The classic topic: quitting my graduate program

[longforit]

Ok, now it's my turn to talk about quitting the graduate program--but only for my current master study. I have been accepted to a much better PhD program and the offer is not conditional--I don't need to get a MA degree before I enter the program. So I'm asking for suggestions: is it possible/ok to quit my current master study/ give up the MA degree and enter the PhD program directly? I'm now just thinking about this possibility, but not plan to put it into effect. But things are just getting worse and worse and worse -- every time I thought maybe it's improved or there might be a way out, the reality just threw me into a deeper hell. I don't know what is the last straw. So I just want to know the possibility of doing such things.  

 

The problem I faced are multidimensional: incompatible advisor, ridiculous additional work for my TA job, no enough funding for my thesis project, and little support from anywhere. For the TA job for example, I'm asked to take over the professor's classes for several weeks, with no supporting materials, no outlines, even no a-week-ahead notice. The professor is rather spontaneous and I doubt she has ever prepared for her class, and she expects me to do the same thing--she informed me to teach a class the night before the actual class (for several times)! If I do the preparation work, the working time is twice as what I was assigned for. This plus my on-going thesis project (8 hours a day just for the experiments), it didn't kill me, but it does make me depressed and I'm hurting myself to drive away the depression (and I DO NOT have time to consult a psychiatrist and I shut down to my friends and parents about this because it's just too complicated). I'm seeking help from our director but there seems to be little hope--we have a small program (not even department) and professors are cross-appointed and no one seems to have the time to take care of this. And the TA problem is not even the worst thing. 

 

It might be my problem that I can't handle stress well, and I'm afraid deep inside that dropping-out might be an indication that I cannot succeed in my graduate study and everything coming after it; and afraid my current professors and my prospective professors would think the same way. But on the hand, I do love academics and I do have confidence in my intelligence/perseverance and do know my future program is much much more well-organized and supportive than my current one, and my future advisors are super nice and helpful and I know I could get excited even talking to them. So perhaps I will not face what I'm facing now in my future study. I know it's only a few months of dark time before the dawn, but I'm just afraid I'll break down, both mentally and physically. I need some advice. Help!

Edited April 4, 2014 by longforit

[victorydance]

If it's not conditional, then I wouldn't imagine it would negatively affect your ability to enter the doctoral program. But I would definitely check with the prospective program beforehand to make sure.

 

However, thread very lightly. It seems there are underlying issues that don't have to do with your program solely. However rosy the doctoral program looks, it will definitely be much harder and stressful than the one you are in now. You don't want to be in the same situation you are now a year or two from now. 

 

Saying that you have no time to see a psychologist is completely dishonest. All it takes is an hour a week at the most. Seek help immediately. Hurting yourself to cope with depression/anxiety/other mental problems and pushing yourself to isolation is a significant sign of poor mental health. Seeking help in some form already is a positive sign, but you need to take another step and seek professional help. Your mental health comes before everything. 

[fuzzylogician]

A two part answer follows: 

 

On the academic/technical side, if an MA is not required by your prospective PhD program then it should be fine not to complete your current degree. I can report (anecdotally) that I did the same - moved to my current PhD program after one year in a MA program, without finishing the Masters degree. I made sure my program was ok with it, and I can tell you that having been on the job market this year, it didn't cause me any trouble (that I know of, at least) with any application. You want to be careful with how you leave so you don't burn bridges with your current program--linguistics is a small field and I am sure that you'll see these people again, at conferences, as reviewers on your papers/grant proposals, or as potential employers. 

 

On the personal/health side, you need to address your mental health right now. It's more important than whatever else you are doing now, so you should make time for it. You need to learn to deal with stress, because I guarantee you that there will be a lot of it in your PhD program and in any future job you might have in academia (and probably outside of it as well). Even if your program is organized and very supportive, there will be time when there is a lot of pressure to get work done, and on the other hand there will be a lot of unstructured time where you'll need to motivate yourself. You need to learn some coping techniques so that you can be successful in your program (or anything else you choose to do in life!). Now may actually be a very good time to do it -- if you choose not to finish your current program, you can find ways to slow down and make time to take care of yourself. I think that should be of the utmost importance and at the top of your priorities, before practically anything else. Don't wait, go to your medical center on Monday and schedule an appointment for as soon as possible, if you can't do so today! 

[longforit]

Hey! Thanks for bringing up the PhD study might be harder and it actually makes me better (I won't quit my current program at least ). I'm ok with stress but I guess I have problems with being treated unfairly. I got the feeling that what I'm facing now are not common in others' graduate study and perhaps not "right" in a graduate program (maybe I'm wrong. But if they ARE quite common in graduates' life, I will feel relief again...). It gets worse when all of them pile up, making me feel why it's always me who encounter all the bad things (my friends here seem to be doing pretty good). And most importantly I couldn't get help from anywhere--there are some things that are not appropriate to talk to others, and for those I can actually find somebody in charge, there is no reply. 

 

I feel a little stupid in mentioning my "depression". I think I can hold on for most of time and it's just this recent TA thing broke me down. To me this is irresponsible and unfair to the students and to me and I think this is simply wrong. I made contact with the professor and to the director but again, no reply. I'm still waiting to see if it can work out. For other times, I have my ups and downs and I think I can make through this. If downs come, I might just come here to throw one or two complaints

[gubidal092]

It's a shame that you're having these issues, and first as someone who struggled with stress in the past that you need to carve out time to at least speak to a psychiatrist at your university (you should be able to do this for free as a student). You may feel like you don't have enough time for this, but a councilor/psychiatrist can help you learn stress management techniques that may make it easier to function and therefore save you time in the long run. It'll be worth it. 

 

Most of the people I know on fellowships (especially TAs) are working a little bit more than what they are paid for... That's just how it works. I also knew of a girl who was assigned to two projects at once (that couldn't be feasibly done in the amount of time they paid for, and she was just very clear that she would be only working the hours she was paid for, but that wasn't a TA position so it was a bit easier. Your professor should not be randomly handing you classes, but as her superiors seem unwilling to deal with that it is unlikely to change. Sounds like you'd be better off switching advisors/programs and be clear with the professors that while you are very capable and have experience TAing you do better when able to plan far in advance. You can probably even register with the school as having a disability (if you go to a psychiatrist and get formally diagnosed), which most schools allow for mental illnesses like stress and anxiety disorders. So the professor you work with would have to accommodate your need for advance planning. Since you've already been accepted at your new university they can't very well rescind their offer once you accept if they suddenly learn you have a stress disorder, though it could impact you for future applications to things, I don't know. 

 

You should move to the new university, IMHO, and it won't look like you "quit"; what you are doing is taking a new, better opportunity. And that's how you should approach it. Things aren't working out, and this is a PhD program over a masters. Most PhD programs (in fact, none that I've seen) do not require masters degrees. You just have to start at the same level as a masters and do the coursework before research, which they  mostly make you do anyway. If anyone asks or thinks it's weird you just explain that this university was a better opportunity, and if you have to talk about issues with your old advisor, mumble something about ideological differences, differing teaching philosophies, or changing research interests. No biggie. Everyone who has been a grad student understands that some professors are hell to TA for or work with. They'll get the code and probably drop the issue, if it even comes up. 

 

Hope some of that helps! 

Edited April 10, 2014 by gubidal092

[longforit]

Thanks Gubidal! I think I'll still stick to my current program/advisor and try to work things out. It's only three months left (hopefully!!!). Plus I do get very positive feedback from my students (they sent me a Thank-you card and a flower a few days ago. So sweet!) which makes me feel it's worth it.

After all, what doesn't kill me makes me stronger