DontHate

Ok rems, based entirely on this meager and vague information, I'm going to bet that you won't get into any programs. Your turn. You do me. There are definitely a few other people from this forum that I would be very surprised to see get into any programs. In fact, I would bet good paper money on it. Who wants to go in $500 via paypal? That's enough for maybe 4 applications next year.

Here's another gender-based question for you all: Why does it seem like the girls on this forum are incapable of debating a topic without immediately taking a disagreement personally and getting their feelings hurt, while the guys can give and take ide-o-logical jabs without getting so upset about it? I ask this as a girl. A very frustrated girl, feeling somewhat embarrassed by other members of her gender. Asleepawake, I don't mean you. I feel like you've been good about these things. Edit: this may be somewhat related to the fact that women also tend to be worse at negotiating their contracts during hiring. Women, we need to learn to be more aggressive and thick-skinned. Seriously! And girl with glasses, if you don't want to be a part of this thread anymore, stop contributing. Your passive-aggressive little one-liners are pointless and unnecessary. If you DO want to contribute, say something meaningful. Downvoting all my posts does NOT count as a meaningful contribution.

It's really sad that some people can't tolerate any kind of discussion that's not fawning agreement. I hope you know that academia isn't just a bunch of back-patting and group hugs. People will contest your opinions. You will have to defend them. Whining and telling everyone to leave you out of the conversation will not go down well during your orals or your dissertation defense.

Perhaps... I don't exactly go on grad cafe to relax. I mean, it's not a relaxing place.

God, I'm so sorry that happend to you! At least there are other schools with later deadlines, so it's not a total loss for this year.

I'm sorry if you felt ignored, but you basically said that you didn't know what to tell me, the situation was too difficult. I wasn't trying to pick any fights. I just responded to what girl who wears glasses said, and she didn't like my response so she got passive-aggressive. I don't think that's a valid way of dealing with any kind of discussion.

Hate to point out the obvious, but you DID post to this thread. Go on, don't be chicken. Follow through.

Oh my god this is so great

I think this could be fun! Just put down your basic stats and where you applied, and we can all bet where each one of us will get in! It's a very crude way of getting out some of the anxiety about applications (at least I think it is). I shall start: GPA 3.6; GREs 169V, 157M, 5AW; Undergrad @ Ivy number 4 (roughly). Applied to: 4 Ivies, 2 top-ranked state schools, 2 non-Ivy top 10's My own bet on myself: I'll get into 2 programs: The one where I'm doing my Master's, and one other. I don't know which. Maybe one of the state schools.

Thank you, I'll take 'em where I can get 'em. I probably should have volunteered to go first: GPA 3.6; GREs 169V, 157M, 5AW; Undergrad @ Ivy number 4 (roughly). Applied to: 4 Ivies, 2 top-ranked state schools, 2 non-Ivy top 10's My own bet on myself: I'll get into 2 programs: The one where I'm doing my Master's, and one other. I don't know which. Maybe one of the state schools.

It would only be with virtual "money." I have some strong intuitions on the outcomes for some of the regular posters on here. Of course, you can also bet on yourself. It should go like this: put down your GPA, GRE, Undergrad institution, and where you're applying, and we all get to make bets which places you'll get into, which places you won't. It's not as if everyone isn't constantly obsessing over this anyway. I figure this might be a good way to let off some steam.

This is called being passive-aggressive. It's not cool. If you have a problem with what I said, then either state the problem directly, or don't say anything at all. None of this. I honestly can't believe I would have to explain that to an adult, even on the internet.

Sure, definitely make certain that all your materials are in. But after that, let it go. My schools all accepted PDF scans of my transcripts, so I have the comfort of knowing that they're all in without needing to coordinate anything with anyone.

I am trying to have a real conversation. But a real conversation is not me saying something, and then you saying "that's sexist." That is not a conversation at all. That's like talking to a parrot. girl who wears glasses: I read your post quoted above as saying the following: 1. You didn't like the terms of the discussion;"the portrait of women preferring older men and vice versa is overly simplified, heterosexist, and sort of seems like painting a biological explanation over Mad Men flavored sexism." But I gave no biological explanation, and in fact I think it's probably more of a cultural explanation. I never called the situation sexually egalitarian, I was simply drawing from my observation of real life situations and trends. Given that the reality is what it is, how should we go about "discussing it differently"? And how does changing the language in any way change the situation I'm referring to? 2. You felt "not wholly comfortable" with professor/student relationships. Where is my misreading, exactly? And how am I doling out "shit" by interpreting your comments as you wrote them? How am I putting words in your mouth? If you want to have a real conversation, then you'll have to engage with my critique of what you're saying, not just withdraw because I think your use of the term "heterosexist" is inappropriate here, and slightly comical. I just don't think that I'm being in any way discriminatory against homosexual people. Please explain to me how I'm doing that. Everyone else: if you don't want to "engage in the debate" then DON'T. Nobody is asking for your invaluable participation. But find something else to do besides declaring the thread dead after it grew 3 pages in one night. You don't seem to understand how forums work. Enough jumping onboard each other's bandwagon of derogatory comments, it's unproductive and mindless. You're making yourselves look like unjustified bullies. I'm not trying to hurt you by expressing my opinions, I'm merely expressing my opinions.

