Could someone help with the SOP review for PhD?

[diwakar]

Hi All,

 

I am going to apply for the PhD under Computer science department for IITs. I am writing SOP for first time so need someone to comment and review being so generous. Below is the  SOP i have written.

 

 

Statement of purpose

 

My decision to pursue a PhD is a collective push by my favouritism for originality and the willingness to keep my learning curve rising, which makes me explore the areas of my technical interests. A tryst with the embedded systems at the graduate level as a hobby made me realize the extent upto which the world is embedded today. As a vacation project I designed and developed a robot that was microcontroller based and programming in assembly language. During more than three and half years of my professional career I realised the elegancy, efficiency and complexities involved in real time systems and the software involved. Though my career has been spread across working on various different technologies, but my deep rooted interest and the keenness to research has always been firm on the system level programming, operating systems and involved theory. So now I want to have a full fledged focus on those interests. When I began working around operating systems I was truly amazed by the complexity of the kernel and the capabilities it has in terms of process , memory and CPU management. This was the realization that Real time systems have OS as an integral and indispensible part which ensures the true time bound nature of such systems. Since childhood I have been interseted in aircrafts and the avionics and a desire to be associated to that in some way. This interest even made me fly a Boeing 737 flight simulator. All this pieces fitting made me decide that in the long run I want to propel my research into the real time systems used in aircrafts for flight control,navigation and safety systems.

 

I am currently working independently on the Linux OS programming on user level as well as kernel level, with focus on multithreaded processing. C is the language of choice and power for exploring this domain. On kernel level I am working on timer based modules and device drivers. Perfomance improvements in multithreaded environment, effects and side effects of multithreading practices and optimized signalling at user level applications are some aspects I am working on. I have cultivated a keen interest and understanding towards the Linux operating systems which I want to refine further. Through my learnings I have realized that there are always the better solutions to the problems which might seem solved already. I

 

I believe doing my PhD from  _______ will expose me to the much coveted facilities and the faculties that can help me tread my career path by leveraging my aspirations,skills and commitment. I have always been a distinctive student for my learning abilities and the commitment to find the answers. During my professional tenure I have mentored many of my peers and colleagues, conducted trainings and workshops, which have refined my teaching abilities as well. Under the Ph.D. program I will get enough scope to translate my thinking and ideas to reality by application to the real problems and challenges , which are of a broader significance.

[Caylynn]

Can't comment on the content/structure, but a few grammar notes below:

 

Hi All,

 

I am going to apply for the PhD under Computer science department for IITs. I am writing SOP for first time so need someone to comment and review being so generous. Below is the  SOP i have written.

 

 

 

Statement of purpose

 

My decision to pursue a PhD is a collective push by my favouritism ? this doesn't sound quite right - maybe you want to use desire or some similar word here? for originality and the willingness to keep my learning curve rising, again, sounds awkward, perhaps "continue learning" would be better which makes me explore the areas of my technical interests. A tryst with the embedded systems at the graduate level as a hobby made me realize the extent upto which the world is embedded today. As a vacation project I designed and developed a robot that was microcontroller based and programming in assembly language. During more than three and half years of my professional career I realised the elegancy, efficiency and complexities involved in real time systems and the software involved. Though my career has been spread across working on various different technologies, but my deep rooted interest and the keenness to research has always been firm on the system level programming, operating systems and involved theory. So now I want to have a full fledged focus on those interests. When I began working around operating systems I was truly amazed by the complexity of the kernel and the capabilities it has in terms of process , memory and CPU management. This was the realization that Real time systems have OS as an integral and indispensible part which ensures the true time bound nature of such systems. Since childhood I have been interseted in aircrafts and the avionics and a desire to be associated to that in some way. This interest even made me fly a Boeing 737 flight simulator. All this pieces fitting  again, awkward - I would rephrase made me decide that in the long run I want to propel my research into the real time systems used in aircrafts for flight control,navigation and safety systems.

 

I am currently working independently on the Linux OS programming on  at the user level as well as the kernel level, with a focus on multithreaded processing. C is the language of choice and power for exploring this domain. On kernel level I am working on timer based modules and device drivers. Perfomance improvements in multithreaded environment, effects and side effects of multithreading practices and optimized signalling at user level applications are some aspects I am working on. I have cultivated a keen interest and understanding towards the Linux operating systems which I want to refine further. Through my learnings I have realized that there are always the better solutions to the problems which might seem solved already. I

 

I believe doing my PhD from  _______ will expose me to the much coveted facilities and the faculties that can help me tread my career path by leveraging my aspirations,skills and commitment (what is it about the faculties and facilities that interests you - this sounds much too general). I have always been a distinctive (what do you mean by distinctive - that you stood out to your professors - if that's the case, say so) student for my learning abilities and the commitment to find the answers. During my professional tenure I have mentored many of my peers and colleagues, conducted trainings and workshops, which have refined my teaching abilities as well. Under the Ph.D. program I will get enough "have enough" or "have sufficient" would be better here scope to translate my thinking and ideas to reality by application to the real problems and challenges , which are of a broader significance.

