Tips for bouncing back after a post-interview rejection?

[cpctc1]

So I got my first post-interview rejection today and while the program wasn't my top choice, it's safe to say I'm pretty crushed. It just really hurts considering how much programs emphasize that everyone at the interview is qualified on paper. Leads me to believe I'm awkward/boring/hard to get along with. Luckily I have one more interview weekend coming up, but I seriously can't stop thinking about this rejection. Any tips for bouncing back/things you've done to improve from one interview to the next? Any advice would be much appreciated.

[fuzzylogician]

I'm sorry you got rejected, that sucks. Sometimes these things aren't really about you at all. Some programs interview a lot more people than they will extend offers to, and maybe others were a better fit with the faculty, or just connected with them more. Or, maybe there is something you can change to improve how you interview. 

So, as a first pass, you are allowed to feel upset, and if you can, you should take a day or two off and try to take your mind off of it. It sucks.

Next, I think what you want to do is try to "debug" the interview. How did you feel during and after the interview? Did you feel like you made a good impression, or did you feel like you didn't really get to say some things you wanted to or that you might have misrepresented your ideas? Did you write down the questions that you were asked? If you felt like you had a good connection with your interviewers and you answered their questions well, then maybe there isn't much that you can do, except maybe re-think the questions and your answers to assure yourself that you're indeed saying everything you want to. If you felt like you didn't connect with the people or you didn't manage to either convey the right content or use the right tone, then you should try to practice more. As a first pass, just with yourself. Maybe it'll help you to start by writing down a bullet-point list of things you want to bring up and then work out a short text of a possible answer, then at a later stage you could recruit a friend for help and have them ask you the questions. The goals isn't to memorize an answer but to have an idea of what the answer should contain. If you get very nervous at these things, practicing saying it out loud will also help calm your nerves. If the problem with simply that you and your potential advisor didn't "hit it off", then again there is less that you can do, but I also don't think you should feel too bad about the rejection. You don't really want to work with an advisor you don't get along with, anyway. That's never a good idea. 

[ChrisTOEFert]

1 hour ago, fuzzylogician said:

I'm sorry you got rejected, that sucks. Sometimes these things aren't really about you at all. Some programs interview a lot more people than they will extend offers to, and maybe others were a better fit with the faculty, or just connected with them more. Or, maybe there is something you can change to improve how you interview. 

So, as a first pass, you are allowed to feel upset, and if you can, you should take a day or two off and try to take your mind off of it. It sucks.

Next, I think what you want to do is try to "debug" the interview. How did you feel during and after the interview? Did you feel like you made a good impression, or did you feel like you didn't really get to say some things you wanted to or that you might have misrepresented your ideas? Did you write down the questions that you were asked? If you felt like you had a good connection with your interviewers and you answered their questions well, then maybe there isn't much that you can do, except maybe re-think the questions and your answers to assure yourself that you're indeed saying everything you want to. If you felt like you didn't connect with the people or you didn't manage to either convey the right content or use the right tone, then you should try to practice more. As a first pass, just with yourself. Maybe it'll help you to start by writing down a bullet-point list of things you want to bring up and then work out a short text of a possible answer, then at a later stage you could recruit a friend for help and have them ask you the questions. The goals isn't to memorize an answer but to have an idea of what the answer should contain. If you get very nervous at these things, practicing saying it out loud will also help calm your nerves. If the problem with simply that you and your potential advisor didn't "hit it off", then again there is less that you can do, but I also don't think you should feel too bad about the rejection. You don't really want to work with an advisor you don't get along with, anyway. That's never a good idea. 

Came here to basically comment this.

I got rejected over the summer for a very prestigious PhD offer after being flown out to attend an interview week.  Looking back on it, I was not very prepared.  I hadn't practiced at all, stammered my way through the answers and was very cyclical in my dialogue.  I was nervous, sure, but nothing that I hadn't felt before.  I should have prepared a little better and I may have come out with the win.  However, knowing what I know now, I was prepared for an interview for a better program, nailed the interview, and subsequently got the position (and where I will be attending in the Fall).  You can't change the past, but you can improve on what needs to be done for the future.  Good luck in your next interview and relax and try to gather as much information as possible about the school from the process.

[cpctc1]

@fuzzylogician @ChrisTOEFert Thank you both so much for your thoughtful and applicable advice. I really appreciate it and definitely have some things to take into consideration when preparing for my last interview weekend. 

[sjoh197]

Eat a half carton of frozen custard while watching parks and rec and crying.

Ok, maybe not the crying, but definitely the frozen custard.

[cpctc1]

33 minutes ago, sjoh197 said:

Eat a half carton of frozen custard while watching parks and rec and crying.

Ok, maybe not the crying, but definitely the frozen custard.

This sounds wonderful, minus the crying

[emmm]

Actually, the crying probably wouldn't hurt either. It can be a great stress reliever :-)

@fuzzylogician gave you good advice in trying to debug the interview. I had a similar experience, but I hadn't felt awkward at all during the interviews. Looking back on it, however, I realized that any time anyone had complimented me on something in my record, I had had to say something to minimize the accomplishment. It was as though it was physically uncomfortable for me to accept a compliment. So, I made a bullet point list of things that I was actually proud of and practiced saying "Thank you, and ..." and then actually discussing the topic further in a positive, rather than a minimizing way. I also took a brief moment before answering (not noticeable, more a mental check) to make sure I didn't say the first thing that came to my mind during the interview, because it could potentially be self-sabotaging.

[cpctc1]

@emmm Love the idea of making a bullet point list of points of pride and practicing the thank you/elaboration. Taking a few seconds to think about my answer is also definitely something I need to work on. Thanks!