Older student SOP, Personal Statement - Second grad program app

[J. R., MPPA]

Alrighty folks, I've talked about how I'm applying for my second grad program this fall.. here's my personal statement.

Mind you.. I've had 20 years since high school and have had some seriously hard times.  I've included them here in the SOP, but also how these events made me a better person and ready for a PhD program.

 

When I was medically discharged from the Air Force in 2001, I did not know what I was going to do.  My parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, all served in the military in one capacity or another and it was generally accepted that I would follow that career path as well.  My mother did try to direct me towards college prior to my enlistment, but my half-hearted attempt was unsuccessful because I had no alternate view towards the future other than to serve in the armed forces.  Without the structured life of the military and the support of my peers, I slipped into a deep depression and became homeless.  In the year that followed my discharge though, I was lucky enough to meet the woman that would become my wife.  It was through her care and support in the early years that I was able to deal with and finally overcome my disability many years later. 

In the middle of 2002, I decided to “get back on the horse” and go back to school.  I chose the paralegal profession because I had an interest in law and wanted to pursue it as a career.  I initially experienced a bit of success in doing it by making the Dean’s List, but it did not last long though because I had become symptomatic again, losing my ability to focus on reading and retaining information.  Although I was able to complete the program and obtain my degree in paralegal studies, I was not able to find work due to the resurgence of problems with my disability and the depression that goes along with it. 

A few years went by and I was beginning to take control of my life.  My wife and I recently had our first daughter in 2005 and I felt that I was able to return to school.  While my grades were not stellar in the first few semesters, they were a positive reaffirmation for me that I was making some tangible progress in combating my condition.  It all fell apart though in the spring of 2007, not due to my disability, but because my wife was diagnosed with a terminal cancer and I was informed by hospital staff that I should prepare to be a single father.  I tried to continue in my studies, but the time and effort required caring for both her and my child proved to be too much.  Staying at home though was the least I could do for the woman that stayed with me throughout the early years after leaving the military.  Thankfully, through the expert work and caring support of many doctors, nurses, and staff, my wife beat insurmountable odds and survived her cancer.

After this traumatic period, continuing my education was low on the list of priorities.  Although she made it through all of her treatment, she still required plenty of physical therapy and emotional support.  In 2009 as she was reaching a return to full health, a transformative incident occurred that put me on the path to where I am today.  My eldest daughter was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes at the age of four.  T1D is a serious autoimmune disease that not properly treated can lead to a quick and painful death.  This time though, rather than “fall apart” as before, I approached the situation differently.  I had grown as a person, adopting such personal idioms as “Ain’t nothin’ to it but to do it,” and “Got time to lean, got time to clean.”  I learned that the best way to approach any problem was to meet it head on, sort it out, and then file it away for future reference.  With this new mindset, we were able to face this new challenge, take full control of the situation, and insure the continuing health of our daughter.  It was after this event that I finally began to achieve self-actualization.

A part of my daughter’s diabetes is to eat healthy and log her food.  By this time, I had become morbidly obese with a weight of 315 pounds.  I needed to set the example and become the role model I should be as her father.  I took it upon myself to follow her prescribed dietary regimen and adopt a physical fitness plan.  It took two years, but I managed to lose 130 pounds and return to a healthy weight.  Along the way towards my goal, I became a part of a nationwide community of diabetic and special-needs children.  I learned about the problems that we and other families like us deal with daily in areas such as K-12 public school and means-tested government health services.  While our stories may be different, at their core they all pertain to some level of interaction with federal or state government.  Having learned my previous lesson of being pro-active in facing challenges, I decided to find a way to get into a position where I could affect change that would be beneficial to the community. 

By the summer of 2012, I knew that to be able to get anywhere that I would need to complete a bachelor’s degree.  To do so I needed to finish some tough courses I had put off at the local community college.  I was advised by friends and family that going full time would be too much for me because of past performance, but I knew deep down that I could do it because I was no longer the person that I was.  I had drive, direction, and purpose.  This was the first time in my life I had achieved outstanding academic success.  I then continued on at our local university to major in government so that I could build a foundation of knowledge pertinent to my goals. 

The diagnosis of my daughter was not the last test I would face though.  In early 2013, my wife and I had our second child.  It was a complicated pregnancy and required that I miss some classes while my wife was in-patient for the last month.  Luckily, only one of my grades was negatively affected and I was still able to graduate with high honors.  After graduation, I decided to stay at California State University Sacramento to obtain an MPPA degree, which has helped me gain valuable experience in policy analysis and leadership.

