Grade issue essay

[piyushdivyankar]

## Topic: As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.

=======================================

I strongly disagree with this proposition. 
Over the course of human history the only thing that has been a constant is change.
We started with sticks and stones, and now we are taking early steps towards space exploration.
This journey was a long one, and technology is the tool that has helped us acomplish this. 
Technology doesn't hinder our ability to think, rather it empowers us to think in ever more complex ways. 

Our ability to think as we do stems from the technology that we posses. 
50000 years ago we were scrambling for food. 
Our physical capablity was lacking in comparison other animals.
We bridged this gap by inventing hunting tools. 
This improved our ability to hunt. 
These tools also opened a new realm of possiblities for hunting. 
We could hunt more and also hunt animals larger than ourselves.
The knowledge of hunting tools made us better hunters, and not the contrary. 
It expanded our space of possiblities, and gave us the ability to do more than we were periviously capable of. 

Another recent technological breakthrough was the steam engine. 
Invention of steam engine opened up the possiblity of mechanization, it also caused the industrial revolution. 
Industrial revolution created the idea of mass production, which enabled us produce things for the entire population and not just ourselves.
There is hardly any doubt that industrialization made our lives more comfortable and provided us with a lot of nice things. 
It did make us lazy, but also expanded our ability to think.

Humans beings are natural problem solvers.
We are genetically programmed to solve problems that we see around us. 
We can't solve a problem we don't know about. 
Technology help us see new problems. 
The newer problems are frequently harder than before. 
But our tools to solve these problems evolves as well. 
It would be impossible for the human of 10000 years ago to figure out the structure of atom, or make an airplane. 
It doesn't mean that they can't solve this problem, it means that they didn't have the technology to tackle these problems.

The most recent technology computers are similarly a tool that we use. 
So many problems that were previously unresolved have been resolved using this tool, and many new problems have also been created that will be solved in the future.
We now have internet which makes all existing knowledge available to everyone in the world. 
This has empoweed us to make new discoveries and inventions, pushing the limits of what we know at a ever increasing pace. 

In conclusion technology is the solution to problems that we have already solved.
Technology improves our ability to think by providing us newer and more complex problems to solve and help us solve them. 
Technology has made it possible that we can go through life without ever thinking, but that is a personal choice you make, and technology isn't at fault here.

[exitiumax]

I don't have the time to go through and grade the entire essay, but will I say is that it's very choppy. There are a lot of short sentences, even sentence fragments that could be combined to make the essay more succinct. For example "Our physical capability was lacking in comparison to other species, but through technology we bridged this gap. This enabled humans to hunt more safely and efficiently. Our reliance on this technology did not make thinking deteriorate, but rather enhanced it." 

Something along the lines of that is more fluid in an essay compared to your second paragraph. I also think your first sentence is a blunt way to start and could be approached differently. I think the content and argument is viable, but the writing could use some refinement.