GRE Essays-can some grade please?

[muayyad]

Hi,

Thanks for looking in here.I used score it now! to grade my analysis if issue and argument topics.I think it is not an accurate grade since it is done by the computer.On the real test, there is a real person and a computer.Here are my essays.Thank you for your help:

Analyze an Argument Topic:

The following appeared in an e-mail sent by the marketing director of the Classical Shakespeare Theatre of Bardville.

"Over the past ten years, there has been a 20 percent decline in the size of the average audience at Classical Shakespeare Theatre productions. In spite of increased advertising, we are attracting fewer and fewer people to our shows, causing our profits to decrease significantly. We must take action to attract new audience members. The best way to do so is by instituting a 'Shakespeare in the Park' program this summer. Two years ago the nearby Avon Repertory Company started a 'Free Plays in the Park' program, and its profits have increased 10 percent since then. Therefore, I recommend that we start a 'Shakespeare in the Park' program of our own. If we do so, I predict that our profits will also see a significant increase."

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

Your Answer:

The recommendation to include 'Shakespeare in the Park' to increase the profits of Classical Shakespeare Theatre production would be a good idea , but the theatre would need to answer the following questions to make sure that this type of program would actually increase profits.

First, the Classical Shakespeare Theatre production needs to evaluate its advertising methods used vs. profits. The company would have data that shows what advertising method was used, and the amount of profit generated from each advertising method. For example, the company would be able to look at the TV advertising used vs. online reviews used , and find out if there was a significant change in profit between the two advertising methods. Based on the data collected, the theatre would be able to decide if starting a new program is feasible.

Second, the Classical Shakespeare Theatre production would need to compare the location of the Avon Repertory Company to its location. This would give an idea of the customers that go to Avon Company, and the businesses that surround it. The location would be a big factor in deciding if the program is feasible. The Classical Shakespeare Theatre production would be in a bad situation if the location was far from the park, or the location of theatre is causing the decline in its profit. Therefore, the Classical Shakespeare Theatre production should evaluate its location before deciding to start a new program.

Third, the Avon Repertory Company used the 'Free Plays in the Park' program two years ago. This is old information, and needs to be updated. The Classical Shakespeare Theatre production should look at other theatres and programs that are more up to date to recent times. The company will have more accurate information to make a decision on its recommendation of starting a new program based on recent information not old information that is two years old.

In conclusion, the Classical Shakespeare Theatre production needs to answer the questions of location, advertising methods used vs. profit, and updating their information on surrounding theatres, and programs. These three questions will help the company find out if the profit will increase when using the new program.

Score: 4

Time Used:

29 minutes 60 seconds

Explanation of Score:

In addressing the specific task directions, a 4 response presents a competent examination of the argument and conveys meaning with acceptable clarity.

A typical response in this category

·         identifies and examines aspects of the argument relevant to the assigned task but may also discuss some extraneous points

·         develops and organizes ideas satisfactorily but may not connect them with transitions

·         supports its main points adequately but may be uneven in its support

·         demonstrates sufficient control of language to convey ideas with acceptable clarity

·         generally demonstrates control of the conventions of standard written English but may have some errors

 

 

Edited October 9, 2015 by muayyad

[ana_sharrock_25]

Hi Muayyad,

I have read your analysis of the argument. I have these comments:

 

Introduction: Good

First point, need to review advertising methods. I do not see clearly how the revision of advertising methods will help to decide if the implementation of the Shakespeare in the park thing will be successful. I think you need to clarify more how that is related. On the other hand, good paragraph structure.

Second point. It would be good if you expanded more on how the location may affect the success of the Shakespeare plays in the park. E.g: If in Bardville the park is very small, people may not want to go there, or if the park is far from the city centre. This shows more insight on how this information impacts the measure of the plays decision. On the other hand, good paragraph structure.

Third point. Ok. Also, good paragraph structure.

Good conclusion.

Good overall structure (division in paragraphs), Good syntax. Good sentence variety. Good vocabulary.

I hope this helps. Please, review my argument essay, I have written it on the same subject as you.

[nevermind]

Honestly, it looks like a 4 essay to me. 

Your first paragraph should perhaps explicate on basic economic theory and "why" expanding profits are a good idea. How you do this is up to you and could take many forms...but it could be something like:

For any business to succeed, they must generate an overall profit. Although some believe that theatre performance only serves as a creative outlet (and thereby should not be constrained by financial circumstances), in reality, theatre performance involves a myriad of skilled laborers who rely on compensation, including trained actors, set designers, costume designers, and audio and visual technicians. If an organization's profits dwindle, this may negatively impact the quality of life of the cast and crew who depend on performances for their income. As fewer people attend shows, overall costs prohibit adding performances to a schedule--and those involved may seek out alternatives to marry their creative ambitions with their financial goals. As such, action must be taken to increase attendance and drive overall profits, though it is unclear that starting a "Shakespeare in the Park" program will have these desired effects.

Evaluations (2nd, 3rd, 4th paragraphs):

You do a nice job of identifying why the comparisons aren't valid, but you don't really flesh out the ideas as well as you should. For example,  you say:

The Classical Shakespeare Theatre production would be in a bad situation if the location was far from the park, or the location of theatre is causing the decline in its profit. Therefore, the Classical Shakespeare Theatre production should evaluate its location before deciding to start a new program.
 

"would be in a bad situation" is pretty lazy writing. You can polish up this whole paragraph...

Your premise (and my assumptions about your premise): You can't compare the outcomes because they are in different locations which may or may not have the same outcome (i.e. apples and oranges). 

One caveat: The prompt NEVER mentions that the failing theatre company would be offering free performances in the park, like the ARC. This would be a stronger apples/oranges argument to begin with. 

Not ONLY this, but think about location. How could it negatively impact a outdoor Shakespeare performance? Maybe it's in a crime-ridden area. Maybe there are different geographical factors (too hot/too cold). Maybe demographics are different and in the ARC, many people are drawn to the "Free" factor, where as in the CST, a "Free" performance may be an indicator of a sub-standard object (like a luxury item that is more desired as a price goes up...).

There are a lot of factors that could differentiate the two, but you don't address any of them. 

Conclusion: Your conclusion isn't necessarily the strongest. I'd stay away from saying "with these three factors, they'd know if the program works" but rather stick to something even more vague saying, "because of these factors, further assessment is necessary to determine if the Park program will increase profits."

Good luck!

 

Edited October 15, 2015 by tmt503