solving the 2-body problem

[Cosmojo]

Well I'm sure many of us have heard it before, the 2-body problem is a hard one to solve. My significant other (SO) is great. SO currently has a great job, works from home and is the primary breadwinner, which isn't really saying much when you are on a stipend. SO has supported me through degree after degree,all over the country, and has been really selfless about it. There has always been an understanding that when I am done with my degree that I will try and find a job in a location SO wants to be, and that we will try and settle down so that SO can complete his degree.

This is an issue when I think about the fact that I might have to take a postdoc or 2 and then a "real job" but I can't imagine that we are the first couple to deal with this. How do I get a job I want, and settle down? Is there a way to avoid the location jumping-hopefully without leaving research?

 

We cannot be the first people to struggle with this, experiences and stories please!

[GeoDUDE!]

National Labs, R&D in industry. 

[TakeruK]

My spouse and I have a similar plan too. Ultimately, before I started my PhD, we set a "time limit" on academia. We both agreed that 10 years is a reasonable time for us to try to launch me into an academic career in a place we both want to live. 10 years is based on a 5 year PhD + 3-5 years of postdoc. We also decided that starting with the PhD program, I would only take offers that both 1) have the best chance of me reaching the academic career "pipe dream" goal and 2) are located in a place we actually want to live in. We decided that an academic career is too iffy for it to be worth being miserable for 10 years without a guaranteed payoff.

 

So, I only applied to the top programs. I'm going to apply to postdocs in about a year and I will be fairly selective. I think I will mainly target prize postdocs and positions at prestigious places with access to resources that allow me to live up to my full potential as a researcher. I do not plan on accepting a postdoc position simply to stay in academia. If I'm not competitive enough to get one of my dream postdoc positions at this point, I know I will not be competitive enough to be worth any more investment of my and my spouse's time into chasing this career. If I do get prestigious postdocs, there will be a ~5 year limit on postdocing (~2 positions at most) before securing a permanent job. No plans on continuing the academic career path beyond two postdocs / 5 years (whatever comes first).

 

So, overall there are a lot of "exit points" in our 10 year plan:
Year 0: Not getting into a top PhD program

Year 1: Not passing qualifying exams

Year 5 or 6: Not graduating and getting a good postdoc

Year 8: Not getting a good second postdoc

Year 10: Not getting a good permanent position (not necessarily TT professor) in a place we both like

 

After 10 years or at any exit point, our plan is to settle down near our hometown (and our parents). This means that unless we fall in love with some other city, we are promising ourselves a permanent place to be when we're 35. 

 

This doesn't take away the "location jumping" aspect of academia but I think it really helped us feel better about the uncertainty of academia because of three things:

1. We are limiting the number of times we move.

2. We are only moving to places we actually like being in.

3. We know that the "nomad" phase of our life is only temporary and we know where our permanent location will likely be. This makes the nomad part more enjoyable/adventure like and reduces (but doesn't fully eliminate) the stress that comes from uncertainty. I don't know where my postdoc will be, and it is unlikely I will know where I will be in Fall 2017 until sometime in Spring 2017, but I do know that it will be a place we actually like (whether it's a postdoc in a good location or we're taking the exit to go home).

[TakeruK]

PS I don't consider this a "solution" to the two-body problem. But it's a good enough approximation for the two of us.

[dstock]

Can your SO complete his degree while you are getting your PhD?  At least you'll be in one place for 5 years or so.

 

Since you want stories : I met my fiance in college. After college I got a job in city X, so he also found a job there. We lived in the same city and dated a few years, and we weren't living together yet. I moved jobs once, about 45 mins away (still close enough for us).  Then he applied for graduate school and got into 2 schools.  One in an academic hub (several colleges) and one that was kind've remote. Since I also was thinking about graduate schools, we decided he take the one in the "hub" so that I would have a good chance of getting in nearby. He started school and we moved in together! A year later I applied to graduate schools, and obviously I only applied to local schools! I started school at one about an hour away from his so we live midway between and both commute a bit.  The next hurdle is when we both graduate. We may graduate at the same time, or 1 of us will be a year behind- hard to say.  We'll face that when we do! I think this next step will be the most challenging due to timing being off and in case we have young children by then

 

We've been successful thus far due to the luck of finding opportunities nearby, putting staying local to each other *above* finding the absolute best opportunity, and compromising!