Help for SOP in supply chain management in a business school

[Elith]

Hello everybody! I am applying to an business school's master program with just 30 places available, so I need to be COMPELLING CONFIDENT and OUTSTANDING, could somebody help me please?! thank you in advance!!! It is a little urgent!

 

Please could you correct my error and give me some advice on the arguments of the statement? 

 

STATEMENT OF PURPOSE – Master of Science in Supply Chain Management and Purchasing

 

In 2014, I got my bachelor’s degree in Management Engineering from University of XXX, Italy. The research carried out for my graduation thesis allowed me to contact Chinese industrial suppliers and consumers from different fields. Moreover, based on the academic knowledge and skills I learnt in my undergraduate studies, I possessed the necessary skill to evaluate the possibility of building a green power generation system in the Guizhou province. 

 

My thesis led me to a deeper understanding of what the future holds for me. I asked myself ‘where I would like to be in the next ten years’, and I figured out that my ultimate ambition is to be on the Supply Chain and the Value Chain of the industry productions. In other words, I aim to be a manager, equipped with both economical and technical understandings, who is not strictly concerned with a single part of the production chain, but relates to the whole production process and strives for perfection and precision, from the producer all the way to the customer. 

 

Due to my parents’ works, I moved from Beijing to Rome at the age of 12. Italian became my second mother tongue. Becoming accustomed to new environments is part of my culture, and this “multinational” advantage led me to choose Management Engineering in the most prestigious University in Rome. 

 

During my undergraduate studies, I have explored the possibilities of reducing industrial waste and minimizing time and costs by using the correct tools and formulas, such as Lean, Six Sigma and OEE Analysis. That interest eventually led me to attend the Manufacturing System Engineering and the Quality Management courses, which further strengthened my problem solving skills. I took part in the graduation project in the TUM course (Urban and Metropolitan Transport), simulating a transportation net of buses (by using the Omnitrans program) in the city of Benevento, in Italy. I am also attending the Six Sigma yellow belt certification program of the University.

 

Furthermore, as the event manager of the Chinese Student Association in XXX, I was in charge of event planning and responsible for both the technical and the logistic side of things, including reaching agreements with sponsors. I've been working as language translator in several fields since the age of 18; thanks to these activities, I sharpened my leadership and communication skills. Due to the Globalization, the worldwide economy is meeting new challenges, my multicultural advantages can be surely exploited and I am confidently awaiting new challenges to put my abilities to the test.

 

Growing both as a hard worker and as an individual is the most important achievement I’d like to accomplish during my master program. My final goal is to work in an international industrial environment, focusing on the development of optimization projects. I want to be part of XXX because it has the best programs among the business schools in the world. The program of Supply Chain Management and Purchasing offers a harmonious combination between the technical knowledge on Supply Chain and the managerial understanding on Purchasing and, the internship projects with great international companies is appealing. Being an engineer with managerial background, I believe that my profile is totally suitable to the Program of SCMP at XXX Business School and I am sure that this program will cater to my interests and guide me in the right directions towards achieving my goals. 

 

I am aware that the XXX Business School expects very high standards from its students. Nevertheless, I am confident that I will be able to meet and exceed those expectations, and my association with the school will be a mutually lucrative one.

[icehawk]

Not bad, but could be shortened a bit and you shouldn't ramble. And then you have more free space to put the suggested, additional information in.

BTW: If the additional information I suggest, is already somewhere else in your application, you should not repeat yourself.

 

Hello everybody! I am applying to an business school's master program with just 30 places available, so I need to be COMPELLING CONFIDENT and OUTSTANDING, could somebody help me please?! thank you in advance!!! It is a little urgent!

Bad time management? :-)

 

In 2014, I got my bachelor’s degree in Management Engineering from University of XXX, Italy. The research carried out for my graduation thesis allowed me to contact Chinese industrial suppliers and consumers from different fields. Moreover, based on the academic knowledge and skills I learnt in my undergraduate studies, I possessed the necessary skill toI evaluated the possibility of building a green power generation system in the Guizhou province.

Please don't ramble. Be concise. BTW: Was this an external thesis, i.e. did you have an employer? If so, mention it here.

 

My thesis led me to a deeper understanding of what the future holds for me. I asked myself ‘where I would like to be in the next ten years’, and I figured out that my ultimate ambition is to be In ten years I see myself on the Supply Chain and the Value Chain of the industry productions. In other words, I aim to be a manager, equipped with both economical and technical understandings, who is not strictly concerned with a single part of the production chain, but relates to the whole production process and strives for perfection and precision, from the producer all the way to the customer.

Please be more specific. What exactly do you want to do as a manager. If you are applying for a programme with "business" and "supply chain mgmt" in the title it is pretty clear that you want to be a manager and do something with supply chains.

 

Due to my parents’ works, I moved from Beijing to Rome at the age of 12. Italian became my second mother tongue. Becoming accustomed to new environments is part of my culture, and this “multinational” advantage led me to choose Management Engineering in the most prestigious University in Rome.

 

This is interesting. Please be more specific. In which way is "Becoming accustomed to new environments" an important part of your (Chinese? Italian?) culture?

Are Chinese people constantly moving around? Also: Why is that relevant to your study?

 

During my undergraduate studies, I have explored the possibilities of reducing industrial waste and minimizing time and costs by using the correct tools and formulas, such as Lean, Six Sigma and OEE Analysis.

Were these lectures or projects. If it were projects, what was your task?

 

That interest eventually led me to attend the Manufacturing System Engineering and the Quality Management courses, which further strengthened my problem solving skills. I took part in the graduation project in the TUM course (Urban and Metropolitan Transport), simulating a transportation net of buses (by using the Omnitrans program) in the city of Benevento, in Italy. I am also attending the Six Sigma yellow belt certification program of the University.

 

Furthermore, as the event manager of the Chinese Student Association in XXX, I was in charge of event planning and responsible for both the technical and the logistic side of things, including reaching agreements with sponsors. I've been working as language translator in several fields since the age of 18; thanks to these activities, I sharpened my leadership and communication skills. Due to the Globalization, the worldwide economy is meeting new challenges, my multicultural advantages can be surely exploited and I am confidently awaiting new challenges to put my abilities to the test.

I know that culture skills are important.

Growing both as a hard worker and as an individual is the most important achievement I’d like to accomplish during my master program. My final goal is to work in an international industrial environment, focusing on the development of optimization projects. I want to be part of XXX because it has the best programs among the business schools in the world.

Unless you are applying to Harvard Business School, I very much doubt that. Maybe review the course list and name the two or three most interesting courses?

 

The program of Supply Chain Management and Purchasing offers a harmonious combination between the technical knowledge on Supply Chain and the managerial understanding on Purchasing and, the internship projects with great international companies is appealing. Being an engineer with managerial background, I believe that my profile is totally suitable to the Program of SCMP at XXX Business School and I am sure that this program will cater to my interests and guide me in the right directions towards achieving my goals. 

They know that they have cool programme, otherwise they wouldn't offer it. You should replace that by a concrete explanation of what in the course list is appealing to you. And why.

 

I am aware that the XXX Business School expects very high standards from its students. Nevertheless, I am confident that I will be able to meet and exceed those expectations, and my association with the school will be a mutually lucrative one.

Edited February 8, 2015 by icehawk