What do you think of this as the first sentence of a SOP?

[a fragrant plant]

Mine is "In retrospect to the development of my intellectual inquiry, I realized that my interest in ...."

My boyfriend said he wouldn't start the SOP with "in retrospect", what do you guys think?

[keylimekai]

Bad idea.

[mudlark]

I think it's too wordy, and the phrasing is unclear. Why not cut the phrase before the comma and begin with "My interest in..."? Straight to the point.

[a fragrant plant]

Bad idea.

Can you elaborate? Thanks in advance!

[keylimekai]

yeah, sorry for the brevity...it just sounds wordy, pretentious, and is a mouthful. I had to read it three times before I understood what you were trying to get at. I agree with mudlark - just get straight to the point.

Edited November 22, 2009 by keylimekai

[melusine]

i'd be more worried about "intellectual inquiry"..

i have no clue what you really mean, and the meaning i gather from it doesn't do you any favors.

("inquiry" as in "an inquisitive mind"? plus "Intellectual"? so you think your inquisitive mind is intellectual? sounds pretty cocky when put that way)

[a fragrant plant]

I think it's too wordy, and the phrasing is unclear. Why not cut the phrase before the comma and begin with "My interest in..."? Straight to the point.

Thanks for your input. In the first paragraph I discussed how my interest evolved over time. Do you think I should replace it with:

"My interest in xxx is influenced by XXX and deeply rooted in my XXX"

[a fragrant plant]

yeah, sorry for the brevity...it just sounds wordy, pretentious, and is a mouthful. I had to read it three times before I understood what you were trying to get at. I agree with mudlark - just get straight to the point.

Thank you for your quick reply. My boyfriend actually said the same thing! How about "My interest in xxx is influenced by xxx and deeply rooted in xxx"?

Thank you in advance!

[keylimekai]

Yeah, that's better...personally, I'm a fan of the introductory anecdote, but some people really aren't...there's a thread about that around here somewhere.

[a fragrant plant]

Yeah, that's better...personally, I'm a fan of the introductory anecdote, but some people really aren't...there's a thread about that around here somewhere.

Thanks! Yes I have read that post. I wouldn't describe my first paragraph as the "introductory anecdote" because there is nothing anecdotic about it. I simply wanted to discuss how I came to focus on this particular problem. I'm not trying to be interesting or dramatic although my bad wording might make some of you think I'm!

Edited November 22, 2009 by peanuttheanthro

[mudlark]

I'm firmly in Camp Anti-Anecdote, and "My interest in xxx is influenced by xxx and deeply rooted in xxx" sounds fine to me. If you want to get across the sense that your ideas have evolved over time, you could try something like, "My current research plans are influenced by..." or "A number of factors lead me to my current specialization..."