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Proofreading and Advice for my SoPin Applied Math

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I was wondering if anyone would be willing to help me proofread my statement of purpose and proved feedback on it.  It is for an applied and computational mathematics MS program, so any advice on what those sort of programs look for would be greatly appreciated.  I have copy and pasted it down below.  Note that I edited out the names of my undergrad institutions, the grad school, and specific names for privacy reasons.  The program's website says "Submit a personal statement of educational objectives".  There is no word limit and it is under 1000 words.




    Between my research experience and my knowledge in mathematics, I am confident that I will be a an asset at [graduate school] . I possess the capacity to learn and understand new material while remaining independent and able to research on my own. In graduate school, I want to study discrete mathematics and cryptography, and am thus interested in the applied and computational mathematics graduate program. My desire to study discrete mathematics and cryptography derives from my math experiences and existing interest in computer security. My college research experiences include designing and running experiments with help from my advisor, and my work as a service technician at the [my state] State Agricultural Experiment Station has allowed me to apply those skills in a more professional setting. I am currently continuing my education at [non-matriculated college], learning more about higher-level algebra and mathematical analysis. My semesters at [undergrad degree college], [community college after college], and [non-matriculated college] have matured me into a productive and motivated scholar.

    I did research while at [undergrad degree college] with Dr. [mentor] and designed the experiments and ran them myself. My project was focused on using oils in oranges and soap as a molluscicide against s nails. Snails are hosts of schistosomiasis, a parasitic infection that can damage internal organs, and the essential oils in oranges are effective in controlling them while biodegradable soaps serve as vehicles of delivery without harming the environment. While my study was inconclusive in determining the effectiveness of orange-scented soap versus plain soap, the research was a great experience in designing my experiments, researching papers, and planning the procedure out. I created a poster detailing my research and presented it along with other students' posters to the [undergrad degree college] Foundation Board of Trustees. This was a great accomplishment for me, since my work was considered a representative of the motivation and quality of [undergrad degree college] students. I also worked as a technician at the [my state] State Agricultural Experiment Station and assisted in research on different species of bees and the effects their pollination had on crops. The work involved identifying different species of bees, tending plants, and quantifying the results in the fall after harvest. These two experiences have taught me of the difficulties and tedium that one encounters in research, and to not be discouraged by them and continue on. Many of the same traits required to succeed and complete an experiment are invaluable in research, no matter the field.

    Classes in discrete mathematics, real analysis, and abstract algebra have taught me how to construct proofs and examine different theories in the field of mathematics. Learning the analysis of real numbers and concepts of algebraic structures will prepare me for my future as a graduate student and then as an analyst or cryptographer. Through my lab courses and math classes, I have learned various techniques in experiment design and mathematical modeling to that will contribute to research. Reading research papers in my biology seminar class and for my own work has given me an understanding of the work involved in experiments. A course in the Java programming language taught me to write my own programs, outlining them, and making sure mistakes were corrected. I learned better study techniques and found topics to motivate me as an upperclassman and in my post-undergrad studies. This is evidenced by my later semesters at [undergrad degree college], and my time at [community college after college] ending with a GPA of 3.71. I believe that the self-awareness involved in how to be a better student has allowed me to reflect on what I want to pursue academically and be motivated.

    My career goals in applied mathematics are to earn a graduate degree and work as a data analyst or a cryptographer. After earning a master's degree, I will reflect on my experiences to decide if I want to work professionally or continue on and earn a PhD. As a data analyst or cryptographer, I intend to work in either private industry or for the government, depending on my options and the specific responsibilities I will have. My interest in being a data analyst is from my biology and math courses where one could see patterns and trends develop and predicting future events from these models. Noticing trends in data and finding the most efficient solution is a satisfying feeling that can play a large role in company or government policy. Analyzing data plays a huge role in geoscience and finance, fields that are important in terms of economy but also interaction with the environment. Meanwhile, my interest in cryptography comes from learning about the applications of math plays in computer security and current events related to cyber espionage. Challenges in cryptography will be present as long as computers and the Internet are prominent in business, military, and government.

    I have chosen to apply to [graduate school] for a variety of reasons. I am interested in research in data assimilation and network analysis. Data assimilation creates a computer model based on past trends, so learning the protocol and procedures would be knowledge I can use in my goals. Similarly, network analysis involves looking at how linked entities communicate and affect each other, another field useful for seeing how parts fit together. Grants to the school from NASA, National Science Foundation, and other government sponsors tell me that the research at [graduate school] is current, is important to the future, and of great interest to professionals outside of the school. The applied and computational mathematics master's degree program is designed to allow students to work professionally in a co-op while still pursuing the degree, a quality that would help me acquire professional experience and make contacts while still in grad school. Overall, I am confident that my schooling and experience has prepared me for graduate school and given me a clear understanding of my goals.

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