It's ridiculous to call something "heterosexist" when it's specifically discussing a relationship between a heterosexual man and woman. The whole point of these kinds of terms is to point out insensitivity and discrimination. They don't really work if you aren't being sensitive enough to notice the context in which you use them.

Just trying to keep things interesting, something that doesn't seem to be a concern anywhere else on the Lit & Comp forum. girl who wears glasses: That is basically what you said, read back over your post. If you didn't mean to say that, then you don't express yourself very clearly.

That's true, there's a fine line between being clear, and being called a bitch. But sometimes you just have to be okay with being called a bitch -- guys just don't like to get rejected. No matter how you do it you're gonna be branded a bitch. The time when this is NOT okay? When that guy is your professor.

LOL that is so true. Everyone tells me to stay off gradcafe

Just to be clear: I'm not saying either side has "all the power" or that anyone is "systematically abusing" anyone else. I'm merely describing a certain type of awkwardness and asking what other people think about it/how they deal with it. I think both genders have a certain degree of power, especially since the stereotypes are set up in a way that makes it very easy to defy expectations (and grab a little extra power in the process). As a woman, I know for a fact that women are not actually coy, that many of us have raging sexual appetites just like men do (but not all men), that often their surface passivity is concealing a lot of underground manipulations. That doesn't mean we don't get into awkward situations that we are sometimes powerless to avoid. Men get into these situations too, but I think in academia the power is mainly concentrated in male hands, making the chances for professorial awkwardness less common for male students. Why can't we stop trying to discuss ALL male-female relationships, and instead look at the SPECIFIC instances I'm referring to (or any other specific instances anyone may have to contribute)? I don't think we're ever going to be able to define all the problems with our society's view of men and women, but we can all agree that there are many. Econosocio, while you might complain about women having the "accept/reject" button in our hands, keep in mind that we're looked at askance whenever we initiate, and there's a stigma that if you DO initiate and take the role of aggressor in a relationship, you're some sort of reject too unattractive to get the guy to ask you out first. As a proper girl, you're still half-expected to wait around until some prince swoops in with a ring. So yeah, it's not all flowers and sunshine over here either.

No offense, but this kind of sounds like a justification for feeling better than everyone who doesn't go to grad school. Not attractive. And remember back two weeks ago when everyone was crowing about MY elitism? This is pretty much the definition of elitism right here. Not the kind that's based on merit, the kind that's based purely on the arbitrary distinction of having chosen a career that involves a PhD. Ick.

No one's calling rape! No need to take the conversation there. Maybe I need to give you a specific hypothetical, to help you understand exactly what I'm referring to: Let's say I have a professor who's married with kids, and I need his help with something, perhaps a letter of reference. So I will obviously act very nice to him, and ask him politely for the letter. He says yes, he'd love to write the letter, and then he starts getting all flirty and personal. I am then put into a situation where I 1) Can't really respond to his overtures, even if I want to, because it's inappropriate to show interest in a married man (and a woman is quickly demonized if she does). 2) Can't confront the prof about his making me uncomfortable with his overtures, because saying it outright would be tantamount to accusing him of being a disloyal husband and a cad (excuse the old-timey language) 3) Can't really deal with it in any way until his letter has been written and its content/my future success is no longer at stake.

Please enough with calling everyone's perspective "privileged." You have no idea what his perspective is. He could be a deaf-mute transvestite Eskimo.

I don't know what you're doing with the reference to toothpaste, but other than that I agree with you. I think the problem in the US is that we're quite fixated on sexuality (as are most humans), but we try to keep our workplace sanitized in a very unrealistic way. It's like abstinence-only education: by not talking about these things, we create all sorts of weirdness. And teen pregnancy. I think the girl who wears glasses's post is actually quite indicative of the general feeling surrounding this type of discussion: "it makes me uncomfortable so let's just not even think about it, ok?" I partly think this is because we are all too shy to admit that this stuff matters SO MUCH, and our feelings might be hurt if we have to discuss it.

I'm not in the English department (thank god!), and what I'm talking about isn't a consenting sexual relationship. One would hope that in that sort of relationship, the people could talk openly about whatever topic. I'm more talking about the weird flirty vibes relationships that are much more common, and much more difficult to navigate. Not everyone wants to raise a big to-do or file a sexual harassment complaint, bringing all sorts of weird beaurocratic red-tape into a situation and possibly screwing up a good person's career over just a bit of "ickiness." I think doing something like that would just makes the university police the personal lives of their faculty and students even worse than they do already. No one wants that.

Here's my advice: after submitting, don't expect to get anything back from any of the schools you applied to for at least the next 2 months. Then wait and see where you get to visit in the spring. If you haven't heard anything in more than 3 months, you probably haven't gotten in. Have a back-up plan. The end.