[Crucial BBQ]

Hi All,

 

I am going to apply for the PhD under Computer science department for IITs. I am writing SOP for first time so need someone to comment and review being so generous. Below is the  SOP i have written.

 

 

 

Statement of purpose

 

My decision to pursue a PhD is a collective push by my favouritism for originality and the willingness to keep my learning curve rising, A learning curve is the rate at which new ideas and/or skills can be learned.  The higher the curve, the longer and/or harder it is to learn those skills. So to write that you have a willingness to keep your learning curve "rising" is to say that you wish to always keep your end goal out of reach.  That is different than saying you are a life-long learner or that you push yourself to learn new things; which is what I believe you are getting at.  which makes me explore the areas of my technical interests And what interests are those?  Also, "makes" is an awkward choice of word, and this entire opening sentence is awkward, too. . A tryst A tryst?  Try, Exposure with the embedded systems You can skip "the" as it suggests something very specific.  Try: As something that is more than a hobby, I was able to gain exposure to programming at the graduate level  at the graduate level as a hobby made me realize the extent upto which the world is embedded today  I am certain the admissions committee will know what is meant by "embedded", but, I would avoid using such a word.  In particular when it is not used properly. As a vacation project I designed and developed a robot that was microcontroller based and programming in assembly language. Uh, why was this a vacation project...and do you usually build and program robots while on vacation?  During more than three and half years of my professional career I realised the elegancy, efficiency and complexities involved in real time systems and the software involved This should be your opening. Though my career has been spread across working on various different technologies, but my deep rooted interest and the keenness to conduct/do research has always been firm on the  at system-level programming, operating systems and involved theory has remained consistent....then give a few examples of why/how. So now I want to have a full fledged focus on those interests I wish to pursue these interests through an education at the graduate level . When I began working around with operating systems, I was truly amazed by the complexity of the kernel and the capabilities it has had in terms of process , memory and CPU management. This was the realization that Real time systems have OS What is "OS"? Operating system?  Once again, do not use jargon, even if it is industry standard.   as an integral and indispensible part which ensures the true time bound nature of such systems This entire sentence is completely awkward.  What are you trying to say here?. Since childhood I have been interseted in aircrafts and the avionics and a desire to be associated As in with a club?  Get rid of the whole "since a child thing".  Even though it is 2013, universities in the U.S. still largely remain conservative.  Here, Ph.D.s are historically the route into academia, and, it will sort of be assumed that is what you want, too.  Unless your childhood dream was to work in academia as an adult, no one on the admissions committee is going to care what your childhood fantasies were.  Harsh, yes.  But so true.   to that in some way. This interest even made me fly a Boeing 737 flight simulator Okay, fun!  But what does it have to do with preperation and desire for graduate school?  . All this pieces fitting made me decide that in the long run I want to propel my research into the real time systems used in aircrafts for flight control,navigation and safety systems. I follow what you are saying here, but I would suggest a serious revision.  

 

I am currently working independently on the with Linux OS programming on user level as well as kernel level, with focus on multithreaded processing Why are you working independently?  This could be a drawback for you as it shows your interests to be a hobby. C is the language of choice and power for exploring this domain Choice for who? You?. On At the kernel level I am working on timer based modules and device drivers. Perfomance improvements in multithreaded environment, effects and side effects of multithreading practices and optimized signalling at user level applications are some aspects I am working on These two sentences should be combined into one. I have cultivated a keen  an interest and understanding towards with the Linux operating systems Which Linux OS...there are litterally 1000s of them which I want to refine further. further refine. Through my learnings I have realized that there are always the better solutions to the problems which might seem solved already Consider revising. You make a good point here, but the way it is written is a tad arrogant. . 

 

I believe doing my PhD from  _______ will expose me to the much coveted facilities and the faculties that can help me tread my career path How do you know this?  Do not mention, ever, the prestige of the faculty and/or department. It's blatant brown-nosing and, it may seem hard to believe, shows that you are more interested in prestige than actual research/academia. by leveraging my aspirations,skills and commitment Leveraging?  Earlier you wrote that you desire to keep your learning curve rising. I have always been a distinctive student for my learning abilities and the commitment to find the answers How so?  You need to show, not tell, through examples.This sentence also suggests that you are an individualist, which is evidenced by your earlier mentions of hobby. This is a pitfall, you come across as a potential renegade.  You need to be a team player...especially since you will be doing what they tell you to do.  . During my professional tenure I have mentored many of my peers and colleagues, conducted trainings and workshops, which have refined my teaching abilities as well This is some solid stuff right here; clear examples of why you are potentially qualified for admittance. It is a mistake to limit this to one sentence, it should be expanded to at least three paragraphs. . Under the Ph.D. program I will get enough scope to translate my thinking and ideas to reality by application to the real problems and challenges , which are of a broader significance This last sentence is arrogant.  Instead of saying that you will gain the skills necessary, say that you hope to gain the skills necessary.   

Edited October 18, 2013 by Crucial BBQ

[diwakar]

Thanks guys for the suggestions. Your time devoted for reviewing this is highly appreciated.

I am restructuring the whole SOP as per your suggestions.