Please!!!check my 2nd attempt personal statement letter and give your feedback..thanks

[doslearner]

    I am applying for Msc Accounting and Management,I would like to have your comments to help me improved it.

 

 

    Accountancy and management are developing and providing a wide range of career opportunities full of challenges for graduate’s students studying this field. Now graduate’s students of management and accounting need to learn how to be fluid and flexible to make a successful career. In order to achieve that, strengthen their different accountancy’s as well as management skills and knowledge is mandatory.

 

I decide to apply to Msc Accounting and Management because I believe is the right decision as I want to do career in this field and I am pretty sure that this program will equip me with lot of tools and skills required to do so. In addition, through this program I will have the chance sink into the world of economy and profit of the high demand that is there currently for management and accounting graduates in the jobs market. On the top of this, I have always been fascinated by how Accountancy and management can collaborate to lead a business to success or failure. Furthermore, it is the ability we gain to guide and help customers become more profitable hopefully that even attract me more. By the same token, I always get excited when I solve an accounting problem or successfully balance an account. The courses in business management and management accounting helped me set new goals for myself and dream big. 

 

As far as my personal experiences are concerned, they led to me have patience, self-emotion control as well as realize the importance of listening, respecting the opinions of others and the significance of being versatile. Being an independent person, I believe that my strongest strengths are the abilities to work under a deadline pressure and deliver the expected results quickly, accurately and be self-motivated with the saying “if you give once it will be a habit, give up should not an option don’t give up” from Michael Jordan in head.

In problem-solving situation, I have a tireless eye for details and analyze the problem through several techniques before making any major decision. Skills, I think are necessary to make career in both fields of management and accounting.

 

At college, I did a project work in the last year of my degree program entitled “Working capital management at HMT (INDIA)”.The help of the company’s financial officer in collecting and analyzing data gave me more insights of accountancy,

 

I realized that if I want to do career in this field, a deeper knowledge and strengthening skills are unconditional. This project was a catalyst in the decision of taking my knowledge of accountancy to the next level and follows a career in this domain.More it helps me develop skills like group works and collaboration. 

 

Recently, I had an intern for an Immigration company called Mercan Capital Limited in India, which provided me with in-depth understanding of management uses and its principles. My responsibilities were to teach French, advise and guide workers wishing to settle in Quebec. During this internship I developed skills in motivating, advising people and also it has also improved my communications skills and sense of planning and organizing. 

 

I genuinely possess a passion for management and accounting and have a keen interest in knowing what is happening in the business environment as a whole. I believe that my personal attributes, academic achievements and relevant work experience make me a suitable candidate for course. Another significant factor is that, I am a highly sociable person full of interpersonalskills,open-minded, always happy to meet new persons and who strictly respect the set rules and regulations. More I am person who is always ready to part of students and community events, as I believe through that way I can contribute in my way in creating and promoting a healthy and better student environment.

 

Overall, I see myself as am a set goals achieved-driven person, full of commitment, hardworking and who can turn difficult challenges into a source of opportunities and gain personal profit from them. Enrolling on the university degree of management and accounting is just the beginning for me, I aspire to achieve more in years to come starting with becoming senior manager or manager and accountant in a corporate and on longer term establish my own business corporation. Undoubtedly, if I get admitted at your university I will prove myself as a dedicated, role model student who will make a every work and teaching session counts and will extensively take part of them in order to obtain the maximum knowledge from them.

 

[stephchristine0]

the first paragraph needs to define you! don't define the job field. the board already knows everything about that first paragraphs. briefly and come out strong explaining who are you? where did you come from? as an undergraduate from X I have had the opportunity to do x y and z. I have strengths in the following back grounds. I did this and this and this. I am asking this as a question for my graduate studies. 

 

I would eliminate the first one all together. Totally off topic. THis is about your application. AND why do you want to do to that school? 

Your personal statement should say, "I want to attend X because of my strengths in X, Y, and Z. This is why I feel I am a strong and good addition/candidate to improve the department. "

 

you need to reorganize the structure. In each paragraph, you explain an internship. then the next you jump to something else like what you see is required in the field. Go more in depth with your projects. WHat skills did you polish off? Explain, and elaborate. Tell a story. Your paragraphs are too choppy. 

 

-3 years experience with my own. 

[doslearner]

thanks a for the comments...

[doslearner]

@stephchristine0: Thanks a lot for your comments...i would like to know.... is there any in this letter i can keep?

[stephchristine0]

@stephchristine0: Thanks a lot for your comments...i would like to know.... is there any in this letter i can keep?

don't be that hard on yourself. Take my critism constructively and work towards redoing your essay. 

remember. Define yourself. Follow with your background, experience, and explain why you would like to go to school X because of X, Y, and Z. Don't write me off on this. I've had multiple people tell me to do this and I never listened. 

 

now my SOP says I believe I am a great match for school X because of my skills in leadership, chemistry and etc related research interests. 

[doslearner]

@stephchristine0: i just can't thank you enough, that only sentence "

 

DON'T BE THAT HARD ON YOURSELF"

just save me. really thank you so much.