I overlooked how different my life is about to become

[ecneicS]

In the midst of one hectic application process trying to decide the best place to attend, I feel as though I never properly addressed the fact that I am about to start another life. I am moving to another country, my girlfriend and I are breaking up (because of distance), and I'm leaving all my friends and family behind--all that scares me! I'm not very nervous about what lies in front of me, like whether I will succeed at grad school, or make new friends, or what it's like to live in a different country, etc. I know these things will all work out. Rather, I'm scared of letting go of what I currently have, especially relationships I fear will weaken with time.

Does anyone else feel they overlooked just how drastically their lives are about to change? Is anyone else letting go of things they don't want to so they can pursue their studies? How are you coming to grips with these issues?

 

 

[namarie]

I moved to another country at the start of undergrad, and then transferred to another university (and a different major) back in the States a year later. I hated leaving uni in London to move back to the States: I loved the culture, the diversity, and I was worried that I would drift apart from my friends. Some of the relationships I formed in London haven't lasted, but I still talk almost daily with a few other friends I made while overseas. 

It's hard realizing what you're giving up to pursue academia. I cried a couple times and asked myself "what am I doing?" over and over again. I went to my new school filled with despair, because I had left behind so many things I loved. But three years and 3 grad school acceptances later, I know it was all worth it. I found something I'm passionate about, and I'll be able to practice what I love for the rest of my life. Do I miss the things I gave up when I left London? Absolutely. I would move back in a heartbeat if I was given the opportunity. But I've come to realize that I wouldn't have been happy if I had stayed. I would have spent more time with my friends, but I would have been miserable in the program. 

It might be frightening right now, and that's certainly understandable. Grad school is a big change, and it's even bigger when you're moving to another country. Remember that you are getting the opportunity to study what you are passionate about, and not everybody gets the same chance. It might hurt now, but in the end it'll all be worth it. If there are foods you know you'll miss, pack some with you (my mom would send me chocolate sometimes). If you start thinking about a friend or loved one you left, let them know. Snapchat is one of the easiest/best ways I've kept in touch with one of my friends. You can see facial expressions and talk, without the commitment of Skype! Take time to do things you enjoy before you leave especially if you won't have them in the other country. Accept that you might not return with every relationship you left with, and that's okay. The relationships you are able to keep will hopefully be ones you'll have for many years. 

[ecneicS]

8 hours ago, namarie said:

I moved to another country at the start of undergrad, and then transferred to another university (and a different major) back in the States a year later. I hated leaving uni in London to move back to the States: I loved the culture, the diversity, and I was worried that I would drift apart from my friends. Some of the relationships I formed in London haven't lasted, but I still talk almost daily with a few other friends I made while overseas. 

It's hard realizing what you're giving up to pursue academia. I cried a couple times and asked myself "what am I doing?" over and over again. I went to my new school filled with despair, because I had left behind so many things I loved. But three years and 3 grad school acceptances later, I know it was all worth it. I found something I'm passionate about, and I'll be able to practice what I love for the rest of my life. Do I miss the things I gave up when I left London? Absolutely. I would move back in a heartbeat if I was given the opportunity. But I've come to realize that I wouldn't have been happy if I had stayed. I would have spent more time with my friends, but I would have been miserable in the program. 

It might be frightening right now, and that's certainly understandable. Grad school is a big change, and it's even bigger when you're moving to another country. Remember that you are getting the opportunity to study what you are passionate about, and not everybody gets the same chance. It might hurt now, but in the end it'll all be worth it. If there are foods you know you'll miss, pack some with you (my mom would send me chocolate sometimes). If you start thinking about a friend or loved one you left, let them know. Snapchat is one of the easiest/best ways I've kept in touch with one of my friends. You can see facial expressions and talk, without the commitment of Skype! Take time to do things you enjoy before you leave especially if you won't have them in the other country. Accept that you might not return with every relationship you left with, and that's okay. The relationships you are able to keep will hopefully be ones you'll have for many years. 

Thank you for your perspective, and good idea about snapchat.

[sjoh197]

Not only can you work to keep up old friendships... but also don't forget that there is nothing stopping you from forming new friendships too. Despite letting go of, or losing some people, you will be gaining new friends, partners, acquaintances, and more importantly experiences. 

If you are truly good friends with someone, your friendship will withstand the distance. Any friendships that don't last, weren't meant to be. 

[Fossey]

I am the exact same boat and feel so scared about starting a PhD program in a different country. I am about to go long-distance with my boyfriend after having lived together for years. I will leave friends and family behind. And the place where I am going live to speaks predominantly French rather than English. I am terrified!

But, what makes me feel better is that I am not the only one... It helps to know that it is normal to feel this way and that many before us have taken the same journey and succeeded in making friends and being happy!  Sometimes letting go is the best thing that you can do in your life! When you let go, you welcome new experiences and people that will become dear to you! And think, what if you didn't have the courage to letting go and leaving your home? Then you would always stay in the same place and never experience the rest of the wonderful world there is!

[ad00163]

I am about to start and am already realizing how different my life will be, and I am not even moving!

I work full-time and will continue to do so. However all that extra free time to hang out with my friends, cuddle with my cat, travel and take naps in the evening, well that is over. I am watching my calendar already get full of academic commitments that sometimes conflict with work commitments. I have to tell all of my friends I can only see them on Friday evenings and Saturdays (still with a disclaimer that school may interfere).

I used to cook every night. Now I just realized that I will be in class at night, so I am brainstorming food options on school nights.

Someone other than my boss is going to be telling me what to do and where to be. I have been able to do whatever I wanted to do for five years.

The adjustment will be tough. I hope for the both of us that it is worth it!

[AgentSmith]

I can relate. I'm about to move to a different continent and I will be coming back to visit at most twice a year for the foreseeable future. I will most likely break up with my girlfriend and the fact that I won't be seeing my friends and family freaks me out the more I think about it. It's funny that I never used to think about the distance being an issue up until now, about a month before I leave. For some reason I always thought I would have an easy time going away and leaving everything behind in order to pursue my goals, but I find that these days I become increasingly nostalgic of things I haven't even lost yet.

 

As others have said, I believe new experiences will be worth the sacrifice, and though I haven't yet managed to mitigate the anxiety over what I'm leaving behind, the fact that I've already scheduled to visit during Christmas gives me a slight dose of relief

[Visualizer]

I am totally not convinced I made the right decision to go to graduate school. I didn't have to move to a different country, but I had to leave my "comfort zone" at the time when there were an awful lot of loose ends in my life, some of which prevented me from succeeding in two other PhD programs. My parents basically pushed me to do this, and I question almost daily whether I am really better off here. On good days it's more of a thought that just passes through and I ignore, on bad days I wonder how I am ever going to have the life I really want.

It's possible that moving to a new place, and being back on a college campus, will enable me to accomplish the social things that are really most important in life at this point (I know I can always succeed at research, if I'm happy in the other areas of my life, which at this point I'm certainly NOT). I have to see it to believe it, though.