Ok I am just going to be 100% honest with my advice. The first thing you need to do is immediately quit thinking about suicide. Any life is better than no life.
Now, let me tell you what happened to me last year. I applied to about 5 schools, all of which were much higher goals than I could reasonably handle with my level of experience at that time. I had only 1 summer of internship experience. So, I got rejected from every school, except one, which I interviewed at. Then I got waitlisted, and then rejected from that too. So then, I moved to a random city and found a really awesome lab tech position (that I am still doing until this fall), which gave me loads of experience.
This application cycle, I've applied to about 5 schools so far, and have gotten interview offers at all but one (the longshot school). I feel like a pro now compared to the other applicants, who remind me of myself from last year.
Therefore, my advice is to just find something meaningful to do with your extra year off, and then aim high next year. You REALLY won't regret it, trust me. I am glad I was rejected from that one school, because my interests have changed greatly and I have much better goals in my career. It was really a great gift to be forced to find experience in the real world for a year.
You can mail me if you want more details, and I can give you more specific advice. But seriously, just stop thinking that going to grad school this fall and death are your only two options.
Ok I am just going to be 100% honest with my advice. The first thing you need to do is immediately quit thinking about suicide. Any life is better than no life. Now, let me tell you what happened to me last year. I applied to about 5 schools, all of which were much higher goals than I could reasonably handle with my level of experience at that time. I had only 1 summer of internship experience. So, I got rejected from every school, except one, which I interviewed at. Then I got waitlisted, and then rejected from that too. So then, I moved to a random city and found a really awesome lab tech position (that I am still doing until this fall), which gave me loads of experience. This application cycle, I've applied to about 5 schools so far, and have gotten interview offers at all but one (the longshot school). I feel like a pro now compared to the other applicants, who remind me of myself from last year. Therefore, my advice is to just find something meaningful to do with your extra year off, and then aim high next year. You REALLY won't regret it, trust me. I am glad I was rejected from that one school, because my interests have changed greatly and I have much better goals in my career. It was really a great gift to be forced to find experience in the real world for a year. You can mail me if you want more details, and I can give you more specific advice. But seriously, just stop thinking that going to grad school this fall and death are your only two options.