writing the decline email

[thinkingandthinking]

I'm getting to the stage where I'm about to accept an offer, and I figured it'd probably be best to send out emails both accepting and declining all at once, just so I get it all done in one go. I'm sort of lingering (just by a few days.....I know that waitlisters are waiting), though, because I'm not sure how to go about sending the decline emails to programs I've visited. There were a few early on that I declined before making a visit, for various reasons, and those were easier, because there was little direct connection yet: "Thank you for your consideration and generous offer, however, after much thought, I have decided to decline, etc." However, I'm having a bit harder of a time with the others--I've seen threads on here that suggest sending an email to POIs you met with, as well as the program overall, which I guess makes sense, but there are some programs where I met with 5 or more people during my visit, sometimes closer to my interests, sometimes farther away..... Should I email all of them? Just the DGS? (Just worried that writing 10-12 will end up with them all seeming form-lettery?) There are a few that I definitely would like to keep the door open with for potential future correspondence (as in, just making sure not to be too brusque, or come off as rude): is there any way to best go about trying to do this? ("Dear Prof. X, I wanted to thank you again for taking the time to meet with me while visiting and to answer my questions about X University's program. After considering my offers, however, I have decided to attend Y University, which I believe is best suited to my research interests at this time. I hope, nevertheless, to meet or work with you again, if such an occasion or conference arises. Thank you again, and best wishes for the coming year, --Hal"?) Ultimately, that still seems a little formal to me (which, yes, this is a formal occasion--but there's one prof I've had pretty frequent and as-casual-as-this-can-get emails with, and this language ends up feeling too terse......and yet I can't think of another way to phrase it. Any suggestions?)

[TakeruK]

I think you are overthinking this! You don't have to email every person you met with (remember, they met with tons of people too). This is what I would recommend (for the schools you visited, since it seems like you got the other schools figured out):

1. Do the formal decline thing with the school (whether it's a form or whatever). This is your official decision.

2. Email the "main person" that have been communicating these decisions to you. This is probably the DGS. This is a formal letter, so what you wrote above is good (without the last 2 sentences about meeting/working together). The point of this letter is basically professional courtesy so that the department hears about your decision from you instead of the Graduate School.

3. Now, you can write personal letters to individual people that you felt a strong connection to. You don't need to include every single person you met. You should be professional, but you don't need to be super formal like the example you gave. Write it in the way that fits the level of familiarity you have with each prof. Some guidelines on who to include would be those who you had have email conversations with before/during/after the application+visits and those you met at the visit that you really clicked with and really want to keep in touch with. Basically, if you don't have anything personal to say and it would just be like a form letter, then don't do send one. 

The purpose of this letter is not to officially inform anyone of anything, the above steps take care of that. This is just wrapping up personal correspondence that you may have had during the whole application process. I highly recommend including where you will be attending instead in this letter because again, you want these people to remember you and be able to find your work in the future if they are interested. If this is not the case, then don't send this letter.

[thinkingandthinking]

Thanks! Yeah, I tend to overthink all things (perhaps hence the username.....), and also am not the most experienced in formal-type email exchanges. But this is very helpful.

[pro Augustis]

On 4/3/2016 at 1:22 AM, TakeruK said:

I think you are overthinking this! You don't have to email every person you met with (remember, they met with tons of people too). This is what I would recommend (for the schools you visited, since it seems like you got the other schools figured out):

1. Do the formal decline thing with the school (whether it's a form or whatever). This is your official decision.

2. Email the "main person" that have been communicating these decisions to you. This is probably the DGS. This is a formal letter, so what you wrote above is good (without the last 2 sentences about meeting/working together). The point of this letter is basically professional courtesy so that the department hears about your decision from you instead of the Graduate School.

3. Now, you can write personal letters to individual people that you felt a strong connection to. You don't need to include every single person you met. You should be professional, but you don't need to be super formal like the example you gave. Write it in the way that fits the level of familiarity you have with each prof. Some guidelines on who to include would be those who you had have email conversations with before/during/after the application+visits and those you met at the visit that you really clicked with and really want to keep in touch with. Basically, if you don't have anything personal to say and it would just be like a form letter, then don't do send one. 

The purpose of this letter is not to officially inform anyone of anything, the above steps take care of that. This is just wrapping up personal correspondence that you may have had during the whole application process. I highly recommend including where you will be attending instead in this letter because again, you want these people to remember you and be able to find your work in the future if they are interested. If this is not the case, then don't send this letter.

That makes a lot of sense. Do you think anything substantial changes if you haven't narrowed your options down to one? I am trying to decline one school but still have two options. Writing the email as "X and Y seem to fit my research interests better" for some reason makes me feel like I am telling this school that they came in last place, though I acknowledge that I am probably just overthinking things...

[TakeruK]

34 minutes ago, pro Augustis said:

That makes a lot of sense. Do you think anything substantial changes if you haven't narrowed your options down to one? I am trying to decline one school but still have two options. Writing the email as "X and Y seem to fit my research interests better" for some reason makes me feel like I am telling this school that they came in last place, though I acknowledge that I am probably just overthinking things...

I don't think you should list two schools like that. I don't even think one needs to say the phrase "X fits my research interests better" but it's a common choice that works in a lot cases. I personally chose to say something like "After thinking about the best overall fit for me, I decided to attend X" or something more vague than just research interest (and the people that met me during the visits knew that I was considering things like weather, job prospects for my spouse etc. too).

If you are not yet decided between the two schools, I'd do one of two things:

1. Only send the formal email and the DGS email for now, and don't mention what school you're attending instead. When you make your final decision, send the personal emails.

2. Send all the emails now without your final choice's name. The ones that are interested may ask and when they do, wait until you make your final decision and then respond. This is time specific advice since it's only 10 days away from the final decision deadline!

[pro Augustis]

On 4/4/2016 at 11:02 AM, TakeruK said:

I don't think you should list two schools like that. I don't even think one needs to say the phrase "X fits my research interests better" but it's a common choice that works in a lot cases. I personally chose to say something like "After thinking about the best overall fit for me, I decided to attend X" or something more vague than just research interest (and the people that met me during the visits knew that I was considering things like weather, job prospects for my spouse etc. too).

If you are not yet decided between the two schools, I'd do one of two things:

1. Only send the formal email and the DGS email for now, and don't mention what school you're attending instead. When you make your final decision, send the personal emails.

2. Send all the emails now without your final choice's name. The ones that are interested may ask and when they do, wait until you make your final decision and then respond. This is time specific advice since it's only 10 days away from the final decision deadline!

Thanks! I sent the decline email this morning, after obsessively rewriting it a time or ten.