advisor issues

[zugunruhe]

Hi everyone, I've been having some problems getting along with my advisor. I've wanted to be in grad school for years but now that I am finally in it she's making it a living hell. She is bad at communication (constantly changes things she says, and always assumes I am the one remembering things wrong even if I can provide evidence otherwise), insulting and condescending towards me (in front of other people), and has some pretty ridiculous work expectations. I came into grad school expecting to work hard, but for example, she made me move into new housing, finish getting all my field work equipment, and start managing new employees and switch gears from class to field work ONE DAY after my finals. I had no idea she expected that until the last minute, and ended up staying up all night (and driving a university vehicle on no sleep and nodding off at the wheel a couple of times) in order to do this. When I tried to stand up for myself and tell her I needed one day to organize all this between finals and starting my research out in the field, she threatened to fire me. It's like this whenever I ask her for anything, and I'm starting to get seriously depressed and definitely burnt out from constantly getting the message that any needs I have for any time off or a personal life (she just told me I had to work while my long-distance boyfriend is visiting over the weekend, even though I still have not gotten a day off since finals and that was over 2 weeks ago) don't matter. I'm only asking for *one day* here and there to catch my breath. I don't know what to do because I'm only interested in one specific area of research for graduate school, she and only 1 other person deal with that field at the university and I've heard that the other professor is just as bad as she is, and I am already into my first data collection season. I don't want to give up what I've worked so hard towards, but I don't know how much longer I can take this treatment. Am I being melodramatic? Is this kind of stuff normal?

 

Thanks.  

[TakeruK]

This kind of stuff is not normal!! Is there someone at your school that you can speak to? At many schools, the graduate student council or similar body can either directly help you or find you the right person to talk to! Your work conditions sound terrible and this is not a healthy advisor-student relationship. Find the right resources and get help!

[juilletmercredi]

Honestly, it sounds like you need a new advisor.  I would say keep email records of what she says and show her, but you said even when you provide evidence she blames you.  And ridiculous work expectations won't really change.

I would discuss with your Director of Graduate Studies, or the university ombuds for advice how to proceed.  The DGS might be the best person to talk to, though, because if you need to switch advisors she is the one who will help you.  IMO, it's better to work on something slightly different than what you want with an advisor who has realistic expectations and is interested in supporting your career.