Pressure to Decide

[highered_3]

Hey guys,

I've been hanging out on the results board and can't help noticing how many people are asking other people to turn down offers ASAP so that other people can hear from schools. Some websites even say not to keep more than one offer in your hand at a time! While I totally agree that it's best not to keep offers you know you will not accept (I will be turning one down next week for sure, but I want to wait until Monday so that it will be at the top of their e-mail list when they get back to work), what if you are visiting schools?

At this point, I have been accepted to four schools, and am visiting two of those within the next month (I already visited one). I haven't decided either way about these schools. Is it really wrong for me to wait until I've visited the schools to decide whether to turn them down? I'm planning on narrowing it down to 2 after my final visit (early April)... but is that good enough?

Also, anyone else feeling this pressure?

I'm not necessarily feeling the pressure, but I totally know what you're talking about. But I mean...I really feel you have to take as much time as you need. And only you know how much time that is, based on your personal circumstances. If there's a school you for sure know you won't be going to, then yeah, totally inform them. But I understand if there are several schools on equal playing field and you need to gather more info about say, fellowships or funding or anything like that. I don't plan on making any decisions until I hear back from all my schools about fellowships and scholarships, and though I'll try to be considerate about turning down schools in a prompt manner as soon as I have all the facts, I'm not going to stress myself out over someone on the wait list. I can only imagine how awful it must be to be stuck in limbo like that (and soon I may not have to imagine! I still am waiting to hear back from 2 schools and there's a good chance I'll get rejected or wait-listed), but this is a huge decision and a huge investment, both with your time but also your money. You gotta do what you gotta do!

Good luck!

[cara susanna]

As someone who is waitlisted at her last option, I am admittedly biased but please, please do not wait until April 15 unless you're waitlisted at another program or you really need that time to decide. But keep in the mind that the kind of program I'm applying to requires interviews (so most people would have visited already) and you can't hold onto more than 2 offers at a time, so...

[cogneuroforfun]

But keep in the mind that the kind of program I'm applying to requires interviews (so most people would have visited already) and you can't hold onto more than 2 offers at a time, so...

Why can't you hold on to more than two offers at a time? Is that a special clinical psych stipulation or something?

[HelloFeminists]

What new information could possibly pop up in the next month that would make a difference? Honestly, do people not research the programs they apply to? I just find it really hard to believe that people had absolutely no idea of their preference or had never mentally ranked the schools they applied to way back in November/December when they applied. I realize there are issues such as funding to be weighed, but I'm sorry I doubt that much will change in four weeks to help one make their decision, unless one is also on waitlists elsewhere. It has to be an active process, you can't just go around hoping it will hit you one of these days between now and mid-April.

While I completely understand what someone else said about having to wait for more information about a spouse or parent's job situation, a family member's health, funding, etc., I do agree with you, ElusiveMuse, specifically about the number of people here who seem to apply to huge numbers of schools - I've seen a lot of comments of "I've been rejected, but it's ok because there's really no fit" or "What was I thinking applying to so many places anyway?" I think that certain numbers of people, especially as reflected on this website, apply to all the top-name places and don't seem to have really strong stand-out programs, which I think is both a bad and a financially privileged approach [it costs a lot of money to apply to 10-12 programs!]. Again, for everyone who isn't in that scenario, my critique does not apply to you

[grad_applicant]

