Ever Get the Feeling that Admissions Staff is frightened of you?

[w2010]

So...to lighten the mood:

I had called last Friday to check on the status of some of my apps. Overall, a pretty disappointing venture. I was really surprised that the majority of the faculty or staff I talked to sounded frightened to talk to me. These are my theories:

1. The English Departments at various schools are holding their admissions committees hostage. My inquiries were blown off because those in the department were in the midst of tender negotiations over securing food and/or water and bathroom breaks. They have not been allowed to see their families since the last week in January.

2. Everyone I talk to is frightened to tell any inquiring applicant that they are rejected--this is because someone either threatened over the phone to consume a gallon of ice cream in retaliation OR they somehow fear that one of us is extremely talented at casting voodoo curses. Needless to say, neither is true and we are calling just so we can go to sleep at night reassuring ourselves that no relationship will ever be as abusively cruel as that between us and English grad school applications.

3. Because our parents' generation has told us all our lives that we were truly special and "everyone is a winner," the admissions committees fear that breaking the collective bubble of our youthful naiveté will result in a galactic catastrophe the likes of which has never been seen. Either of two will happen: 1. the universe will collapse and life as we know it will end OR 2. we will all be markedly jaded and each one of us will be the mean parent at pee wee football that insists winning IS everything (resulting in future NBC specials about our generation's unhealthy expectations for our children to be everything that we weren't...including succeeding in things we never even wanted to be good at in the first place--international Boogle champion anyone?).

Thought everyone could use a little upper. Please add your theories because I do admit that mine may not collectively explain everything about the application process...

[American in Beijing]

So...to lighten the mood:

I had called last Friday to check on the status of some of my apps. Overall, a pretty disappointing venture. I was really surprised that the majority of the faculty or staff I talked to sounded frightened to talk to me. These are my theories:

1. The English Departments at various schools are holding their admissions committees hostage. My inquiries were blown off because those in the department were in the midst of tender negotiations over securing food and/or water and bathroom breaks. They have not been allowed to see their families since the last week in January.

2. Everyone I talk to is frightened to tell any inquiring applicant that they are rejected--this is because someone either threatened over the phone to consume a gallon of ice cream in retaliation OR they somehow fear that one of us is extremely talented at casting voodoo curses. Needless to say, neither is true and we are calling just so we can go to sleep at night reassuring ourselves that no relationship will ever be as abusively cruel as that between us and English grad school applications.

3. Because our parents' generation has told us all our lives that we were truly special and "everyone is a winner," the admissions committees fear that breaking the collective bubble of our youthful naiveté will result in a galactic catastrophe the likes of which has never been seen. Either of two will happen: 1. the universe will collapse and life as we know it will end OR 2. we will all be markedly jaded and each one of us will be the mean parent at pee wee football that insists winning IS everything (resulting in future NBC specials about our generation's unhealthy expectations for our children to be everything that we weren't...including succeeding in things we never even wanted to be good at in the first place--international Boogle champion anyone?).

Thought everyone could use a little upper. Please add your theories because I do admit that mine may not collectively explain everything about the application process...

Maybe people have become violent and threatened them in the past. You never know! I mean, everyone here has sacrificed a lot to apply to grad schools and in many cases have planned a good portion of their lives around actually going to grad school. People are sometimes desperate to get in, and under such circumstances, it's hardly surprising that some would react violently.

Or maybe people just don't like to tell people that they've been rejected. I mean, you'd have to be really sadistic to enjoy crushing someone's dream, right?

[w2010]

Maybe people have become violent and threatened them in the past. You never know! I mean, everyone here has sacrificed a lot to apply to grad schools and in many cases have planned a good portion of their lives around actually going to grad school. People are sometimes desperate to get in, and under such circumstances, it's hardly surprising that some would react violently.

Or maybe people just don't like to tell people that they've been rejected. I mean, you'd have to be really sadistic to enjoy crushing someone's dream, right?

I think that is horrible. I felt really bad talking to some of the people at the different programs because they sounded so harried. This time of the year I am sure must consistently rank as their least favorite. I know I couldn't do this every year (even if I was on the other end of the process).

