Please review my SOP for Computing in Dundee

[icehawk]

Hello,

I am applying to the MSc Computing programme at Dundee University in Scotland. Could you please review my SOP and give me hints on any obvious mistakes?

 

- I have put my achievements/work experience first and explained my motivation in latter part. Is this a sensible structure, i.e. what should come first: Qualification or motivation?

Here is my SOP with comments:

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am currently enrolled in a 3 and a half years undergraduate programme at Aalen University of Applied Sciences in Germany. I expect to receive a bachelor's degree in computer science in March 2015. My programme has a focus on IT security.

The goal of my undergraduate programme is to train IT security professionals who are able to protect organizations from criminal attackers. In the first three semesters the programme offers courses in programming (C and Java), algorithms, math and theoretical computer science. The last three semesters include courses on network- and system security, forensic and business, as well as law and privacy protection.

This basically repeats my Transcript. Cut out?

 

During my undergraduate programme I have completed several projects. First a report and classroom exercise on malicious software. The exercise involved analyzing a computer for infections, finding out from where the computer is controlled and disabling the controlling computer. All tasks had to be done manually.

The second project was on the analysis of a certain banking software. I determined what the vendor did to protect its customers, how effective these measures where and if there were any mistakes that could be used by criminal attackers.

The third was a computer game running on multiple mobile platforms (e.g. smartphones). Last but not least I prepared a report on developing a programme that allows developers to find errors in their products (debugger) on Linux.

I am an active member of a German political party. I have founded and am leading a team that functions as a central contact person for citizens in my area. I am also co-founder and active member of the local branch in the town of my study.

In ten years I see myself as an experienced professional either in software engineering or in IT security. My short-term goal is to start working as a software tester.

I learned my first programming language, C, when I was about thirteen years old. I further refined this interest during grammar school where I took law and computer science as main courses. During my undergraduate study I have learned to see Computer Science from a professional and a scientific viewpoint.

That is, in several courses on theoretical computer science I saw that algorithms are a fundamental part of nature, not only a human construct. As such, they fall under the restrictions natures laws impose on us. I learned that computer science can be studied as an empirical discipline, as well as an engineering one. Now every machine and every program is an experiment that teaches me something new about our world.

I am not sure about this last paragraph. When I wrote it, it sounded smart. But now I am not sure if its relevant. (Or even understandable)

 

In my two internships I learned how to apply my skills in real working life. I learned how to communicate effectively, how software development is done in practice and experienced the day-to-day business of my employer. Both internships allowed me to dig deep into an interesting topic: Penetration testing in the first case and automatic software security testing in the second case. In both cases my employer firmly invited me to join the company after graduation. Please refer to the employment history for details.

I am unsure about the last sentence. I already wrote about my internships so I didn't want to repeat myself.

Also, in a earlier draft I wrote that "I was an equal team member". But I then found this sentence silly. What do you think?

 

For my future career I deem it necessary to have got to know more than a single culture. I expect that spending a year in Great Britain will provide me with these experiences. If my past visits to foreign countries are of any guidance this year will broaden my horizon and will give me the opportunity to see the world from a different perspective.

A second key skill I want to develop in the UK is my command of the English language. One of my fellow students came back from Australia this year and his English improved tremendously.

These are obvious goals when you are studying abroad... Should I even include that?

 

However my wish to study Computing in Dundee is not second to my wish to study a year abroad. I am interested in the course on agile engineering as I have used agile methods in my internship and found that they created a very creative work climate.

I am also looking forward to your courses on human computer interaction and design ethnography. When I tried to introduce encryption software to relatives, I realized that most of the well known security software is very hard to use for non-experts. As a professional, my goal is to produce products that everyone can use. As a citizen, I think that this problem undermines the right to privacy.

Are the last two sentences useful? I am thinking about cutting them out, because of lack of relevance.

 

I am confident that I will be able to meet the high standards of your university. I hope I could share this confidence with you and am looking forward to hear from you.

Yours sincerely,

Do I need this?

Also I do not have perfect grades. I wrote the following paragraph about it, but left it out. It seemed to be a poor excuse. Do you think I should put it back in?

However, during the first year of my undergraduate study I was a bit overambitious and took too many courses at once. You can see a steady upward curve in my grades after the first year. If you only count the main part (the last three semesters), I would have the German equivalent to a First Class Honours Degree.