 bedroom home with backyard and parking 1500/month, 800/month for daycare and very well established public transportation).  My brother lives there and my sister in law has accepted a job that starts the same time school does so she will be there as well.  My wife would have absolutely no problem getting a job. 

 

School #2 Cons:  Not as awesome research opportunities.  I'm not guarenteed to be working on exactly what I want.  Not so great public schools for my daughter.

 

Note:  My wife has her master's and could realistically bring home 90,000/year but her student loans are in the 120k range (private four year school with no scholarship).

 

I know that our family will thrive and be comfortable living in School #2's area.  I am not so sure about the location for School #1.  This has been driving me crazy all week because I would love to accept the offer from School #1 but I don't want my wife and daughter to have to sacrifice a great life for the next 5-6 years just because of me.  Any input would be great.

[rising_star]

This isn't even worth thinking about until you know for sure whether you've gotten into School #2 and what the funding situation at each institution is like.

[diamedic17]

Both stipends are exactly the same with full tuition at both.  I realize if school 2 rejects me then my stress is for naught but if they do accept me, I want to be able to make the decision as soon as possible because my wife and I are going to take a trip to whatever place we decide to find housing in March because it is the only time we can both get off of work together.

[selecttext]

you have a kid and are massively in debt - it doesn't sound like #1 should even be an option.

[bamafan]

I agree. Even if you think you know what you want to do, that may change, and honestly, a single visit will not necessarily expose you to the grad experience. Maybe #1 is a perfect research fit but all the PIs are dicks or you dont get along with them. Likewise, I am positive that there is somebody at almost any renowned, good school you could work with. 

 

Given your family's financial situation alone and ignoring all other factors, #1 seems a bad choice. But again, don't waste any time thinking about this unless you know you got in to #2. It's bad to be presumptuous. That's how you get disappointed.