Could someone please rate my essays! Thanks!

[Tpell]

Essay 1: Although technology is said to simplify our lives it only complicates our lives.

It is argued by some that technology, while disguised as a way to simplify our lives, only complicates it further. However due to the simplification that technology has created in regards to medicine, communication and access to information I would argue that technology does indeed simplify our lives.

 

The first major simplification that technology creates is in the medical field. Specifically, when focusing on helping to simplify the lives of the disabled. Take the wheel chair for example, before its invention; a disabled person was forced to stay in one spot creating a burden on others to care for them. Thanks to the wheel chair they were able to be more mobile by pushing themselves around, therefore simplifying the lives of those around them and allowing them more freedom. Then even further advancements were made to the wheelchair with the introduction of the electric wheelchair, which allows a person to move at the press of button. The technology has simplified the medical situation of not only the person using the technology but also those around them.

 

A second simplification thanks to technology is the ease with which we communicate. In the past to correspond with someone it would require writing a letter, going to the post office to mail the letter, the postal service would sort the letters, put them on the right mode of transportation, and deliver the correspondence. Now, we can simply type a message and hit send allowing correspondence to take place within seconds. A process that went through numerous hands and could take months has now been simplified to seconds.

 

Finally, the way in which one accesses information has also been simplified due to technology. One is no longer restricted to the contents of their local library or the resources in their current location. Now we have access to a variety of knowledge from all over the world simply by using a search bar. While some may argue that this could lead to information overload, which only complicates the research process. However, with the right technique one can easily decipher the credibility of information found over the Internet.

 

Overall technology creates simplification in our lives through ease in access to information and communication. In addition technology even allows for ease in physical movement for some. The momentary complication associated with adapting to a new technology does not outweigh the long-term simplification that it offers.

 

Essay 2: SuperCorp recently moved its headquarters to Corporateville. The recent surge in the number of homeowners in Corporateville proves that Corporateville is a superior place to live than Middlesburg, the home of SuperCorp's current headquarters. Moreover, Middleburg is a predominately urban area and according to an employee survey, SuperCorp has determined that its workers prefer to live in an area that is not urban. Finally, Corporateville has lower taxes than Middlesburg, making it not only a safer place to work but also a cheaper one. Therefore, Supercorp clearly made the best decision.

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on the assumptions and what the implications are if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

 

 

The author of this paragraph makes the assumption that Corporateville is a superior place to live than Middlesburg. The author states that is superior because there is a surge in the number of homeowners, it is not an urban area and Corporateville has lower tax rates. However, there are some arguments that could be made against this evidence.

 

The first issue with this paragraph is that it calls Corporateville superior to Middlesburg. However, the word superior itself needs much more description because what makes a place superior is different for each individual person. Therefore the argument could be strengthened if the author were to give a more detail about what is meant by the term superior. Does this mean superior because there are better neighborhoods or is it superior because homeowners get a better value on their homes? The author does state that the recent surge in the number of homeowners is what makes it superior. However, what if someone finds a less populated city more superior? A surge in homeowners may mean overcrowding in the city. Therefore, to some people Corporateville would be inferior.

 

A second assumption made is that because of a survey, which said, that workers prefer to live in an area that is not urban Corporateville is better than Middleburg. However, once again "not urban" can mean many different things. Perhaps workers would rather live in a suburban area but Corporateville is a rural area. This would mean Corporateville is not exactly what the workers had in mind when they said "not urban". The assumption that is also made in terms of "not urban" is that it Corporateville is safer. This assumption could be better proven with reports showing that Corporateville is safer than an urban city.

 

The last assumption is that lower taxes make it a cheaper to live there and therefore a better decision. Again this is not necessarily true. For example, lower taxes may mean less money for infrastructure. This lack of care of infrastructure could lead to poorly kept roads and major traffic areas. This would cause Corporateville to be less superior to Middlesburg if a person values less traffic over cheaper taxes.

 

This argument has many assumptions about lower taxes, safety and homeownership, which leads to the overall assumption of the superiority of Corporateville over Middlesburg. With the use of more statistical data and specificity this argument could be strengthened.

[Elizabeth Knapp]

I think you will do fine with some help, but these essays would score rather low. Work on writing in a more direct way (more simply). For example, don't use so much passive voice, and make sure you know what your clear subject and verb is in each sentence. I think your ideas are fine, but your writing style makes them a bit tough for the reader to understand. Also, write more. These are pretty short, and you're missing a lot of great analysis, and your introductions and conclusions are far too short to do their jobs fully. I would also recommend looking up comma rules if you have the time (you're missing a lot of commas). If your test is soon, don't worry about it.

[tripathiabhinav]

Agreeing with Elizabeth, your ideas are cohesive but your writing needs improvement. And you should put up more points, at least go for 4 points and structure them properly(your structure at present is perfect but inclusion of  more point(s) should not disturb it). I'll give you a 3 on this.