Married Couples Applied to Grad Schools

[Randalf]

I'am from Turkey. Me and my wife, we are planning to apply graduate programs in USA next year. In the website https://sites.google.com/site/gradappadvice/the-two-body-problem , it is emphasized that couples should not disclose their marital status unless one of them are accepted. Isn't there any questions asking marital status in the applications? As far as I know there are also questions asking dependents in case of visa requirements?

Is there any other couple who applied graduate programs? If there is any, did you mention that you are married or did you conceal your marital status? Any help is appreciated

[TakeruK]

I'm a married graduate student, however, my spouse isn't a graduate student, so it's not like we were both trying to get accepted into the same program. I don't fully agree with everything on that webpage. In particular, the webpage strongly advises students to not disclose their martial status, and maybe that was the best option for the author of that webpage, but I don't think this is always true for everyone. Personally, I did not hide this at all and even wrote about my spouse in my SOP (I won't bore you with the details here, but it was relevant to my application). As I said though, we weren't both trying to get into the same school, so perhaps our situation was different than the author of this webpage.

In the applications, the questions that ask for martial status and financial information are usually either (1) optional or (2) not used in the admissions decision. In theory, the admissions committee does not see everything you put into the online application. Many of the questions asked are common to all departments because it's information that the graduate school wants to know, not because it's used in admission (it may be used to determine financial need for funding, but for international students at the graduate level, there is very little funding that is based on financial need). The graduate school will collect these applications and forward the relevant parts to each department. But of course, I don't know how good they are at only forwarding the relevant parts. Maybe some places will be sloppy and just forward everything and hope the department doesn't use the irrelevant information. 

As for the visa requirement questions, they usually come after the decision. But you are right that sometimes, especially at really big schools, they appear on the application and the school just stores them and uses them only when you are admitted and decide to come.

[fernandes]

Hey @Randalf, welcome to the forum.

I cannot recall exactly if all the universities asked me about my marital status during the application, but after I was admitted I had to fill this form where you needed to tell them your marital status and if you had any dependents. I'm not sure if this information is helpful though. Anyways, I'm sure there are people who will be able to help you more in this forum.

[Randalf]

Thank you TakeruK and fernandes. Your answers are quite helpful If any couples can give an answer aswell as fernandes said, I will appreciate. Thanks

[another_time]

I wore my ring to my interviews. 

After being admitted to one school, it was helpful to let my POI know that the school I decided on was actually the BEST fit for my husband and me. 

I ended up not being admitted to a school that was very excited to have me because I mentioned it created a bad two-body situation for me.  That was the only school I interviewed that didn't admit me and the only school I mentioned that my husband would play a decision in whether or not I attended.  Interestingly, the POI mentioned she had been in the same situation as me in the past!  I'm sure there were other factors I did not turn out to be a fit.  I was not in love with the school.

I was admitted to all the other schools I visited for interviews and never ended up mentioning my husband because it was not relevant. 

Edit:  AFTER being admitted it is CRUCIAL to let them know you are married, especially if you want to live in family housing.  Your PI will be able to advocate for you to the university and it is helpful in general that your friends in the department know how they can help you settle in.

Edited April 9, 2016 by another_time

[TakeruK]

In the only interview I had (most of my programs do not interview), they asked me what are the important things to me when selecting a school. I told them that it had to be a place where both my spouse and I could do well and that location and my spouse's decision is equally weighted with things like research. The faculty members interviewing me said that they liked my answer and agreed that it's important to think beyond research for a decision. I was offered admission in the end. So I don't think being honest about my status (and even how my decision would be made) affected me negatively. At other schools, during the visit weekends, the schools knew that my spouse had as much say in where we'd move to as me. One school even included my spouse in the events so they were trying to recruit my spouse as much as they were trying to recruit me. We appreciated that a lot!

[Randalf]

As far as I see there are some discrepancies between the reactions of universities. The feeling I got is that, if you have very strong background and one of the best students that applied program then, in order not to loose such a student they have a tendency to accept your spouse as well. But if there are other students with the same background who are single, then they might reject you. I really want to be honest and do not want to conceal anything, yet being accepted together is the goal here.

[TakeruK]

10 hours ago, Randalf said:

As far as I see there are some discrepancies between the reactions of universities. The feeling I got is that, if you have very strong background and one of the best students that applied program then, in order not to loose such a student they have a tendency to accept your spouse as well. But if there are other students with the same background who are single, then they might reject you. I really want to be honest and do not want to conceal anything, yet being accepted together is the goal here.

I don't think this is completely accurate. There are two different possible cases here.

First, let's assume both partners are about equally competitive to a certain school (each partner's competitiveness can differ from school to school). This means you will likely both be accepted or both be rejected. In the case where the cutoff that the school makes is in between you two, then it could be possible that one partner is accepted and one is rejected. I do not think a school would reject an applicant that they would have otherwise accepted just because they are married instead of single. After all, there are other ways you two could make it work out (e.g. the partner that didn't get accepted might get accepted to another school in the same city). I think it makes the most sense to accept whatever applicants they would normally accept and then through conversation with the applicants, figure out if the accepted partner will actually take the offer. If there is a very limited amount of offers they can make (i.e. they don't want to make an offer and have it declined), then they might talk to the accepted partner first to gauge whether or not there is a chance that not being accepted together will work.

Second, let's look at the case where one partner is more competitive than the other for a specific school (again, for each school/program, this can change). So, one partner will be accepted for sure (let's call that person A) and one did not originally get accepted (let's call that person B). If B is not at the same level as the typical applicant that they accept, then I do not think most schools will accept B to also get A. If B does not have the right fit or the ability to succeed in the program, accepting B in order to get A is not worth it. And, if B does not succeed (i.e. fail quals or candidacy), then the school might also lose A if both partners decide to go elsewhere.

If B is around the "cutoff" and is approximately as qualified as other candidates that they would accept, then because B is married to A, this may give B a slight preference (or maybe they were overlooked in an initial review, and then a re-review finds them qualified). But I really doubt it makes a big difference because there are so many factors that come into selecting grad students (e.g. balance of research interests across the whole cohort, which professors have funding, etc.). 

That is, I think it is very rare that disclosing your marital status will make a difference in either spouse's admittance**. A married person isn't going to get rejected because the school decided not to accept their spouse. And, a partner who was marked for rejection isn't likely to be admitted because the other partner is a great student. 

(**Note: Here, I'm not considering cases of discrimination where, for some reason or other, the admissions committee thinks that being married means you're not as serious about academia or other discriminatory things like that).

Overall, my advice is just to be honest and not try to play tricks or games. This does not mean you need to disclose your marital status in your application. Many people don't include this information (whether or not their partner is applying to the same school) because the point of the application is to focus on you---your achievements, your experience, your qualifications, not your partner. If you are directly asked in the application (for the non-admissions related reasons above), then be honest. You can choose whether or not to indicate to the admissions committee that your partner is also applying. I think as long as you two tell them as soon as one person receives news, then the timing doesn't matter.