Please help grade my scandal GRE essay! Got a low AWA score.

[Sandysum]

Scandals are useful because they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.

 

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

 

Answer:

Scandals, as events that are naturally sensational can be useful in drawing attention to problems, but most of the time unless fronted by a reformer, scandals would lead to no positive changes.

 

Scandals are events that are morally and legally wrong, such as corruption in the government sector or sexual relations between stakeholders of a company. These types of occurrence tend to garner a lot of attention due to its controversial nature and as such would have a pervasive wildfire effect when made known to the public.

 

Scandals can be useful in that it can lead to positive change by highlighting the flaws of the existing system. A high-profile priest in Singapore recently was found to be siphoning money from the church fund to fund his wife’s failing singing career. Garnering a lot of public outrage, the scandal shed light on the transparency and accountability of private church funds, calling for a change in the process of reporting. However, this is usually not the case. Quite the contrary, scandals, without the drive and direction of a reformer, tend to spin wildly out of context and lead to no long-term changes. It is also sometimes detrimental to a part of the society or people close to the individuals involved, causing unnecessary hurt and anguish.

 

Instead of focusing on the issue at hand, the media and public tend to posit the spotlight on the individuals involved instead, detailing the mundane movements of his or her everyday life. When a navy officer was found to be sleeping with an under aged girl, the public were censuring him for doing so while reading long and tabloid-style reports of all the misdeeds in his life. This did not lead to any changes such as in increase in available information for young girls or stricter deterrence laws for this issue. And as such, scandals tend to be a distraction from the real issue at hand and lead to a waste in resource instead.

 

Even as scandal do bring to the table underlying issues that need to be addressed, very few actions are followed through as compared from a speaker or reformer that can directly drive and champion for change. Due to the nature of scandals as events that are unearthed as something ‘juicy’ to entertain the general public, reports are usually originated by journalists and writers who are looking for the next big break. As such, even in the face of scandal, a reformer has to be active in championing for change while using the scandal as leverage. Hence no matter how large the scandal, it will not be useful until it is fronted by someone who is willing to direct and shape the public opinion into a cohesive thought.

 

Lastly, scandals tend to lead to a lot of lies and negativity for the people involved. Especially for scandals that involve a minority group of the country, it tends to lead to segregation or even more distance between the societies, leading to disharmony.

 

Hence, scandals, despite its attention-seeking nature, tend to spin wildly out of context and lead to no action if left by itself. It can only become useful as context when the underlying issue is fleshed out by a reformer; leading to positive policy changes. 

 

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I'm taking my GRE in 3 more days and freaking out. I had a writing score of 4,0 previously and tend to suffer from mental block during the writing part of examinations. All your help is much appreciated! I will return the favour by helping others.

[ZebraFinch]

There's some grammar/typos here, but beyond that, what really helped my AW score the second time around was writing A LOT. I wrote "straight to the point" type essays the first time around, got a 4. Second time, i just babbled on and on... 5.5, even though I feel  they were inferior essays in term of content and I didn't check for spelling/grammar.

Edited January 17, 2015 by ZebraFinch

[gliaful]

I spent most of my time studying how the "e-rater" grades GRE essays. I found this interesting tidbit about how 90% of essays that score a 6.0 exceed 600 words in length. Of course, this isn't to say that 90% of essays that exceed 600 words score a 6.0, but I practiced writing as much as I could in 30 minutes (using the issue pool on the GRE website for topics). I was lucky enough to be given topics that I had written practice essays for beforehand, and I did end up scoring a 6.0 on the AW section. So, ZebraFinch's advice is perfect.

[grad_wannabe]

There's some grammar/typos here, but beyond that, what really helped my AW score the second time around was writing A LOT. I wrote "straight to the point" type essays the first time around, got a 4. Second time, i just babbled on and on... 5.5, even though I feel  they were inferior essays in term of content and I didn't check for spelling/grammar.

 

I had the same experience. First time around I gave full reign to my natural inclination towards verbosity. Got a 5.5

 

Second time around I tried to reflect the recent strides I've been trying to take in my own writing: wrote more clearly, more succinctly, more directly, more active voice. Got a 5.0. 

[Sandysum]

wow, thanks guys. Indeed, I submitted a very succinct essay the first time round. This is great. I will exercise full creativity this time.

[Sandysum]

I spent most of my time studying how the "e-rater" grades GRE essays. I found this interesting tidbit about how 90% of essays that score a 6.0 exceed 600 words in length. Of course, this isn't to say that 90% of essays that exceed 600 words score a 6.0, but I practiced writing as much as I could in 30 minutes (using the issue pool on the GRE website for topics). I was lucky enough to be given topics that I had written practice essays for beforehand, and I did end up scoring a 6.0 on the AW section. So, ZebraFinch's advice is perfect.

This is really weird for me, as I work in corporate communications right now and have been trained to communicate succinctly and to convey as much as possible with as little words as possible. Guess, I got to undo that now! But thank you for the advice, I will bear that in mind!

[ZebraFinch]

This is really weird for me, as I work in corporate communications right now and have been trained to communicate succinctly and to convey as much as possible with as little words as possible. Guess, I got to undo that now! But thank you for the advice, I will bear that in mind!

 

It's really just strange, everything I've been taught is to keep it simple. Maybe the graders get so fed up with grading these essays they assume long = better.