Telling admissions committee about significant other

[galaxstar]

Hello forum-goers!

 

I have been exceptionally fortunate to have received a couple of offers from some of my top choice schools. My significant other is also applying to some of these schools, but he has not heard back yet (the programs generally notify students later than the one I applied to).

 

Given that I have been accepted, should I notify the department of my situation? I will not be able to attend this school unless my SO is also accepted, since that was the only school we both applied to in this geographical area. The relevant departments are Computer Science and Mechanical Engineering if anyone has any idea about how much influence various departments have over each other.

 

Thanks for your advice!

 

[danieleWrites]

It seems unlikely that these departments have much influence over each other. You might talk to the graduate school itself, rather than the department, to see what the school's policy is on a pair of students applying to grad programs. The problem is that it's barely February. You and your SO can badger the programs to see where they are in the admissions process (have they even read applications yet?!), when they generally start sending out offers and waitlisting people, and to find out if you've been waitlisted or not. But, it's barely February.

So do the hardest part of grad school for now: wait.

[galaxstar]

I already have an offer with guaranteed funding, so I'm certain that they've accepted me. I also know that they have started sending out interview invitations in mechanical engineering, so they have certainly started reviewing applications. I will check their website to see if they mention anything about student pairs, though, thanks!

[TakeruK]

I agree with danieleWrites that it is unlikely that these two departments will normally consult/interact with one another for admissions. But I think this is exactly why you should inform them right now, instead of waiting!

 

If you wait until the other department makes their decisions, it might be very hard for them to add an extra admission for your SO. My current department (not in either of your fields though) only does 1 wave of admits and does not waitlist. If the other department is like this, then once they have made the decision, it would require a lot of changes to get your SO in.

 

In your specific case (you already have an offer and you are 100% certain you will not attend this school if your SO doesn't get an offer), I would inform your own department right now. Let them know that you are only able to accept their offer if your SO can also get an offer. Sometimes this is risky because you might not get an offer yourself by doing this but since you already have one and that it doesn't really matter that much if they get upset at you for not wanting to go without your SO, there is very little risk to inform them now. 

 

However, I am not certain how much help they can really give. They might not be able to anything at all, and you might just hope that your department informs the other department about your situation. But, what advantage does the other department gain from admitting your SO? So I am doubtful there is much chance of a positive return, but since I also think there is almost zero risk, I think you might want to go ahead and do this. The slight risk is that if your department does tell your SO's department about this, and for some reason, the SO's department finds this offensive, they might treat your SO's application more negatively. I don't think this is going to be a high risk because many people apply with their SOs and this is a common concern for many academics. So, ultimately, I would say why not try?

 

If you were both applying to the same department, then you might have more sway. I know people who got admitted as a couple. This works best when both partners are equally competitive, but some schools will accept someone who might not have gotten in on their own because the "better partner" was worth the difference. 

 

I am assuming you are asking because you want to use your acceptance to help your SO get in, right? If that is not the case, (i.e. you just want to know what your SO's decision is going to be), then danieleWrites is right--it's too early to badger programs about making decisions. The only exception is if, for some reason, your own department gave you a short deadline to respond to their offer, and you want to ask them to give you more time because you need to know your SO's decision before you can make one. If none of these things are true (i.e. no need for extension and you're not trying to negotiate a position for your SO) then I don't think informing your department would be useful to you or them!

[Canis]

I'm dealing with a similar situation - if you do an internet search for "two body problem" you'll find lots of writing with advice on this. It's quite common for professors to get both members of a couple hired - but I've been told this is rare for PhD students. But I don't think it should be - after all, a PhD really is a job you're being hired for. Since you have a solid offer, you can certainly talk to your department about it and ask their advice. Alternately I've heard of the other SO asking their own department for an expedited decision because their SO was already accepted. Read some of the links you find when you do that search and you'll see the ups and downs of doing this.

[Loric]

The mere idea that your SO should get an expedited, or implied positive, admission result because you've been accepted in another program is offensive to me on a very base level.

 

Just be aware, for every positive notion you'll get in regards to the sitiation.. people like me exist and might be on the adcomm of the other program. Just suggesting any sort of preferential treatment would be playing with fire. Rather, more like dousing yourself in jet fuel and then jumping into a volcano.

 

There are not words to properly express how quickly I'd find every flaw in a pending application and banish it to the rejection heap if this sort of things was brought up.

[galaxstar]

The way I see this is not to take a position away from someone who deserves it - it's more for my department to know my situation, and why I might not accept their offer. Also, look at this from the perspective of my department. If they can find out sooner whether or not I will accept the position (depending on an expedited result for my SO), they can let someone else from the wait-list into my department. So, it's a good situation for them, and should not reflect positively OR negatively on him. I'm not asking for the department to look favorably on him, just to let us know as soon as possible whether or not it will be an option.

 

Assumptions about intent with these things is not fair. I will try to make that clear in my e-mail, but I think that letting the department know our situation is the *best* thing for applicants in both departments.

[starofdawn]

If your SO is your fiance, husband or a permanent domestic partner, they might take you SO's potential acceptance into consideration. If your SO is a boyfriend, they might not look favorably upon your request.

 

I had 2 friends who applied to GWU; they were engaged; woman was accepted, man was wait-listed(two different departments). Woman wrote to both adcoms and said, "We are engaged and will not live in separate cities; if you do not accept him, I will not attend." Adcom ended up accepting the man. Although it worked, it was probably a risky move.

 

I'm not exactly sure where I'm going with this, but I hope it helps.

[Usmivka]

The mere idea that your SO should get an expedited, or implied positive, admission result because you've been accepted in another program is offensive to me on a very base level.

 

Just be aware, for every positive notion you'll get in regards to the sitiation.. people like me exist and might be on the adcomm of the other program. Just suggesting any sort of preferential treatment would be playing with fire. Rather, more like dousing yourself in jet fuel and then jumping into a volcano.

 

There are not words to properly express how quickly I'd find every flaw in a pending application and banish it to the rejection heap if this sort of things was brought up.

Given what an issue "the two-body problem" is, and how the net result seems to be women dropping out of the sciences, I think many departments try to give this weight for otherwise equally qualified candidates. Particularly at the post-doc and junior faculty level. Administrators and faculty are grateful for this information, because it helps them retain and improve otherwise dismal retention and diversity statistics. Given the pressures from funding agencies and university administrations, I doubt your viewpoint is very common on adcomms, and even people who feel that way most likely would at worst bite their tongue and do their best to ignore that information.

Edited February 4, 2014 by Usmivka

[TakeruK]

I was going to write a response to Loric, but Usmivka just beat me to it! I would say even if the SO is slightly less qualified, I would be in support of this action if the net amount of "qualified-ness" is greater with both applicants than just one. No one can put an exact amount of the qualifiedness of a candidate, so I think as long as the SO is within the uncertainty of the "qualifedness" estimate then it should be kosher. I am even more in support of this at the faculty hire level. For pretty much the same reason as Usmivka said, I think more universities should be more flexible with their hiring policies to accommodate double/spousal hires. For example, I know my undergraduate institution will allow departments who have one opening now and one opening expected in 2-3 years to actually just hire both people now and give up the future hire opportunity in order to get 2 people at once. 

 

Obviously, if the SO is just not qualified at all of the position, then this makes no sense. But there are so many other people with two-body problems that will have qualified SOs that the department can have its pick.

 

Also, Loric, you asked why so many graduate students end up dropping out and what departments can do to lower this rate. I think keeping partners/families together goes a long way in ensuring retention/completion.