The horrors of online dating at a large university in a small town

[wildviolet]

So... my friends got me to sign up for an online dating profile last weekend.

 

On the first day, I met an international graduate student (same university, different college). We set up a date, but he didn't show. I kind of expected that though because he asked me for my FB name, I said no, and he didn't reply. I went anyway, had tons of fun, met new people, and thought I dodged the bullet on that one.

 

Today I met an older guy in his forties who turned out to be a professor at the same university. Our conversation seemed promising, but when he found out I was a graduate student, he said that it was too bad because students were off limits for him.

 

Ah!!! I mean, I'm a graduate "student" in my mid-thirties in a completely different college! I totally get it, though. Two or three years from now, I'll be gone (hopefully), and I'm sure he's got a sweet position here. He was probably looking for marriage, whereas I just think dating would be fun for now.

 

Anyway, I'm not looking for advice, just wanted to share the horrors of online dating at a large university in a small town surrounded by farmland. Despite hundreds of profile views and a few "winks", the only emails I've gotten so far are from guys related to my university. I mean, I probably attract the more academic types anyway (I think "graduate degree" tends to scare away less "educated" guys). Sigh.

[rising_star]

Could you switch your city to a nearby larger city? That might net you a bigger pool of possible dates. 

 

Also, screw that professor. For all he knows, you could land a TT position at a swankier institution than the one he works at now, and bring him on as spousal hire. But, whatever. Totally his loss!

 

FWIW, post-grad school doesn't get any better since you may end up in the middle of nowhere (2-4 hours from a major city) while working at an even smaller institution. I have several friends in that boat now.

[wildviolet]

Thanks, rising star! That was just the laugh I needed right now!

 

I'm about 1 hour in either direction from the nearest large city/metropolitan area, and I had set my radius to 120 miles, but I might need to set it higher.

 

You're right about landing a TT position at a swankier institution! My college is ranked higher than his, and I've assembled a dream team--my dissertation is going to be kick-ass, and I'm getting ready to submit my first first-author publication as a graduate student (which is a big deal in my field). You're right--screw him! (Besides, I was thinking mid-forties is a bit too old for me.)

[rising_star]

Oh, I didn't just mean set a higher radius. I meant list yourself as living in one of those nearby cities, rather than where you actually live.

[dr. t]

Just FYI, some universities have blanket policies prohibiting professors from dating students who attend that university, full stop.

[wildviolet]

Our university's policy is that dating is okay between professors/instructors and students as long as you're not in a supervisory or grading position. We had a thorough training about that our first week here since many of us are instructors of record... which is why I'm surprised that he has a policy of not dating graduate students, especially ones outside his department (I completely understand not wanting to date undergraduate students). Being a large university in a small town means almost everyone is connected somehow to the university--it seems like he'd be unnecessarily restricting his dating pool if he rules out any kind of student.

[Williemorris]

I think it is a great advantage for you to have possibility to date someone from your living and studying area. I gave up Tinder and Match.com as soon as I moved to Des Moines and got an opportunity to meet people from my town (I used https://kovla.com/datings/us/des-moines ). Big sites have millions users with a lot of scammers and weird people, with no perspective for real relationships. As for the professor - I don't know how I would act in his place, it's  great risk to lose job, even if you're from different college...From the other side, do you need a man who isn't ready to take a risk?)