Need New Eyes - Applying to Ph.D. programs in W.S.

[SocioFem5]

Hello everyone, 

 

I have been going over my statement for a month now and I am getting sick of looking at it. Every time I look at it, I end up rewriting the whole thing. I was wondering if there was anyone willing to look at my statement and give me constructive criticism. If so, DM me and I will send it to you. 

 

I am applying to 1 sociology department and 3 women's studies departments. 

 

Thank You.......

[SocioFem5]

I am a first generation self-proclaimed feminist who will be the first in her family to pursue a doctoral degree. As a student at your university, I am fully committed to social justice and focused on bridging the gap between social, political, and cultural dynamics. My aim as a graduate student in the doctoral program in Gender Studies at XYZ University is to explore the numerous connections intersecting gender, sexuality, family, race, and power relations. There are two main points to my research that I wish to focus on more intensely. First I am interested in examining how sexuality and gender is constructed in structures of family, the media, and religion. Second, I wish to focus on ways in which the perception of gender and sexuality are maintained by these structures of power. 

As a teaching assistant in the women’s studies department at ABC University, I find it imperative to disassociate social minds from the queer and feminist myths, separating and analyzing gender and sexual expectations from social and cultural experience. My research interests consist of the factors that influence the political, social and cultural constructions of sexuality and gender. My studies in sociology and women’s studies fostered my interest in the emerging fields of the feminist and queer theory.

My interests intersecting gender, sexuality, family, race, religion and power arise from my undergraduate and graduate studies in Sociology at ABC University. I have taken courses that have played a role in allowing my interests to grow: Sociology of Family, Social Inequality, & Gender and Race Inequality.  I worked full-time while carrying a full course load during my undergraduate and graduate studies. I graduated in 2012 with a Bachelor of Arts in Sociology and a minor in Women’s Studies. I was on the Dean’s List for four consecutive semesters from fall 2010 to spring 2012. I currently have a 3.7 GPA in my graduate studies. I will complete my graduate studies in Sociology & Social Justice in May 2014.

My undergraduate studies fostered my passion for the cultural history of gender and sexuality and it has given me the confidence to assert my opinions regarding the feminist perspectives of religion, language, the media, and sexuality. Majoring in Sociology with a concentration on gender and sexuality taught me how to think, not what to think. I was intrigued by the concept of herstory rather than just history, “The personal is political”, feminist theory, and the intersections of race, gender and sexuality.

My goals are to understand and measure how family, religion, the media and language affect the socialization of LGBTQA youth. Furthermore, I would like to explore the differences in ideologies, and analyze how multiple understandings of gender, sexuality and family are filtered into our culture through religion, the media, public policy, and family language, affecting LGBT youth.

As a student at XYZ University, I will sharpen my understanding of gender and its connection to society. My career goals are to become a scholar and be able to relate best to my students because of my interdisciplinary studies. I want to work for a non-profit organization committed to women’s and gay rights. I would also like to start an organization dedicated to empowering young adults who identify as LGBT.

The doctoral program in Gender Studies at XYZ University presents an environment whereby my research interests intersecting gender, sexuality, and culture can be further developed. The works of Dr. Bailey, Dr. Sanders, and Dr. Maher, would aid my own interest as they are also focused on LGBT, family relations, sexual attitudes, and gender. I look forward to working with these experts, learning from their research, and advancing the literature in the field of Gender Studies. In addition, XYZUniversity provides an ideal climate for me to develop my cross-disciplinary interests. I am interested in pursuing a designated emphasis in Sexual Identities. The interdisciplinary nature of XYZ University’s doctoral program would foster rewarding discussions with other departments, particularly the department of Sociology, African American Studies and Religious Studies, thus expanding and enriching my research as well as my general understanding of the feminism.

Edited November 7, 2013 by SocioFem5

[coatlicuefatale]

I am also applying to Phd programs in Women and Gender Studies.  My background is in Women's Studies as well I have a BA and MA in it.  

 

After reading your statement I have a few suggestions for you:

 

1) When I was writing mine I took opened my CV and compared what was on my CV with what I had mentioned on my statement. If you mention it on your CV then you should take it out of your statement that way you are not repeating yourself but that space that is left could be used to discuss your dissertation. ( This mostly relates to the section/paragraph where you talk about the classes you took and your GPA.

2)I think that your should be a bit more specific about your possible dissertation topic and your research interests.  It sounds a little vague. I would suggest that you expand that section and that you maybe discuss what your intervention would be into the discussion. How will your work be different than what is already being discussed.

3) Im not sure if this is because you might have changed things so that they were not to specific about the school BUT it is helpful to really research the campus to not only talk about the professor that you want to work with but also any other programs or campus you might want to work with or centers.  For example, for my top choice school I have been in constant contact with a professor there that I really want to work with and she advised me to not only mention herself and her other colleagues but to talk about the research institute that is part of the department and she gave me names of people to research.  This professor that I am in contact with used to serve on the admissions committee she told me that it was important to demonstrate to the committee that I have done my research about not only the program but the campus as well.

4) I really enjoyed your introduction to the statement you might want to just restructure your conclusion so that you end on a strong note. But more importantly so that it leaves the committee wanting to read more from you (i.e. writing sample)

 

I hope these suggestions are helpful to you! GOOD LUCK!!