In the spring of 2015, my recent addition to the family needed to have her spine fused due to a congenital birth defect.  It required her to be in-patient at Lucile Packard Children’s Hospital in Palo Alto, CA.  While my daughter was there, we lived at a local Ronald McDonald House and I had to commute from the San Francisco bay area to Sacramento and back.  As before, the logistics of the situation caused me to miss a few days of class which had a slight impact on my grades for the semester. 

As I reach the end of the public policy and administration program, I realize that I am not done yet.  Not only do I want to be a leader in the community to bring about necessary changes, I believe I have something to add to the academic public policy field as a whole.  My research areas of interest are in health and education, and the graduate classes I have taken covering areas such as research methodology and policy analysis have given me the tools I need to begin my work.

 

(THIS IS WHERE I ADD SCHOOL SPECIFIC INFO, Research interests etc.)

 

(CONCLUSION FOLLOWS)

While admittedly this is a rather lengthy story, I believe it helps to encompass the entirety of who I am and how I got here.  I am no longer the person that I was.  I have learned that “falling apart” in the face of a challenge serves no purpose and the best way to deal with them is head-on.  This mentality coupled with my drive for knowledge and desire to apply what I have learned in my previous graduate studies to my future research is why I know I am ready to take the next step in my academic journey and begin doctoral level studies.

Edited September 21, 2015 by J. R., MPPA
Change to personal statement rather than pure SOP

[fuzzylogician]

 J. R., MPPA, what you posted here is very well written. It is compelling and eloquent and deserves to be read by the adcoms. However, it is not a statement of purpose. Your 9th and last paragraphs begins to do a little bit of what an SOP should do -- explain what your research interests are, why you are applying for a PhD, why you chose the particular program you are applying to, and what you hope to do with your degree once you've graduated. I am sure you have opinions about all of those things. You need to spell them out, and they need to be front and center in the SOP. Burying them in paragraphs 9-11 of the statement is not the best idea, in my opinion. I would suggest the following: keep what you have in paragraphs 1-9 as a separate statement. Statements like this are sometimes called a "personal history statement" though the name doesn't matter much. Find a way to submit it as a supplemental essay and you can even make reference to it in your SOP and allude to your unusual life story (or submit it as an addendum to the SOP).

In your SOP, give a very brief summary of your background, as it pertains to your research interests -- maybe that's your daughter's diagnosis or your wife's struggles or some kind of combined wisdom that came out of all of it -- whatever it is, it shouldn't be more than one paragraph. Concentrate instead on your professional background: how your life experience have steered you in this direction (briefly!), how you've sought out education to round out your knowledge and help your pursue your larger goal of X, why specifically you are applying for a PhD and what you hope to gain from it, why that particular school, what you'll do with the degree. I can tell you one immediate question I have, and I'm sure I won't be the only one, is why a PhD. From your statement, it sounds like you want to do things, not just study things. Are you sure you need a PhD for what you want to do? Are you sure you want to spend 5 years researching a particular topic? Or do you want to have opportunities to act, be a leader? Is the PhD, or another degree, what will enable that? If the answer is that, yes, a PhD is exactly what you want, then that's great! Spell it out for the adcom, make them see why you should be there. Spend time explaining what you want to do in grad school and what you plan to do after. That is the goal of the SOP. 

[TakeruK]

It sounds like you have had an interesting past and that your history has shaped you into the person you are today.

If this is a statement of purpose (as you say in your title), then I would agree with fuzzy that you need to change the focus of your SOP. Your SOP should focus more on you as a scholar and as an academic--fuzzy gave good advice on what points to touch on in your SOP. 

I think you should remove the majority of the details of your personal life in the academic SOP. If you have the opportunity to tell your compelling story in another way (e.g. a personal history statement, or a supplementary essay), then I think that would be a great place to do that! However, by using the majority of your SOP space to tell your personal story, you are taking focus away from the main point of the SOP, which is to tell your academic story.

[J. R., MPPA]

Yeah, I realized after I posted this that this is a personal statement.  Thanks

Updated to add:

Regarding the issue of whether or not a PhD.. Rather than Public policy programs, there are public health PhDs that are more applied and pertinent to my field of interest.  Many schools have a PhD in Public Health and Leadership.. they also have DPh programs for mid-career folks already in leadership positions.  I'm leaning more towards the PhD because I have a strong interest in quantitative methods and research design.  My advisor in my current program agreed that it would be a good direction because this PhD is also geared towards leadership in the field instead of purely research.

Edited September 21, 2015 by J. R., MPPA