Visual analysis

[Nia D]

Hello,

I  am trying to write a visual analysis. Could you please check the beginning of my essay? Thank you!

Guercino's  Allegory of Painting and Sculpture depics two young women dressed in large beautiful dresses. The woman on the right  is dressed in red . She is holding a small sculpture in her hands and is looking at the canvas. The woman on the left is dressed in brown. She is an artist and her look is directed at her model, the small sculpure. We can follow the gazes of both figues. They are placed  in the centre of the painting and occupy the whole space of it. The absence of  contour  lines create the impression of heaviness of the figures. The dark  room creates conrast with light colours of the women's  clothes and the shadows  of  their dresses create a sense of roundness to their forms.

Edited October 28, 2015 by Nia D

[brown_eyed_girl]

This forum is intended to offer advice specifically about Art History graduate programs. If you are currently a student, try your school's writing center. It looks like you would benefit from some edits for style, sentence structure, and vocabulary. I'd also consider putting more important/relevant information at the start of the paragraph - unless you have a lot to say about the figure on the right wearing a red dress, you may not want to lead with that or use two sentences to tell us what color the dresses are. You may also want to consider issues like use of light/dark, negative space, facial expressions, treatment of drapery, stylistic tendencies, quality of brushwork, etc. If you don't have a writing center or tutor available to you, looking at visual analyses in published sources may give you a better sense of where you should aim. 

Edit: I just saw that you've already asked here about how to improve your writing abilities, and that you stated that you are new to the field and English is not your first language. You are off to a good start, and I encourage you again to use your school's resources to work on your English composition skills. Right now, your writing is fine in terms of grammar and spelling, but you have room to improve in complex sentence structure, academic vocab, and overall flow. This takes practice, time, and effort to achieve, but it's certainly doable. Some general writing composition classes would be great, too, if they are offered at your school. Good luck! 

Edited October 28, 2015 by brown_eyed_girl

[Nia D]

This forum is intended to offer advice specifically about Art History graduate programs. If you are currently a student, try your school's writing center. It looks like you would benefit from some edits for style, sentence structure, and vocabulary. I'd also consider putting more important/relevant information at the start of the paragraph - unless you have a lot to say about the figure on the right wearing a red dress, you may not want to lead with that or use two sentences to tell us what color the dresses are. You may also want to consider issues like use of light/dark, negative space, facial expressions, treatment of drapery, stylistic tendencies, quality of brushwork, etc. If you don't have a writing center or tutor available to you, looking at visual analyses in published sources may give you a better sense of where you should aim. 

Edit: I just saw that you've already asked here about how to improve your writing abilities, and that you stated that you are new to the field and English is not your first language. You are off to a good start, and I encourage you again to use your school's resources to work on your English composition skills. Right now, your writing is fine in terms of grammar and spelling, but you have room to improve in complex sentence structure, academic vocab, and overall flow. This takes practice, time, and effort to achieve, but it's certainly doable. Some general writing composition classes would be great, too, if they are offered at your school. Good luck! 

 What you said about my skills is very encouraging  Thank you! I must have misunderstood the goal of this forum. Sorry.  Improving   sentence structure and academic vocabulary is exactly what I need. That's why I have been trying to find   some textbooks. I will follow your advice:)