Rejection hurts

[Ashleyep95]

On 2/17/2017 at 4:16 AM, AP said:

I've had a good share of rejections so here are my two cents: 

1. Rejections, like coursework, are part of grad school and your academic career. You are going to be rejected so many times in the future that I can't even find a nice sugarcoat for it. You will submit articles that will get bluntly sent back. You will apply for grants that take months to prepare and one day you'll get the horrible letter. Every one of those rejections is going to hurt so, if you want to succeed, you will need to eventually develop some type of coping mechanism. I give myself chocolate. 
2. Rejections hurt right now because they are too personal. Academia is too personal. You will see that you will be trained to behave like a professional but at the end of the day, you are leaving things aside to pursue this. Everybody knows this. I don't have kids, but friends of mine do and I can see how much at stake they have in their hands. So, of course it hurts! It's natural, it bothers us, but wondering about it, unfortunately, does not make us any good. 
3. Take rejections as an opportunity. I was rejected from a program that I thought was the program. Great fit, great funding, and extended conversations over Skype with POI. I mean, I just knew it was my place in the world. I was rejected with that cold letter that gives no explanation. That pushed me to the program I am now and I couldn't be happier. I seriously doubt I would have come to this program if I hadn't been rejected in the other one. Also, a rejection is a chance to re-evaluate how you deal with life itself. In my case, I used to cry for a day or two. Then I figured that was a total waste of time so instead I would give myself a nice meal -any of my choosing- and tell my advisors once I had dealt with it. I am surprised of myself!
4. Rejections are not shameful. I don't know about you right now, but I am always ashamed of telling my advisor that I didn't get a grant, again. I feel like the ugly duckling who never gets anything. She never made me feel that way and is always encouraging me to move on, but still, I am the only one of her students who didn't get even a tiny grant. This is the hardest part for me, but as I said, I learned to deal with it. 
5. Being hurt is an emotional response. We cannot control what makes us angry or happy or sad. But we can control how to react and what to do with it. Yes, take your time to be blue, but don't make it your sole response. 

 

 

Thank you. I got rejected from the masters program for the school I am finishing up my bachelors at yesterday (different departments though,so they don't know me) and it still really hurts. But I am waiting on another decision and thinking of applying to the school my sister went to (UNLV) because applications are still open, although I hate the desert. Some people I was talking to are trying ro comfort by getting me to move on, but I know I need a few days to feel this too. I'm trying to remember that there is always a path we are meant to go on and that I may not be meant to go back to the same University for my masters.

It just feels really bad too because I was told I had a very high chance of getting in and I really thought I was going to get in. I got my hopes up and other people helped me do that. I am glad they believed in me, it's just dissapointing.

[hantoo]

I really like this thread and I think everyone on here has contributed useful advice/perspective. To be honest, even though the graduate application process was brutal, it was a really good learning experience for me. I did end up getting into some good programs, but I have a solid stack of rejection letters too that made me feel fairly crappy about myself for a while. Rejection does kind of suck, but as many people on here have said, it's a huge part of academia and something we all need to learn to accept and move on from. I think the moment I really took a step back and realized I was taking my rejections the wrong way was when I was rejected from one of the PhD programs I applied to, but offered admission to the school's Masters program. My first reaction was to be disappointed and almost angry. Then I stopped myself and was kind of like "Wow WTF is wrong with me?! I'm so jaded by this whole process that I just got upset about being accepted to a really good program!" Even though it wasn't what I initially hoped for, it was awesome to get another offer and have some options.

Now I think of my rejections kind of as a good thing, because it probably means 1) those schools would not have been a great fit for me or my research, and I would not have been happy there, 2) It almost makes my decision of which school to attend easier and less stressful because I have less options and 3) This process has taught me how to accept rejection and move on rather than take everything really personally.

When we apply to graduate programs, we compete with the best of the best in our field for a VERY SMALL number of spots. For every rejection we get, there are hundreds of other very qualified applicants in the same position, so we should certainly never feel too disappointed or singled out if things don't go our way. Rejection is a part of life and there are always more opportunities available to us if we're willing to work hard for them!

[dumbunny]

Learn to accept rejection as a sign that somebody is willing to deliver bad news to you as if you were an adult. The more criticism and rejection you can handle, the bigger of an adult you are. Nobody "deserves" acceptance or positivity.

At the same time, so much of the application process is a total crapshoot that depends on the following variables, among others:

1 - who at the university is looking at your application
2 - how much room is available in the department
3 - where that room is available (eg if you're in political science and a bunch of students are graduating who were focusing on comparative politics, that year it's going to help to be a comparativist)
4 - who else is applying to the same program as you
5 - where else those students applied, and where else they got accepted
6 - job/career status of faculty in the department (eg you might be applying thinking you're a great fit to work with such-and-such professor...but they're about to retire in six months)

A lot of times, you're going to get rejected not because you're not "good enough" for the department, but because you just don't fit the department's needs for whatever reason. It's like, imagine if you're a baseball player and your position is 1st base. You're not going to get many offers from teams that already have a good 1st baseman but have to fill holes in their starting pitching rotation.

Don't tie your self worth to the grad school admissions process. Just focus on your ability to build a strong two-way relationship where you are able to meet the department's needs, and vice-versa.

Edited March 30, 2017 by dumbunny

[siitrasn]

Just wanted to update this topic by adding that something somewhat happened to me, and how that experience illustrated to me the fact that graduate admissions is filled with things outside the control of an applicant like administrative issues, time issues, communication issues, and faculty politics.

I applied to 4 masters programs, and received 2a/1w with no rejects until my last school contacted me late March about a rejection. I was disappointed since the program is a great fit, and I ended up accepting an offer over the first weekend of April for another school. Just one day after I had submitted my acceptance of another school's offer, the program that I had been rejected from sent me an acceptance later. Much to my surprise, it turns out that I was indeed accepted (after contacting their offices for clarification) and that, simply due to the volume of applications they receive, rare administrative issues lead to mistakes with the application process.

The reason I wanted to share this story is because I think it illustrates just how frustrating the experience of applying to graduate school can be. You can be more than qualified, yet receive a reject for some reason completely unknown to you; you could be a strong candidate but silly things such as the foul mood of your application reviewer, poor communication at a school's admin office, or a simple mechanical error could lead to your rejection. In my case, I found out that I had actually been accepted, but I can imagine there are students who were accepted yet never found out they had actually been accepted due to an error that no one at the office ever bothered to fix. (Arguably a rare occurrence, but you never know.)

You never know if your rejections end up taking you to places you never imagined. In my case, I might not have decided to go to the school I've decided to accept. Figuring out our options as we go is all we can do, and why everyone has their own interesting stories and experiences to share. Good luck!

Edited April 4, 2017 by siitrasn