Need help!!! for reviewing my SOP

[lowebb]

Hello,
 
I need to have a examine my SOP from english-experts before applying, because of my lack of english skills.
(my ielts writing band score = 6)
Please kindly review my SOP in terms of grammar error and ease of understanding, etc.

the time limit of summit is near....

 

I set the 2nd paragraph to explain my previous works, and 3rd and 4th are about my interests.

(You can just skip 2nd paragraph, there are too many jargons...)

Thanks!
 
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Statement of purpose / Statement of research interests

I am writing to apply for the PhD programme offered by ........................ for the spring of 2015. I hope very much to study chemistry/chemical engineering in this programme, because of creative and outstanding research accomplishments of this facility.

Previously, I studied polymer science, in particular combinations of nanomaterials with polymers during my master’s degree course. In my project, gold nanoparticles (AuNPs) stabilised by special polymeric ligand were the main subject of the research. By RAFT polymerisation and several additional steps, carefully designed polystyrene-b-polystyrene-azide (PS-b-PSN3) chains able to attach gold surface were obtained and applied to form AuNPs. Due to azide group included in PS chains, which is crosslinkable under UV exposure, the AuNPs showed heat resistance against coalescence. In addition, the AuNPs were inserted in polymer matrix and examined their behaviour. This experience had me have comprehensive knowledge about polymers and their alignment in nanoscale world. Moreover, it was a valuable chance of learning every step from a start to an end - preparing basic materials by chemical synthesis, polymerization and characterisation by TEM, NMR, GPC, etc. After graduation, I moved present position where provided an alternative way of completing my military duty, with 3 years of obligation. While researching commercial cosmetic products, I have been involving in development of actual application of what I have learned before, delivering with surfactants, viscosity-adjusting polymers, and several skin conditioners or functional ingredients.

I developed my research interests about surface chemistry, phenomenon at small scale world, and environment-friendly chemical solutions, which have been in my thought since studying chemical engineering in university. Fortunately, I could get my workplaces along with those interests. In detail, my first place of research was related to develop methods for producing biofuels from cellulose. The lab where I did MS coursework was aiming to design functional nanocomposites or organic solar cell. Not only research experience from my task, which was mainly focused on experiments of block copolymers and nanoparticles, but also studies from coursework and seminars helped me have wider and more fundamental view on the similar field. In particular, comparisons of theoretical and experimental results of self-assembled polymer structures supported by computational chemistry were curious in terms of establishing methodology and accuracy of prediction. Also, a class presented by W.A.Goddard gave me principles about quantum mechanics and simple prediction of chemical structure, though it was not directly connected on my previous theme. Meanwhile, considering feasibility and impacts of research theme on human life has been heavily dominated across my research life, even now. In this context, what I had done about polymers could be evaluated as a fragile, less environment-friendly approach due to complex steps and difficulties of delivering raw materials despite their versatile applicability.

In that reason, I want to pursue another point fully matched with my own interests in my new doctoral course. One of the topics I am concerning about is producing basic materials from natural source by depolymerization of lignocellulosic biomass, which is dominated by catalysts, processing conditions, and product concentrations. Although Lignocellulosic biomass is a prospective raw material for obtaining platform molecules used in industry, there are some obstacles for realisation, such as cost problem and complex reaction systems for increasing the low rate. To make the process more competent, I think the systematic observation of the impact caused by biomasses, catalysts and solvents would be crucial. The other subject is observation of the elementary steps of chemical reactions between gas-phase molecules and solid surfaces, such as chemisorption of methane on transition metals using reflection absorption infrared spectroscopy. Because the cleavage of C-H bond in methane on a surface is the rate-limiting step of methane to hydrogen+carbon monoxide process, it has been taking notice in industrial applications. Specifying its detailed profile through quantum-state-resolved mesurements would be a painstaking but exciting procedure of studying in-depth physical chemistry.

I am planning to get on the route of being scientist in promising research institutes, because of its free atmosphere about work with professional prowess, which I have always been yearning. In order to become a competent figure, I hope to enrol at ........................., which is undoubtedly one of the best universities in chemistry and chemical engineering, and offering current and future issues in the natural and engineering science. The excellent doctoral programme and top-notch facilities in the university would be quite helpful for convenient research progress and producing remarkable results as well. In addition, it is expected that the attractive and innovative ambience of ..................... can give a great benefit for stimulating new ideas. I firmly believe this doctoral programme will be the best choice for sharpening my knowledge and ability further.

 

790 words

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[sjoh197]

Statement of purpose / Statement of research interests

I am writing to apply (applying?) for the PhD programme offered by ........................ for the spring of 2015. I hope very much (If this is what you want to say, then reverse to "I very much hope") to study chemistry/chemical engineering in this programme, because of (Instead of "because of" you might try "due to") (article) creative and outstanding research accomplishments of this facility.