[TC3]

True, while we can complain about seemingly intentional ambiguity on departments' ends, they probably don't enjoy flat out telling some stranger over the phone that they've been rejected. I wouldn't go so far as to suggest a real fear of violence or threats, but I'm sure quite a few people might start crying over the phone, pleading with the department, belligerently asking what was wrong with them, etc. etc.

I think this all could be solved by taking a lesson from the Beloit Poetry Journal, which responds to submitted manuscripts within 1 or 2 weeks if they go into the slushpile and keeps manuscripts until quarterly review sessions if they make it past the slushpile. Most graduate English programs receive *hundreds* of applications every season. I doubt that they seriously consider all of them with equal weight, especially after the first round of reviewing applications. There has to be a slushpile. I'd go so far as to guess that the majority of deliberation time is for whittling the small group of survivors into an even smaller group of acceptances.

If everyone who went into the slushpile were to receive a polite email soon afterwards, we'd all be free of this shameful period of anxiety and hope. It's not so much crushing that a program rejected us as it is shameful in hindsight that we spent so many weeks nervously hoping for a program that probably had decided to reject us by the second week of January.

On the other hand, admissions are largely a service-based activity in that no one gets paid more for being in them, and department administrators certainly don't get "application season" bonuses, so perhaps it's just a matter of streamlining the workloads as much as possible during a busy time of year. Still, though, a humanities department (aside from all this post-humanism talk) could stand to adopt a more humanistic approach to its rejection process.

[Branwen daughter of Llyr]

Considering how badly I feel if i turn someone down for a DATE (let alone breaking up with someone after a while of dating / relationship), I can totally emphasize with the people having to tell approximately 300-700 individuals that they didn't make it into the graduate program.

If there is one thing I'm NOT looking forward to in my academic career, it's exactly that - being the person in charge of notifying ppl they didn't get in. *sigh*. I'm way too soft-hearted.

But I do agree that an email to the slush pile would be a nice thing - I'd like to get my rejections earlier please!!

[downtownchick]

Nice topic! And I totally agree! I have a Comp Lit department who always answered my email like, I swear, in less than 15 minutes the max the entire time since I started inquiring about the program/meeting them in person last summer. And then after I had seen an acceptance posted here, I just emailed and asked because I needed to decide on an offer from another school. It was really just a very laid-back/pressure-free "I'd like to know the status of my application" type of question but I never got any answer. I'm like, chill out, it's all cool; I'm not gonna burn down your department; I just want to know...!

[PaperChaser]

So...to lighten the mood:

I had called last Friday to check on the status of some of my apps. Overall, a pretty disappointing venture. I was really surprised that the majority of the faculty or staff I talked to sounded frightened to talk to me. These are my theories:

1. The English Departments at various schools are holding their admissions committees hostage. My inquiries were blown off because those in the department were in the midst of tender negotiations over securing food and/or water and bathroom breaks. They have not been allowed to see their families since the last week in January.

2. Everyone I talk to is frightened to tell any inquiring applicant that they are rejected--this is because someone either threatened over the phone to consume a gallon of ice cream in retaliation OR they somehow fear that one of us is extremely talented at casting voodoo curses. Needless to say, neither is true and we are calling just so we can go to sleep at night reassuring ourselves that no relationship will ever be as abusively cruel as that between us and English grad school applications.

3. Because our parents' generation has told us all our lives that we were truly special and "everyone is a winner," the admissions committees fear that breaking the collective bubble of our youthful naiveté will result in a galactic catastrophe the likes of which has never been seen. Either of two will happen: 1. the universe will collapse and life as we know it will end OR 2. we will all be markedly jaded and each one of us will be the mean parent at pee wee football that insists winning IS everything (resulting in future NBC specials about our generation's unhealthy expectations for our children to be everything that we weren't...including succeeding in things we never even wanted to be good at in the first place--international Boogle champion anyone?).

Thought everyone could use a little upper. Please add your theories because I do admit that mine may not collectively explain everything about the application process...

I'd like to add that pharmaceutical sales have been a bit slow, so inducing depression and/or anxiety gives SOMEONE business....if you notice that all the pens and notepads in the offices are from Big Pharma, well.....