Learning disorder or just grad school being hard? Does it even matter?

[acrosschemworld]

I am a first-year PhD student struggling to keep up with everything going on in grad school. I do not know if what I am going through is normal for a grad student, or is because I might have an undiagnosed learning disorder, particularly attention deficit.

 

I am an international student who got my undergrad degree from an undergrad-focused school in the US. My life until college is probably best exemplified by a math contest in middle school when I got a special award for the most ingenious solution to a problem, but actually only got 2 points out of 10 because I misread a digit from the problem text and carried everything through with that wrong digit. I knew for a long time that I have problems paying attention and tried hard to work on it, but with little progress (which also made me very insecure, because it seemed that I couldn't do anything right no matter how hard I try). I didn't know there was such thing as learning disorders until sophomore year when a friend randomly mentioned he wanted to see if he had ADD, and I went home and looked up on Wikipedia what ADD was standing for. I remember them listing a number of criteria and saying that people with ADD have at least 6. I realized I probably have 6. I also read that many smart people go undiagnosed forever because they unknowingly find ways to cope with it. So a few weeks later I went to the Counseling Center at my undergrad to see if I have ADD. I took some tests and talked to a counselor who said that I meet some criteria for ADD, but she was not sure if I am just influenced by what I read, and she wasn't an ADD expert but was convinced that people with ADD/ADHD don't have a 3.8 GPA like I did at the time. I did not pursue anything to get tested since then.

 

Later doing an REU I did not do great because 10 weeks were not enough for me to adapt from research at an undergrad school to research at an extremely competitive research institution. I tried to analyze myself and what happened during the REU, and I realized that in basically every college class I start out slowly, my first few grades are average but I gradually get used to the class and the professor's expectations and by the end of the class I master the material well enough to be able to recover and most of the time get an A. Over time I became very good at slowly walking myself (or others) through concepts and read carefully (usually twice) to make sure I do not miss anything. I also initially made slow research progress at my undergrad school, but I had a patient advisor and soon I caught up and became the best researcher in his lab. 

 

The keyword in all this is slowly, which is not a good option in grad school. Now I am in grad school and I do not have time to walk through things slowly anymore, because the classes cover a lot more material, I also need to learn new research skills and have a non-tenured (read, demanding) research advisor, and I have other things to do such as teaching. Because of this, I do not get a lot of things done properly. I was not able to recover from my usual slow start in classes. My research advisor, who is a nice guy and is known to really care about students, made me several hints that I am not making enough progress for a first year. Recently, I started thinking again that the reason why I am usually adapting more slowly might be a learning disorder. But on the other hand, I know that grad school is hard for everyone and it's not uncommon for people to struggle.

 

My question is, is it worth taking time away from research to go through the lengthy process of seeing if I have a learning disorder? Would it even make a difference to my life as a grad student, given that I will soon be done with classes so something like extra time on tests would be pointless? Would it help or hurt if my advisor (who is demanding, but cares about students) knew I might have a learning disorder? I know that at least in my field, there are important professors who became very successful despite learning disorders, but the current academic enviromnent is more competitive than ever.

Edited March 20, 2014 by acrosschemworld

[Vene]

If you have ADD (or something similar) it very much is worth the time to find out. Even if you are done with tests, knowing you have such a disorder means that it can be treated and it certainly effects other areas of your life. I have a friend in grad school with ADD, and the medication she is on is incredibly helpful for maintaining concentration and focus.

[pears]

I agree with Vene: it's definitely worth the time; the sooner you figure out what's going on, the better! There are many stereotypes about all kinds of learning disorders, from ADD to dyslexia, so I hope you can find someone who doesn't dismiss your concerns simply because you have a strong academic record. Regardless of the outcome of meeting with a professional (therapist or otherwise) & depending on your relationship with your advisor, it may be worthwhile to just let them know that you're actively seeking out answers to these questions as well as solutions. If you think they'd be understanding, make it clear that it's not an excuse, but a true source of struggle that you're proactively trying to manage & comprehend.

 

Also, as an aside: I don't have ADD, but I've always found that while I can handle a large workload no problem-o, the second I feel stressed because I'm putting pressure on myself &/or I feel (or know) that others have high expectations for me.. I crash & burn. I struggle to maintain my focus & motivation when I'm that stressed; I can hardly read a single sentence without spacing out or skipping around. I'm not saying that's your root issue — it sounds like you're really self-aware & know this is a chronic problem — but, speaking from personal experience, if you do see a professional, it's really important to let them know your sources of stress. If nothing else, they can tackle whatever your root cause may be while also helping you manage that stress & understand how it affects you.

[PhDerp]

It sounds like it's worth it to get tested. You may get diagnosed and be afforded some accommodations pretty quickly if you can see a doctor about it. I saw a psychologist for this for years. But there's a kind of formal test that a lot of universities require for a proper diagnosis. This can be a very expensive, time-consuming procedure. You need to call whatever facility is available to you and ask how much it will cost based on your insurance.

 

This knowledge comes from my personal experience! I was diagnosed with a disability such as this 3.5 years ago by a psychologist. I was afforded accommodations as the Disability Services department at my university saw fit based on my diagnosis. I was recently informed that I would need the full, proper test done in order to maintain my status as having this disability and that it could cost me upwards of $1000, depending on my insurance. They also mentioned that this option was even cheaper than getting it done outside the university as external clinics may charge 4x as much! Take this all with a grain of salt. Also, if it helps, this was as an undergrad at a Massachusetts state school.

