I feel like I'm failing...

[KoreofClassics]

I'm in my first semester, first year in Classics, and I just feel awful all the time. I do all the homework and speak up in my seminars (although I feel my profs think I'm a complete weirdo who talks nonsense). Latin has always been an easy A for me in undergrad, but lately I've been getting 70's on my midterms, and for one Latin class, I'm pretty sure my prof is creating an extra credit assignment just so I don't completely fail... I just presented a paper for the first time today, and I originally felt good about it! My prof addressed the pros and cons, and everything seemed constructive enough. Then another student presented, and the prof was absolutely over the moon raving. I feel like no matter how hard I study, I just am not cut out for a master's program. I think my transcript and experience going in has been a false seller of my actual abilities (or lack thereof). I constantly feel stupid and lost in the weeds, and I've never worked harder in my entire life. I've re-calibrated the way I study, practiced restraint, and have been as critical as I possible could. It just doesn't seem like any of it is paying off, and now I am desperate for a win. Does anyone have advice moving forward? Is grad school simply not for me? It would be so greatly appreciated.

[GCool]

If you feel like you're failing, you should snap out of it. The mentality of a grad student should be ruthlessly pursuing excellence until a professor tells you that you've failed.

 

If you're actually failing, maybe grad school simply isn't for you.

 

</coldhardtruth>

[dr. t]

Another student being smarter than you is not cause for concern. Lots of people are smarter than you, and you'll bump into many of them in grad school. Even more people will seem smarter than you because they have more experience than you do.

 

Bombing a test that badly, particularly in an area so key to your degree, is much more worrying. However, what it means for your continued career depends why you did so poorly.

[TMP]

Look up imposter syndrome.  Nobody is immune to it.

 

You need to raise your self-confidence so you can actually start doing well in  your courses.

[surefire]

I'm in my first semester, first year in Classics, and I just feel awful all the time. I do all the homework and speak up in my seminars (although I feel my profs think I'm a complete weirdo who talks nonsense). Latin has always been an easy A for me in undergrad, but lately I've been getting 70's on my midterms, and for one Latin class, I'm pretty sure my prof is creating an extra credit assignment just so I don't completely fail... I just presented a paper for the first time today, and I originally felt good about it! My prof addressed the pros and cons, and everything seemed constructive enough. Then another student presented, and the prof was absolutely over the moon raving. I feel like no matter how hard I study, I just am not cut out for a master's program. I think my transcript and experience going in has been a false seller of my actual abilities (or lack thereof). I constantly feel stupid and lost in the weeds, and I've never worked harder in my entire life. I've re-calibrated the way I study, practiced restraint, and have been as critical as I possible could. It just doesn't seem like any of it is paying off, and now I am desperate for a win. Does anyone have advice moving forward? Is grad school simply not for me? It would be so greatly appreciated.

 

Hi KoreofClassics,

 

Two strains of advice:

 

- The "feeling like you're failing" thing, with the exhaustion and transition issues sounds very much like imposter's syndrome. This is common and feeling the weight of it "all the time" will pass (not gonna lie though, it still barges in with a vengeance on occasion). Treat with: self-care, rest, tea, the gym, commiserating with colleagues (who probably are feeling it too), "faking it until you make it", leaving time to read things twice, trusting the process, other advice on grad cafe specifically about imposter's syndrome, and NOT constantly comparing yourself to (or coveting the smarts of) others (that way is ruinous).

 

- The ACTUALLY getting 70's on mid-terms thing needs a different approach. I'm not going to lie, I got some "B"s on mid-terms my first year, and it was a sucky feeling for an over-achiever. But, feelings don't matter here. What you do next matters: schedule meetings and go and SPEAK with each professor about how to improve. DO NOT go to these profs and frame this as a global crisis ("I'm not cut out for the MA", "I'm vacillating wildly between feeling okay and devastated about my work", "This was all easy in undergrad" = not their problems!). DO approach each with assignments that you've done and handed in (after carefully reading and considering their feedback) and discuss how you can do better on the remaining work (again, not global stuff about how to study or write, but elaboration on specific gaps that you need to fill). Take notes in this meeting. ASK if you can maybe hand in a draft about two weeks before the deadline that they could give brief feedback and then re-draft with the feedback (they may not go for this, but you're right to observe that they don't want to fail you, if you were getting "A"s and grubbing for "A+"s, it might be a different story, but if you're getting "B"s, they're probably down to help you). I took the above approach and was able to round out "A"s in my final marks.

Just in general, don't be afraid to ask for help and seek out resources (if your institution has a writing centre or workshops for fledgling grad students, access these) - you are not the first to go through any of this and stumble. By all means, work to recalibrate your strategies, but don't do this on your own, do this in an informed way!

 

The hardiest grad students I know are the ones that overcame challenges and didn't feel cut out for this at some point - they tend to take this seriously and develop coping strategies that will serve them well going forward. Good luck!

Edited November 12, 2014 by surefire