Advice on awkward situation?

[Ezzy]

What happened with that bathroom? The more you post about this, the more it seems clear to me that you probably did something totally out of line, because I refuse to believe that one small, honest mistake like going through the wrong door would lead to all of this. Did you say something inappropriate? Do something to cross boundaries? Because if so, you deserve all of this. The dearth of women in science is bad enough without predation from within.

[InquilineKea]

...it's possible.

 

It's also possible that I was so idiotic/autistic that I didn't even realize that it was inappropriate at the time..

 

And it's too late now.

 

For some reason I'm so blind to social signals that I need to be reminded of social norms several times... Being reminded once often isn't enough for me..

 

And obviously.. that is something I have to work on.. That's why the dean had made the extremely strong suggestion for me to get social coaching..

Edited April 9, 2013 by InquilineKea

[TakeruK]

It's also possible that I was so idiotic/autistic that I didn't even realize that it was inappropriate at the time..

 

For some reason I'm so blind to social signals that I need to be reminded of social norms several times... Being reminded once often isn't enough for me..

 

And obviously.. that is something I have to work on.. That's why the dean had made the extremely strong suggestion for me to get social coaching..

 

I think this is true, and it might be a bad idea to think/blame the current situation on the Chicago bathroom incident. The incident might be a catalyst or simply just one effect of the deeper more serious problem/cause. It might sound harsh, but what I'm trying to say is that it sounds like you might have a serious social problem that will continue to adversely affect your life if you don't seek help. I'm also saying that even if the specific bathroom incident did not happen, something else might have happened anyways and you might be in the same position you are now. That is, it might not be helpful to be focussing on the effects (e.g. the bathroom) instead of the underlying causes (by seeking social coaching/other help). I'm not in a position to be qualified to judge your "social abilities" (for lack of a better term), so I can only suggest that you seek help (as your dean as also suggested) and go from there.

 

Also, as you have said before, it's likely that the bathroom incident is not the sole reason why the events at Chicago unfolded the way it did. It might have been something you were not even aware you were doing. In the emails and discussions that followed, the bathroom incident might have just been a convenient / concrete thing to refer to. 

 

Edit: I had read an older version of one of your posts earlier today, but did not write the response until now, and the post has now been edited, so the reference to you "blaming" the current problems on the Chicago incident no longer makes sense! But I think the second part about seeking help still applies!

Edited April 10, 2013 by TakeruK

[InquilineKea]

Hmm - thanks so much for your response. I think you're right.

 

I shouldn't simply shift blame to the "Chicago bathroom incident".

 

Mentioning Chicago was only relevant in the sense that it reflected serious underlying problems that could also be affecting me at Brown and that I probably should seek help for.

 

It's certainly possible that something else would have happened at Chicago too. Though one of my friends told me that Chicago had the resources to hire a "personal assistant" for another Chicago math PhD student who was extremely intelligent but who also had serious underlying issues.