Would be eternally grateful if someone looked over this

[colleenstock]

This is a (very rough!!!) first draft of my personal statement for masters programs in counseling. Just a quick look would be more than amazing. I know it's not perfect, it's a first draft and I've never done this before. 

 

Throughout my life my main goal has always been a desire to obtain a sense of fulfillment. In my first few years of my undergraduate, I bounced around from major to major, craving that sense of belonging and gratification. However, I was only met by increasing frustration because none of the majors I considered made me feel at all useful or inspired. I declared a psychology major in my second year of my undergraduate career, fueled by an interest in the few classes I had already taken. I have always had a peculiar interest in different psychological disorders. I remember when I was younger, and very into creative writing, I would spend hours online researching each disorder so I could weave them into my characters’ storylines. In a sense, it is like I always knew what I wanted to do but just could not see it.

After declaring my psychology major I became extremely driven, and I have never looked back. I had always received superior grades, maintained high honors, and was projected to graduate at the top of my class. This, however, was not what drove me to excel within my education. My desire to move into a counseling field was prompted by my choice to volunteer at COPE Services in Grafton, Wisconsin.  At first, volunteering at COPE was simply an opportunity to grow my resume. But I soon realized, that not only was this a resume builder, but it was the most vital part of every week. In my hours spent talking to people on the phone, I have encountered everything from a man who likes to sing Elvis songs to me, a schizophrenic who believes he is possessed by Lucifer, and a woman who, instead of saying hello when I answer, greets me with, “Why won’t they let me die, lady?” I have grown to know these people, they trust me, and I have used every valuable ounce of education to help them. Though crisis situations can be incredibly disheartening, I never leave the office feeling useless. In this, I have found my sense of fulfillment.

I have achieved many honors during my time at the University of Wisconsin – Milwaukee. I have maintained a position on the Dean’s High Honor list throughout my academic career, and have also earned my place in the Honors College. Since I will be graduating with an honors degree, I will be graduating with the highest undergraduate degree one can earn at my university. Additionally, I have challenged myself with difficult courses, and honors courses outside of my major. I have achieved high marks in each of these classes. My sociology minor has also contributed heavily to my field of knowledge. To be able to look at the individual, as with psychology, and relate it back to larger sociological processes has really helped me understand the way people function. The English department has also recognized me for excellent work in an English class I had taken my sophomore year. I am projected to graduate Summa Cum Laude, and hope to maintain my GPA of 3.902 over the rest of my undergraduate career.

Research has also been a huge part of my undergraduate career, and I have gained invaluable knowledge from my experiences The first research project I helped with was one run by Dr. Han Joo Lee in the University of Wisconsin – Milwaukee Anxiety Disorders Lab. The study I worked on involved participants with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Trichotillomania. We researched how cognitive processes could deter or enforce obsessive or compulsive behaviors in these disorders. I helped collect data for the project, and ran participants through different study phases. I also interviewed participants via the phone to learn about their symptoms and how their disorder has effected them. I was trained to do the MINI diagnostic test, as well as the WASI IQ test. My work heavily involved contact with the participants which helped me learn how these disorders function. I also work as a research assistant at the UW Center for Tobacco Research and Intervention. The center is running a long-term study on what methods are most effective in getting individuals to stop smoking. My work involves calling participants to get more information about how they are doing in terms of their mental and physical health, and how their smoking behavior is being deterred or reinforced. Being a research assistant in this labs is vital, as we collect a lot of the data and are counted on to evaluate participants.

My ultimate goal is to use the skills I have already learned, and will learn throughout my graduate career, to help minority or disadvantaged groups cope with trauma, specifically women, racial minorities, and LGBT individuals. I am hoping to work with cases of rape, domestic violence, abuse, and trauma. I am also interested in more severe mental disorders, as I have been exposed to quite severe schizophrenia and obsessive compulsive disorders throughout my experiences in research and volunteering.  Though I know this work can be taxing, I do not feel truly connected to anything like the way I feel connected to this. I have a passion for social justice, and could not bear to forego it. I have attempted to take coursework that reflects this. I would consider it my privilege to be able to pursue my graduate studies at _______, and develop my skills further in this enriching environment, whose ideals align closely with mine.

I have received a quantitative reasoning score on my GRE that is lower than what I would have liked, however, I believe that my experience and academic history demonstrate how ready I am for graduate work, rather than a single, comprehensive exam.  

[cmhc2017]

Hey! I am applying to MHC programs as well, and I just read your statement. I've been working hard on mine as well, and I think yours looks good. I have a couple suggestions for you 1) I would maybe say something about how incredible it would to be able to use your passion for social justice, as opposed to "could not bear to forego it." 2) I would suggest not even mentioning your quant score, but if you do, I'd subtly integrate it somewhere else, not at the very end. It seems like the rest of your qualifications really speak for itself; it's very strong with research and practical application! 3) I would add a little more tailoring to the programs you're applying to- how the specific program matches up with your goals, etc. to show that that program would be a great fit for you 4) person-first language: I would replace "a schizophrenic" with "a schizophrenic man" or better yet, "a man with schizophrenia" 5) I'd suggest emphasizing that you were excited to work at COPE or were not sure what to expect, but went into it wanting to grow your resume- you are quite brutally honest with the fact that you only considered it a resume builder  A program could consider that honesty respectable, but also may think it undermines your passion.

[Admissions Advice Online]

The closing paragraphs of your SOP are strong, however the opening is very weak. Generally you do not want to write about anything that may be perceived as negative in a SOP. You open your SOP by stating that you jumped around from major to major and it just paints you as unfocused even though this was in the past. Your SOP should only come from a point of strength. You also barely talk about any of the actual benefits and the reasons why you are applying to the school that you are applying to. This is ALWAYS needed in a SOP. We can help. - selctiveadmissions.com