Getting the department head involved in advisor relations?

[zugunruhe]

Hi everyone, I've been having some ongoing issues with my advisor, and I'm thinking of talking to my department head about it because it's getting very difficult to endure- besides making grad school even harder than it's already supposed to be, the stress has been giving me health problems, and interfering with my grades (my advisor has told me she doesn't care about classes, and gives me such a ridiculous amount of research-related stuff to do I have almost no time to devote to coursework). She's completely dismissive of anything I've ever tried to get her to compromise on, so I don't know how to talk to her anymore. On the other hand, if I tried to improve my situation via the department head, I might bring about some changes, but I'd probably have a sulky, wrathful advisor who might just find new ways to lash out at me. My question is, does anyone have advice for how to handle getting the department head involved without totally infuriating my advisor? Even if speaking with the department head improves my advisor's treatment of me, I'm afraid it's only going to damage her actual opinion of me, and she's the kind of person that may even give me a bad recommendation out of spite. I was thinking of talking to the department head confidentially first for suggestions on how to deal with my advisor (listening to reason is not her strong suit) and if that didn't work, actually get her involved as a medium. Any help would be really wonderful- I'm totally lost here. Thank you!

[St Andrews Lynx]

My answer is going to be divided into "Harsh and Cynical Thoughts" followed by "Constructive Advice". Take or leave as appropriate.

 

• Grades are less important in grad school than they are in undergraduate. Research is the important thing - it's what will form the core of your thesis and what your letters of recommendation will address in the future. You want to meet the minimum average GPA to stay in the program...that's about it. The rest of your attention should be on research.
• From the perspective of the faculty and Departmental admin, the fact that your grades are suffering is not necessarily going to be a concern. What the Department really cares about is how much research (and teaching) you will contribute - because that is where they gain their reputation and money from. If you tell the Department head that your PI is making you neglect your coursework, it is possible that they will side with your advisor. 
• It is something that I've found difficult to swallow at times, but often your advisor does actually know best and is right about things. The reason that your advisor might be dismissive of what you say is because it's wrong, and the reason your advisor might be unwilling to "compromise" is because there isn't actually a middle ground. A lot of academics are stubborn, too. Surviving grad school is more about moulding yourself to the advisor than the other way around.
• Don't involve the Departmental Head if your only wish is to "make your advisor treat you better". It sounds petty, and if the Head gets on well with your advisor and/or sees them as a Departmental star, then they're probably not going to do much to help you (a grad student is rather low down in the hierarchy). Inter-departmental politics are complex, and Departmental Heads aren't high school counselers. 

 

The Constructive Advice Part

• Sometimes an advisor/grad student relationship just doesn't work out. Personalities don't fit, etc. And that's OK. If you aren't doing well with your current advisor and are in your first or second year, it could be possible to transfer groups. No one is forcing you to stay with an advisor you don't get along with.
• There are a lot of people who can help you out when dealing with advisor/grad student issues. Older grad students in the same group can give you lots of useful "handling tips". Your peers often have great perspectives and plenty of sympathy. The other faculty members on your thesis committee might be a good source of advice. University ombudsmen, counsellors and HR professionals are also there to inform and impartially advise you. In many cases, these people will be more useful than the Departmental Head. 
• Bullying, harrassment and other nasty behaviour is never excusable and should not be tolerated. Document any incidents that fall into these categories, and be prepared to go to HR. The official channel for dealing with that kind of stuff is usually HR, not the Departmental Head.
• Before you speak to anyone, think about what it is you want to achieve. You can't change other people's personalities for them. Most academic advisors have the right to set their own style of leadership and interact with their students however they so wish. Would it be better for you to transfer groups, leave the program or work on smoothing out the relationship yourself?

[zugunruhe]

Hi St Andrews Lynx, I can see how my phrasing with stating I wanted to make my advisor treat me better sounds petty- and I would definitely not plan on that wording if I did actually go to the department head. I see your point about research being important and I agree, but if I get kicked out of grad school because my grades fall too far, I wouldn't be doing *any* research. This advisor has a history of driving students nuts (yes, more so than other advisors) so this is not just a case of authority issues. She has bullied me and luckily I have witnesses to the most recent incident: she put her hands around my neck in front of my field technicians. (that was the second time it happened but the first time I had witnesses.) She's also said that if she hasn't made her grad students hate her, she isn't doing her job right. So I would love to smooth out the relationship myself, and I've tried all the approaches I can think of, but I honestly don't know HOW with someone like that- and that's why I need advice. 

[ssynny]

Is the department head the one who handles all graduate students? At my school there's a department graduate studies coordinator and most concerns go to him. It's easier to talk to him because he doesn't run the whole department and his job is to make sure the students are on track. If you have someone like that at your school, I would recommend talking to them or another professor that you're very close with.

 

About the putting their hands around your neck: even in a joking manner, that sort of behavior is uncalled for. You might want to bring it up to HR (maybe anonymously). I hope your situation gets better soon!

[geographyrocks]

Hi St Andrews Lynx, I can see how my phrasing with stating I wanted to make my advisor treat me better sounds petty- and I would definitely not plan on that wording if I did actually go to the department head. I see your point about research being important and I agree, but if I get kicked out of grad school because my grades fall too far, I wouldn't be doing *any* research. This advisor has a history of driving students nuts (yes, more so than other advisors) so this is not just a case of authority issues. She has bullied me and luckily I have witnesses to the most recent incident: she put her hands around my neck in front of my field technicians. (that was the second time it happened but the first time I had witnesses.) She's also said that if she hasn't made her grad students hate her, she isn't doing her job right. So I would love to smooth out the relationship myself, and I've tried all the approaches I can think of, but I honestly don't know HOW with someone like that- and that's why I need advice.

Unless you two are friendly, hands around the throat is not okay. If you're really concerned, report her for harassment. I think you are being a bit naive as what you have described is not a person who will "come around". Do any students have a healthy relationship with her? Is there anything she has done that makes you think she will change her behavior towards you? If not, you're really just wasting your energy. Maybe you should start looking for a new adviser.