Declining offers politics.

[qed67]

Hey guys, I'm trying to see what the "moral" thing to do is in this situation. It's gonna take a few sentences to explain this. I got into like 5 schools, all top 10 or so in my field. Here's the scenario:

 

School A: I think this is my #1 pick... did research here for a summer and know the guy I would work with if I were to attend.

School B: Just as pretigous as school A, but never been here before. Don't know anyone.

School C: Same academic "tier" as A and B. I've visited the department before and sit down the guys I would like to work with.

Schools D&E: Litte lower in "prestige" than the above. Never been to either so I don't know if it's justifed to say so.

 

Now school A I like the research, but the enivorment was a little depressing. School C, I like the departement/city/vibe, but I don't think their research is as good as A or B.

 

The people from school C called me a couple weeks ago and asked me if I really wanted to come to C, because when I visited it "seemed to them that I was more interested in A since I had already worked there." Now at the time I had no idea if I would really get into A, so of course I said I really liked C, and was offered admission to C a few days later.

 

Here's what I need help with:

 

Now I'm not sure what the best way to handle these offers is. I'm going to decline E because the visting days conflict with A. School D, I don't know what to do with. It's a very good school, but the only way I would go is if I visit and I find that the environment beyond amazing. But this may be unrealistic to expect, and I don't want to visit and waste their time & money when I could decline now and let someone else that really wants to be there have the spot (If they have a waitlist that is... IDK).

 

Now C... I feel I'll make an enemy if I decline, because he was basically asking me if I will definitley come. I think I was being "bullied" with that call though, so this can't be helped. I just need to think about it some more before I make a decision because I think I might be happier at C despite the research being not as good. Anyway, should I visit C again? Is there a point in going to the open house if I already met the faculty?

 

A and B I will visit because I haven't seen B and I just so happens to be near A and their visiting days are back-to-back.

 

Any thoughts on my plan? Should I just decline C and D right off?

[Physwimic]

First, in my opinion, whenever a school asks you "if you are really interested in going there," it is kind of an obnoxious thing to do.  They know that we are all in hard situations where we are weighing a lot of variables and often don't have all the information when we are asked this question.  In that sense, I think you were perfectly justified in answering "yes, I am considering your school," and are also perfectly justified in declining a spot later.  There is also a reason to visit at the open house for any school if there is a chance that you may want to go, since this gives you an opportunity to meet your potential classmates, other students in the program, and get the information to make a decision either way.  As for the idea that you would be "stealing" a spot from someone else, if you believe there is a chance that you may go to that school, it is your right to visit.  There is no way to even be sure that you dropping out will free up another spot.  That being said, if there is no way that you are ever going to go to the school and you still choose to go to be wined and dined, then you have entered into an amoral regime.

[kaputzing]

If you believe the school actually has the chance to woo you, then go. Only decline offers if you are sure that there's no chance in hell they'll be able to convince you to attend.

 

You sound like you like School C well enough though, so I would definitely visit. You will probably get the chance to meet some of your cohorts as well, and, who knows, you might find the cohort atmosphere more to your liking at School C than at School A. Chat with some of the grad students to see how your POIs at C might work, etc.

[ShortLong]

I have been told by grad school friends that the environment is very important, and to go to a school with happy grad students. If the current grad students aren't happy, what makes you think you will be?

 

That said, will you be happy at a school with a "little depressing" environment? You will be there for a long time. The environment is as important as the research. If you are happy you are more likely to finish.

[qed67]

You know, I don't know if I'll be happy at A or not. It's like a dream school but there's a running joke that everyone hates it there. I think I was a little depressed over the summer because I was convinced that everyone else was smarter than me and I only got in the REU by some twist of fate. Now I've learned to deal with the 'impostor syndrome" thing (why would I get accepted to the PhD if I'm not good enough?) I think I will handle it better the second round. 

 

I think the everyone hates it there joke comes from how stressful it is keeping up with all the work, but if they can do it... so can I (I hope). I don't want to give up because I was afraid of the pressure when it turns out I might have been capable. I mean, I got in right?

[Peaceful Learner]

You know, I don't know if I'll be happy at A or not. It's like a dream school but there's a running joke that everyone hates it there. I think I was a little depressed over the summer because I was convinced that everyone else was smarter than me and I only got in the REU by some twist of fate. Now I've learned to deal with the 'impostor syndrome" thing (why would I get accepted to the PhD if I'm not good enough?) I think I will handle it better the second round. 

 

I think the everyone hates it there joke comes from how stressful it is keeping up with all the work, but if they can do it... so can I (I hope). I don't want to give up because I was afraid of the pressure when it turns out I might have been capable. I mean, I got in right?

This is why I love gradcafe!!! I feel the EXACT same way in almost the EXACT same situation.  I have a school A that is fantastic, I know the POI, but almost everyone is miserable. However, if you make it through the rigors you come out refined like a diamond (that is, if you make it to the other side). I've also dealt with my imposter syndrome and had a rough summer as well.  I have no idea what I'm going to decide, but I wish you nothing but positivity and well wishes.