Another difficult situation

[mrcc55]

I'm also stuck in a difficult situation with graduate schools. My research advisor did not get his grant funding and as a result, I had to work unpaid in his lab for the entire summer. We were then told at the end of the summer that the department was in such debt that we could no longer order any more materials for research. On one Saturday, I discovered that this guy that I had met casually once (never dated and barely knew him) had apparently been stalking me because he found out the room number and building where I worked, broke in, and left a note on my desk. I was beyond terrified and I told my advisor before the fall semester started that I was scared to work in the lab until measures were taken to change the locks and to get a restraining order. He proceeded to yell at me and tell me that I was overreacting and that I needed to just get back into the lab and start performing more experiments. I asked for a week off to get proper documentation for the restraining order and to consider whether I should take a semester off, and within that time, he sent me emails harassing me about how I needed to come back and wash the glassware and how I was being irresponsible as a graduate student in neglecting my duties (Keeping in mind that I was working for free with limited supplies and resources for the past three months). It just got to the point where I decided to leave the program for good, because I didn't want to work for somebody that absolutely did not care about his students. I also knew that I couldn't conduct research properly since it was unlikely that we would get funding for the upcoming years if we already had such limited resources.

Now I am reapplying to graduate schools, and the majority of the programs want a recommendation letter from my advisor. From the tone of these requests, it seems like they are concerned that I got kicked out of the program and they don't really believe that I voluntarily left the program. However, I don't think my advisor will give me a good recommendation given the circumstances. Is it better to just not ask him for the letter and hope that some graduate school will accept me based on my explanation in my SOP? Or should I try to ask him and hope that he'll be considerate enough to give me a good recommendation?

[rising_star]

Now I am reapplying to graduate schools, and the majority of the programs want a recommendation letter from my advisor. From the tone of these requests, it seems like they are concerned that I got kicked out of the program and they don't really believe that I voluntarily left the program. However, I don't think my advisor will give me a good recommendation given the circumstances. Is it better to just not ask him for the letter and hope that some graduate school will accept me based on my explanation in my SOP? Or should I try to ask him and hope that he'll be considerate enough to give me a good recommendation?

Could you get another professor from your department, or the dept chair, or the DGS to address the issue in their recommendation letter or in a supplemental letter?

[mrcc55]

I tried, but it seems to be a difficult situation given departmental politics. I don't want other schools that I'm applying to or other professors in the department to know about the stalking situation because it sounds either overly dramatic or that I'm purposely looking for sympathy. I have approached professors in my graduate lecture courses and asked for a recommendation, by explaining my advisor's funding situation but they have been unwilling to give me one because they say they don't know me well enough to testify to my research abilities. And I think if I asked the department chair, he would just refer me back to my advisor. He was also completely unsympathetic to my case when the issue originally came up because he didn't even respond to an e-mail that I sent him concerning my safety on campus.

[SublimeDelusions]

I'm also stuck in a difficult situation with graduate schools. My research advisor did not get his grant funding and as a result, I had to work unpaid in his lab for the entire summer. We were then told at the end of the summer that the department was in such debt that we could no longer order any more materials for research. On one Saturday, I discovered that this guy that I had met casually once (never dated and barely knew him) had apparently been stalking me because he found out the room number and building where I worked, broke in, and left a note on my desk. I was beyond terrified and I told my advisor before the fall semester started that I was scared to work in the lab until measures were taken to change the locks and to get a restraining order. He proceeded to yell at me and tell me that I was overreacting and that I needed to just get back into the lab and start performing more experiments. I asked for a week off to get proper documentation for the restraining order and to consider whether I should take a semester off, and within that time, he sent me emails harassing me about how I needed to come back and wash the glassware and how I was being irresponsible as a graduate student in neglecting my duties (Keeping in mind that I was working for free with limited supplies and resources for the past three months). It just got to the point where I decided to leave the program for good, because I didn't want to work for somebody that absolutely did not care about his students. I also knew that I couldn't conduct research properly since it was unlikely that we would get funding for the upcoming years if we already had such limited resources.

Now I am reapplying to graduate schools, and the majority of the programs want a recommendation letter from my advisor. From the tone of these requests, it seems like they are concerned that I got kicked out of the program and they don't really believe that I voluntarily left the program. However, I don't think my advisor will give me a good recommendation given the circumstances. Is it better to just not ask him for the letter and hope that some graduate school will accept me based on my explanation in my SOP? Or should I try to ask him and hope that he'll be considerate enough to give me a good recommendation?

You have to go higher than the department. I didn't ask for a letter from my department chair because, even though she offered, I thought she would give me a poor letter based on some rumblings I've heard. At this point, I would suggest going to the provost or dean of students. If you go to them and raise the concerns of the guy stalking you and then show them proof via emails that the professor did not give you time to handle your personal affairs, there's a good chance that they may write you a letter describing the situation. As for letters, you should probably have, at minimum, three good letters for your application with one preferably coming from your current school. During second round of graduate school applications, I found out that this was the main reason I was rejected. Schools want to know that the program you are currently in believes that you are capable in some respect. While you had been there for a period of time, I find it hard to believe that no other professors would be willing to write you a letter as they can openly state that they do not know about your research capabilities yet still recommend you.

You're going to have to inform the schools you're applying to of the whole situation (stalking an all). Otherwise it may, at worst, look like you got bored/lazy and didn't like it when your boss said to come do your job. In you SOP, I'd say to explain briefly that your decision to leave the department is based on the department losing all funding (which it seems it did), along with an unsafe work environment based on the issue with someone breaking into your lab and the professor not letting you handle the situation properly. Basically, you want them to see that there's a reason that you are leaving. In addition, if you express that part of the reason you are leaving is your advisor's disregard for your situation, the school may understand a bit better as to why he's not writing you a letter. When you mentioned not wanting to draw sympathy, you were right. The key to addressing all of these is to make it know that you understand what happened, you've come to terms with it, you made a rational decision as to why to leave and you've begun to move on. The only reason that should throw up red flags would be if the whole statement was regarding that issue. It does need to be much better stated than "I'm leaving this university due to a disagreement with my advisor".

I can sympathize though, I went through the same with every school telling me flat out "we need a letter from someone in charge stating why you left". The fact is that Grad schools now, most of the time, invest a lot of time and money into a student. They're obviously concerned about bringing someone in who may or may not leave the program after being admitted.

As for them wanting a letter from your advisor, it may be best to contact the departments and the admissions offices where you are applying and discuss this with someone in charge. If you explain to them that you and your advisor parted on poor terms, then they may be more understanding of the reasons as to why he isn't providing a letter. Honestly, they are going to want a letter from someone at your current institution describing the situation. So you need to discuss with them reasons why you can not ask your advisor for a letter (even stating that he has refused any requests from you for a letter could be used as a reason) and see if they would accept a letter from anyone else. It would definitely be a matter to discuss with someone higher in administration other than your department as, from what you've stated, the departmental politics will side with the professor.

I hate it when people get put in these situations, and I hope that you're able to get this resolved.