Previously, (When is previously?) I studied polymer science, in particular combinations of nanomaterials(comma) with polymers during my master’s degree course. In my project, gold nanoparticles (AuNPs) (comma) stabilised by special polymeric ligand were the main subject of the research. (It's not "the research" it's your research.... "my research") By RAFT polymerisation and several additional steps, carefully designed polystyrene-b-polystyrene-azide (PS-b-PSN3) chains (comma) able to attach (to a?) gold surface (comma) were obtained and applied to form AuNPs. Due to (insert article) azide group included in PS chains, which is crosslinkable under UV exposure, the AuNPs showed heat resistance against coalescence. In addition, the AuNPs were inserted in polymer matrix and examined their behavior. (Either the AuNPs "were" examined "for" their behavior... or "I" examined their behavior. As written, they are examining their own behavior.)  This experience had me have (either "required me to have" or "allowed me to have" depending on whether the comprehensive knowledge came before or after) comprehensive knowledge about polymers and their alignment in (insert article) nanoscale world. Moreover, it was a valuable chance of (for, not of) learning every step from a start to an end ( you should just say start to finish... the way you wrote it sounds bad) - preparing basic materials by chemical synthesis, polymerization (oxford comma) and characterisation by TEM, NMR, GPC, etc. After graduation, I moved (insert at least one article) present position where (I was?) provided an alternative way of completing my military duty, with 3 years of obligation. While researching commercial cosmetic products, I have been involving (involved?) in development of (another article) actual application of what I have learned before, delivering with surfactants, viscosity-adjusting polymers, and several skin conditioners or functional ingredients.

I developed my research interests about surface chemistry, phenomenon at small scale world, and environment-friendly chemical solutions, which have been in my thought since studying chemical engineering in university. Fortunately, I could get my workplaces along with those interests. (What are you trying to say here?) In detail, my first place of research was related to develop (multiple tenses... pick one... "related to developing" perhaps) methods for producing biofuels from cellulose. The lab where I did MS coursework was aiming to design functional nanocomposites or organic solar cell. Not only research experience from my task, which was mainly focused on experiments of block copolymers and nanoparticles, but also studies from coursework and seminars helped me have a wider and more fundamental view on the similar field. (Redo this whole sentence so that you don't have to read more that half way through it to find the main verb... "research experience... helped me have a wider blah blah blah) In particular, comparisons of theoretical and experimental results of self-assembled polymer structures (comma) supported by computational chemistry (comma) were curious in terms of establishing methodology and accuracy of prediction. Also, a class presented by W.A.Goddard gave me principles (gave you principles? or allowed you to understand principles?) about quantum mechanics and simple prediction of chemical structure, though it was not directly connected on (to) my previous theme (by theme do you mean research? if so... replace with research). Meanwhile, considering feasibility and (article) impacts of (another article) research theme (are you referring to your research again? If so... this is a really bad way to state it. Be more specific.... don't just vaguely point back) on human life has been heavily dominated across my research life, even now. (The entire sentence before this point is just bad... if I were you, I would completely remove it and try again) In this context, what I had (have) done about polymers (what have you "done" about polymers... this is a bad way to state what you have "done." Perhaps you could say something along the lines of.... My blah blah blah research on polymers could be evaluated as...) could be evaluated as a fragile, less environment-friendly approach due to complex steps and difficulties of delivering raw materials (comma) despite their versatile applicability.

In (for) that reason, I want to pursue another point (use a different word.. like topic)  fully matched with my own interests in my new doctoral course. One of the topics I am concerning (concerned... and I don't know if this is the best word) about is producing basic materials from (article) natural source by depolymerization of lignocellulosic biomass, which is dominated by catalysts, processing conditions, and product concentrations. Although Lignocellulosic biomass is a prospective raw material for obtaining (article) platform molecules used in industry, there are some obstacles for realisation, such as cost problem and complex reaction systems for increasing the low rate. To make the process more competent, I think the systematic observation of the impact caused by biomasses, catalysts and solvents would be crucial. The other subject (What other subject? By this point your reader has already let go of your first mention of "topics of interest"... Perhaps say, the second topic with which I am concerned, if you choose the above formatting in the second sentence. Otherwise, rephrase to match) is observation of the elementary steps of chemical reactions between gas-phase molecules and solid surfaces, such as chemisorption of methane on transition metals using reflection absorption infrared spectroscopy. Because the cleavage of C-H bond in methane on a surface is the rate-limiting step of methane to hydrogen+carbon monoxide process, it has been taking notice in industrial applications. Specifying its detailed profile through quantum-state-resolved mesurements(spelling) would be a painstaking (comma) but exciting procedure of studying in-depth physical chemistry.

I am planning to get on the route of being scientist in promising research institutes, because of its free atmosphere about work with professional prowess, which I have always been yearning. (Bad... all of it. Redo) In order to become a competent figure, (what do you mean by confident figure? Whatever your answer is... write that instead.)  I hope to enrol(spelling) at ........................., which is undoubtedly one of the best universities in chemistry and chemical engineering, (Make sure that this sentence is only included if they truly are the one of the best. Universities know their standings... and know if you are blatantly sucking up) and offering current and future issues (What do you mean by offering issues? Do you mean research potentials?) in the natural and engineering science. The excellent doctoral programme and top-notch facilities in the (Perhaps instead of "in the" you should write "at your") university would be quite (I would remove the quite) helpful for convenient research progress and producing remarkable results (Your notion that you will produce "remarkable results" may come off as arrogance to the readers. Perhaps phrase it as the "potential for producing" or "useful results") as well (I would maybe remove this as well). In addition, it is expected that the attractive and innovative ambience of ..................... can give (provide is a better word) a great benefit (atmosphere) for stimulating new ideas. I firmly believe this doctoral programme will be the best choice for sharpening my knowledge and ability further.(Redo this last sentence. It is a grammatically weak finish)