Can someone critique my argument essay for GRE please!

[inibrahim]

Woven baskets characterized by a particular distinctive pattern have previously been found only in the immediate vicinity of the prehistoric village of Palea and therefore were believed to have been made only by the Palean people. Recently, however, archaeologists discovered such a "Palean" basket in Lithos, an ancient village across the Brim River from Palea. The Brim River is very deep and broad, and so the ancient Paleans could have crossed it only by boat, and no Palean boats have been found. Thus it follows that the so-called Palean baskets were not uniquely Palean.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

 

The argument does not make a valid statement due to a few reasons. The statements used to justify the arguments position that Palean baskets are not unique to Palea do not contain required proof that is essential to proving the argument’s validity.

 

            The argument fails to mention that although archeologists have failed to find any Palean boats on the shore of Lithos, there may still be remains of boats nearby in undiscovered areas. Furthermore, it may also be stated that the boats may have been a form of delivery boats that would deliver baskets to Lithos and return back to Palea. With this claim, there may have been a time in which Paleans temporarily travelled to Lithos and delivered baskets for trade. If the argument would provide us with some information on the economic exchange between Palea and Lithos, we may be able to have a better idea on the frequency of visits Palea had with Lithos.

 

            The argument also does not take into consideration that Paleos baskets may have washed up on the shore of Lithos. It should be taken into account that baskets are light and small, easily floating atop the Brim River finding their way to Lithos. Therefore, even if we assume that there were no Palean boats on the shores of Lithos, boats may not have been the only means of transportation for baskets to travel.

 

            Finally, on further investigation there may be evidence that the baskets discovered in Lithos, although similar, may not have truly been Palean. On accurate study of the finest details, it may be proved that even though the baskets are similar in design, the material may be different. Thus, without a further detailed comparison study of the baskets found in Lithos and Palea, we cannot assume that it is indeed the same basket in both cities and that this basket is not unique to Palea.

 

            Since the argument fails to make any claims backed up by further evidence, its assumption that the Palea basket is not unique to Palea is proven unwarranted. 

[Katharine@GreenlightGRE]

I think that you had a good start with this essay, but you'll have to add length to your essay in order to get a top score. 

 

Writing: I did not see major writing errors throughout your essay, but I think that you should still save a few minutes at the end of the time limit to check over your work. I think you missed a word in your middle paragraph. Otherwise there were no glaring problems.

 

Structure: Right away I noticed your short conclusion, which needs to be a little longer if you want to reach a high score. I'm glad that you started with three body paragraphs, but you'll have to go into a little more detail if you want to develop your ideas and reach a proper essay length.

 

Arguments: You had several good ideas for ways to improve the author's reasoning, and I liked the suggestions you made for evidence that is needed to back up the author's claims. All you need to do is extend these arguments a little further so your essay is long enough. 

 

Suggestions for Improvement: Make sure that you write a full conclusion (at least three sentences) and work on building up each paragraph. If you have the chance, look at our free GRE videos to get pointers on how to improve you essay. You can find the videos here: http://www.greenlighttestprep.com/module/gre-analytical-writing

 

If you have any specific questions, please let me know.

 

Best, 

Katharine