Anyway, I think that if you can, you should go see someone! It might not take as much time as you realize (maybe a long time in between calling and getting an appointment, but the appointments themselves aren't necessarily long... except for that one "full test" thing I was describing, that takes hours). It might help to call your school's Disability Services department and ask what steps to take and what resources to look into. Good luck!

[bsharpe269]

I have ADD and take medication and the meds make a HUGE difference. I would look more into it.

[danieleWrites]

I have ADHD. I made it through two BAs with honors before I was diagnosed. I was not diagnosed until I was an adult and my kid got the diagnosis.

Your undergrad counselor was sticking to the letter of the DSM methodology of diagnosing disorders. According the DSM, having the traits/symptoms of a disorder is not enough. The traits/symptoms must impair daily life. A person with a high GPA is not obviously impaired by ADHD, or so your counselor thought. Your counselor is quite obviously not an ADHD specialist.

Get re-evaluated by someone that specializes in ADHD, or barring that, learning disorders. The problem with adults that weren't diagnosed as children is that with maturity comes coping strategies that mask the problem. For a lot of people, that's actually all they need in order to deal with ADHD in their lives. For people in grad school, where second chances aren't easily obtained, coping strategies may not evolve enough on their own. To compound all of this, most people who have ADHD without knowing that this is the thing causing their problems, won't know what to tell the doctor/counselor about how it impairs their daily lives.

An ADHD diagnosis is problematic in more ways than just figuring out if it's ADHD or some other problem, such as stress, lack of sleep, or proper nutrition. ADHD has been over-diagnosed to the point where "everyone knows" that if a kid doesn't sit perfectly still, teachers and parents want to shove pills down their throat to control them, rather than let a kid be a kid. Adults, particularly younger ones, have the added problem that "everyone knows" that they're just looking to score legal methamphetamines. Undiagnosed adults with ADHD are usually confronted with the things that your counselor told you, simply because ADHD is our cultural bad guy.

So. Find someone that specializes in learning disorders and get evaluated. If you are evaluated with ADHD, medication is the least part of the treatment. Behavior modification is the important part. ADHD coaches/counselors teach people coping strategies, and more importantly, how to modify their behavior to use those coping strategies daily.

If you aren't diagnosed with ADHD, or the evaluator thinks your ADHD is too mild for much in terms of treatment, you can still find the tips and tricks ADHD people use. It's pretty much about organizing, routines, habits, and creating an environment. For example, a person with ADHD would set aside a space that is used solely for study. No other activities allowed in that space. This helps to eliminate distractions that are internal, as well as external. ADHD has a strong impulse control problem, not just an inattentive and restless problem. If there's a space that a person, by habit and routine, has ingrained into a single-use place, it's easier to control the impulse. I don't write papers in the same place I surf the web, because otherwise, I'll find myself surfing the web when I should be writing, even when I don't have writer's block problems. The strategies that help a person get a handle on their ADHD can help anyone.

You can google ADHD tips or ADHD tricks and get a ton of tips on how to manage daily life. University libraries will have books aimed at people who want to enter the learning disabilities field in some fashion, so they'll also have books on how ADHD counselors/doctors/coaches can help people with ADHD manage their lives.

Too many people think that all they need is an ADHD diagnoses and a prescription, then magically, the ADHD goes away. As if. The meds make it possible for me to read all of the words in a text in one sitting, from front to finish. They don't make it possible for me to understand it any easier, or to not be distracted when I'm reading, or to get my work done when I'd rather be doing something else, or to sit still completely when I'm doing it, or any number of things. Meds don't make me add stuff to my calendar so I don't forget to do it. They do make it possible for me to hit a golf ball consistently, or to drive with the radio on (when I get to drive). They make a huge difference, but they aren't a cure. That's where behavior modification comes in. And that's where, even if you never get diagnosed with it, you can do something for yourself anyway.

Edited March 20, 2014 by danieleWrites

[nessa]

does your university have a student disabilities center or something like that? They may be able to refer you for further testing or give you tips on how to adapt to grad school. I do ADHD & other testing in my university's clinic as a part of my training and we see plenty of people who function fine up to a point, since they're intelligent enough to get by, but when they progress in school things get harder their disability causes more of a problem. It may also not be ADHD, but rather a learning disorder, memory problem, anxiety/depression, etc. A good assessment will examine all that- which is part of the reason it takes so long. also, this will vary greatly by school, but at my university, if students are referred by the disabilities office the assessment is significantly cheaper than if the student does it on their own. 

[actuallyatree]

 

Get re-evaluated by someone that specializes in ADHD, or barring that, learning disorders.

 

Absolutely this. ADHD is really hard to recognize, and can also be mis-diagnosed pretty easily. I was diagnosed after multiple doctors, therapists and even a psychiatrist thought I had Bipolar Disorder or some sort of personality disorder.

 

It's also pretty common for more high achieving people to be diagnosed later in life, one of the more notable ADHD researchers around today wasn't diagnosed until partway through medical school, for example. Plus, it is pretty easy to think that everyone struggles to read more then a page at a time, and doesn't start writing papers until the night before they are due.