S.O.P Critique before I submit my essay- Thank You

[PWUNY103]

Please read my S.O.P and provide any critiques such as grammaratical errors, if something is unclear or if i need to delete something that is not relevant. Thanks everyone

 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Ce_GK6F0Ka_rgC2UBghVizjPc-N1DfXa-RFsm5Y4D5Q/pub

[juilletmercredi]

I am in psychology myself, and I have frequently heard it said by faculty members that students should not use personal family illnesses or disabilities as their motivation for graduate study.  See this article by Appleby & Appleby; the second page (under "personal mental health") outlines this.

Second paragraph, first sentence: "As an undergraduate at Queens College, I double-majored in psychology and sociology.  I was specifically interested in how socioeconomic status and cultural differences influence people's views about disabilities."  Don't capitalize psychology and sociology; they aren't proper nouns.

Your third paragraph feels incomplete.  You had success with the boy, and he started trusting you.  Then what?  How did that experience contribute to your desire to attend graduate school?  I feel like this is an opportunity to elaborate on your desire/passion for your field and further study in it, as well as your future career.  The same is true of the fourth paragraph.  Elaborate a little more.  (Also, minor note, but visual stimuli are not positive reinforcement in and of themselves.)

The first sentence of paragraph 5 leas me to ask "why?"  You actually don't need a master's to teach special education - but you do need initial licensure.  I would reframe that as wanting to study more about special ed so you could further serve the children you really want to, as well as study their problems and try to find solutions.  You can also just be explicit and say that you need initial licensure as well, and you thought it would be best to combine your two goals with Hunter's program.

I would reverse the last and second to last paragraphs - after you say "…and their behavioral interventions." that's where you should talk about why you want to go to Hunter.  You should also elaborate more there - are there classes that appeal to you?  Does Hunter have a reputation for placing people in diverse institutions?  What makes student diversity important to you?  Then your last paragraph should talk about your career goals and plans as a SpEd teacher.  Excise the last sentence completely.