I couldn't agree more HelloFeminista. I only applied to schools that I knew I would WANT to attend, that had professors whose work I had taken the time to read and whom I e-mailed prior to applying. I also grouped my schools-- 2 safeties, 3 targets, and 3 reaches. Thus, when got accepted to one of my "target" schools, I withdrew from one of the safety schools and turned down the offer I received from the other (and 2 days later I noticed someone else on the forum was accepted!). As it now stands, I have not received any additional offers, but I am waitlisted at my top choice. I have been in communication with Top Choice and whether they can give me a decision by April 15 depends on whether an admitted declines their offer at least a couple of days BEFORE April 15. I also asked if I could come and visit the school in the meantime, and they said that I could come by the school at my own expense, but I would be unable have a 1:1 visit with any faculty (which is what I would want to confirm it is my top choice as I have never been to the school and only know the professors from their amazing work). However, if I move from wait-listed to accepted, Top Choice will pay for my visit and let me have a sit down with a faculty member of my choice. Of course, if this happens on April 14, I can't exactly hop on a red eye flight and get there, meet with faculty, and make by decision by noon on the 15th. Still, finding out on April 14 would give me the option of at least accepting an offer from Top Choice. Unfortunately, the more likely scenario (confirmed by last year's results on grad cafe), is that I won't have a decision by April 15 and I will have to decide whether to accept my offer from Target School or throw caution to the wind and hope that I get off the wait-list at Top Choice. I know that I MIGHT be able to get an extention from Target School, but even having to say "can I get an extention because you are my back-up if I don't get off the wait-list at Top Choice U" sounds bad, and probably makes them less enthusiastic about me as a candidate... especially since, if I do go there, I really need to get selected for an additional grant or summer RA/TA position which they have been kind enough to suggest I apply for. I also looked at that poll on the "Waiting It Out" forum, and noticed how many other students are in my position of being unable to make a choice until they hear back from at least one other school... and then how many other people are in the "I've decided but I haven't told them or declined other offers" category. Like everyone else has said, OF COURSE take the time you genuinely need to decide. No one is suggesting that students make a half-hearteded decision just to get it done quickly. But, like another forumite wisely suggested, take an active approach-- take schools up on their offers to visit (at your mutual earliest convenience), use that time to ask your questions, and let go of that 3rd or 4th offer you know you don't want.

*In return, if I get an offer from Top Choice school, I will immediately turn down Target School, as I know from the results page that someone on the fora is on their waitlist!

[needingspring]

I'm not exactly sure why a fair amount of people on this thread are assuming that the only reason someone wouldn't sit down and make the "tough decision" is because 1) they are too prone to "dithering," and cannot really make a "tough" decision, or that 2) they haven't properly researched their programs before applying, basically don't know what they're doing, and have just thrown money at various applications for the fun of it, etc.

Hmm. My feeling is it's a lot more complicated for some people then that. In my case, once I got into school X, I knew there was only one school (let's call it school Y) that could make turn down school X's acceptance (or at least seriously consider it). And a couple weeks later, much to my surprise, I got into school Y. Acceptances to school X and Y are simultaneously the best outcome for this application process, and, in a way, the worst--there were no other combinations of schools that would have made this decision such a "tough" call. Sure, I'm grateful to have this decision, but, since the schools are so close to each other in ranking and placement, their pros and cons balance each other out in an almost absurd way, and both visits were really strong, I'm still left to work through this and figure it out. Since the visits didn't tip things in one direction or another, I am now contacting a network of neutral advisors (people not located in the actual institutions who can give me an outside, non-biased perspective). The truth is either one could work--but would work differently--and not only do I feel a pressure to decide, but a pressure to make a "right" decision (even if I know both could be the "right" decision, etc.).

So, I think there are also a good amount of us out here with a decision that is indeed "tough," and requires a bit more out of their decision-making skill set. Taking your time to make a "tough decision" is in many cases, a very proactive process. It requires both an honest attempt to work through the problem, and an attempt to move through it as fast as possible. I don't think it makes sense to assume that people who have not decided where they are attending yet are just foolish, lazy, or "dithering."

[TulipOHare]

I'm not exactly sure why a fair amount of people on this thread are assuming that the only reason someone wouldn't sit down and make the "tough decision" is because 1) they are too prone to "dithering," and cannot really make a "tough" decision, or that 2) they haven't properly researched their programs before applying, basically don't know what they're doing, and have just thrown money at various applications for the fun of it, etc. ... I don't think it makes sense to assume that people who have not decided where they are attending yet are just foolish, lazy, or "dithering."

This.

[godardbardotlang]

From both ends, I understand the frustration of needing to know on your waitlist status and also needing the time to make decisions. I still have 2 accepted schools that have given me no indication on funding, and I can't make any decision until I know.

[slowbro]

I do agree with you, ElusiveMuse, specifically about the number of people here who seem to apply to huge numbers of schools - I've seen a lot of comments of "I've been rejected, but it's ok because there's really no fit"...

While it's true that people sometimes apply to programs without researching them much, I suspect that people often say this just to soften the blow of being rejected -- especially on graduate school sites like these where people tend to pick programs more carefully before applying. After all, it's easier to cope with a rejection when you say "oh, I guess my research interests didn't quite mesh with the professors' interests" instead of "oh, I guess other people were better qualified."