Please go through my sop and suggest any changes if required

[Totappa]

Edited and added some points. Go through it. Thank you

 

 

 

 A fascination for Science and Technology and a keen interest in the ever-growing world of technology motivated me to pursue engineering. I chose to major in Instrumentation Engineering with an intense urge to delve into the challenging field. During my undergraduation program I learned the various fundamentals of Instrumentation. Engineering which together with practical course work reinforced interest. Technology development from manual to automatic working inspired me to take up Instrumentation Engineering in my bachelor degree in BVB College of Engineering & Technology a well rated college in India.

 

During the course of my undergraduate study I was exposed to various courses with applications like Control systems, Power electronic, Electrical measurements, Linear Integrated Circuits, Electronics, digital circuits, Digital Signal Processing and Micro Controllers. But I always had an interest in Programmable Logic Controllers and its programming. To acquire more knowledge in PLC programming, obtained CAE (Certified Automation Engineer) from Technocrat Automation Pvt Limited (IAO Accredited), Chennai. I recieved 2 months hands on practical experience in Industrial Automation Tools specializing in PLC, SCADA and VFD.

To improve my knowledge, I did two projects, both based on automation. In fifth semester, ”Soft technique toothbrush” for disabled persons with no hands can brush independently and it was  selected for project exhibition held at my college. In final year planned to do something in agricultural field (coming from agriculture background) combining with automation so opted for a robot which can sow seeds and spray medicine and water.   

I am very much interested to do a MS in Automation and control engineering in your esteemed college. I realize the need for me to study at the center stage of activity in these fields at your college in USA. My earnest desire to continue my future studies at your graduate school stems from it being one of the top colleges having a fine record of academic excellence and is backed up by expert faculty and research facilities.

The other reason why I want to study at your esteemed college is that it provides the kind of exposure needed to broaden my thinking and undo any insular prejudices that might be still prevalent in me. Your college is a confluence of people from every nationality, religion and race. Overall development of the personality can be done and it helps me to broaden my concept from the narrower confines of nationalism to internationalism. 

I am fully aware about yours curriculum and I aver that I have the necessary commitment, intelligence and stamina to look forward to do it all. I am convinced that my study at your department would be meaningful and rewarding experience. I look forward to have a long and profitable association with your esteemed college.

[peachypie]

 

Edited and added some points. Go through it. Thank you

 

 

 

 A fascination for Science and Technology and a keen interest in the ever-growing world of technology motivated me to pursue engineering. I chose to major in Instrumentation Engineering with an intense urge to delve into the challenging field. During my undergraduation program I learned the various fundamentals of Instrumentation. Engineering which together with practical course work reinforced interest. Technology development from manual to automatic working inspired me to take up Instrumentation Engineering in my bachelor degree in BVB College of Engineering & Technology a well rated college in India.

 

1. you'll want to say "during my undergraduate program"

2.  "engineering which together with practical course work reinforced interest" needs to be reworded.  maybe "the subject of engineering paired with course work reinforced my interest".  I think it is technically a fragment right now the way it is written.

3.  skip, the well-rated college in india.  if it is, they'll know it.

 

During the course of my undergraduate study I was exposed to various courses with applications such as Control Systems, Power Electronic, Electrical measurements, Linear Integrated Circuits, Electronics, digital circuits, Digital Signal Processing and Micro Controllers. But I always had an interest in Programmable Logic Controllers and its programming. To acquire more knowledge in PLC programming, I obtained CAE (Certified Automation Engineer) from Technocrat Automation Pvt Limited (IAO Accredited), Chennai. I received 2 months hands on practical experience in Industrial Automation Tools specializing in PLC, SCADA and VFD.

To further my knowledge, I developed two projects, both based on automation. One such project, in my fifth semester, a "Soft technique toothbrush” for persons with disabled hands to be able to brush independently, was  selected for project exhibition held at my college. In my final year, I planned to involve agricultural fields, since I come an agricultural background, combining with automation so I opted for a robot which can sow seeds and spray medicine and water.  to do what?  What did your engineering help to alleviate or do for agriculture?  ease of use? increase efficiency?  allow for faster or more proper sowing, spraying and watering?  give details. 

I would like to pursue an MS in Automation and control engineering in your esteemed college.  name the college and make it personal to them.  why their college and not another.  explain why this college is the one you feel would be best for you   I realize the need for me to study at the center stage of activity in these fields at your college in USA. My earnest desire to continue my future studies at your graduate school stems from it being one of the top colleges having a fine record of academic excellence and is backed up by expert faculty and research facilities.  give specifics.which faculty are you interested in?  which facilities do you hope to work with?  

The other reason why I want to study at Your esteemed college is that it provides the kind of exposure needed to broaden my thinking and undo any insular prejudices that might be still prevalent in me.--do not write this, never give an opportunity to show why you would be a bad candidate for them.   Your college is a confluence of people from every nationality, religion and race. Overall development of the personality can be done and it helps me to broaden my concept from the narrower confines of nationalism to internationalism. -if you want to write something about it being international and globalization-friendly than you can but it should be re-worded again don't bring up aspects that could be construed as negative about yourself.

I am fully aware about yours curriculum and I aver (?) that I have the necessary commitment, intelligence and stamina to accomplish it all. I am convinced that my study at your department would be a meaningful and rewarding experience. I look forward to have a long and profitable association with your esteemed college.

 

I made edits in red and blue.  

overall the sentiment may be there but your wording needs edits further.  Also you need to be more specific with what you are saying.  Give them all the details.  What parts of automation would you like to further work on?  What is the goal of your work?  What is the implication of what you would like to do after you graduate from the university with the degree.  What is your future ideas of career?  What specifically drives you to work on this?  Give examples of why you think you woul dbe successful and why you would be best suited at their college don't be afraid to name specifics, but allow yourself to be flexible to the changes that may occur in academia.  

 

best of luck and feel free to ask any further follow up questions.

[Totappa]

thank you peachypie.

 

Can i add that i came from agricultural background and i want to learn plc programming and in future i want to adopt that into agriculture and grow crops and animal husbandry in more scientific way and get more yield. I wanna work for 5years return to my city and start agriculture. If so , how can i fit it in sop?