sophiak119

Just a quick update....found out today that I got accepted into my top choice school. Thanks again everyone!

Hi everyone, I just wanted to say thank you all so much for your honesty, and your words of advice and encouragement. These are thoughts that I have been struggling with for some time now, and have felt really embarassed and ashamed to admit them, so it means a lot that so many of you had such helpful and thoughtful things to say to me. I really appreciate it. I decided that tomorrow morning I'm going to make a few calls and see if I can find a way to get in to see a counselor in my area. I've been thinking for a while now that it could be helpful, but I was scared to take those steps until now. I also had been thinking that maybe having these thoughts wasn't too unusual and maybe I was making too big of a deal out of them, but your responses have led me to realize that they may be more serious than I had thought. I also have been second guessing whether it is a good idea for me to attend grad school next year, whether or not I get accepted, since I'm not sure how stable I really am at the moment. I guess I will see if I do end up getting accepted anywhere, and whether or not talking to a professional helps, and then decide from there. Thanks again for all your inspirational stories and words of encouragement, I do feel a little less alone in the process after hearing from you all

Hi guys. This has been on my mind for a long time and it's been really really hard for me to share with anyone, so thanks for taking the time to listen. I finished applying to graduate programs and have been waiting to hear back to see if I get admitted anywhere. And the longer I wait, the more and more hopeless I am starting to feel. I really don't think I'm going to get in anywhere. I don't think I'm good enough. I started to think of a plan B for what I'll do if I get rejected everywhere, and I realized...I don't want to have a plan B. Nothing else seems worth it. It seems like this is my whole life, my whole future, my only option. The more and more I thought of it, the more I came to the realization.... I think that if I don't get into school anywhere I want to kill myself. I've been thinking this for about a month now. I know it sounds ridiculous and irrational but it seems like it's the only option for me. I've lost a very close friend to suicide in the past, and I know how painful it is to lose someone like that. I've been through tough times before, but I never wanted to follow through with it because I didn't want to hurt the people I love. Right now it seems like that's the only thing holding me back if I don't get in. grad school is my only chance for a future. If I don't get in, there is nothing else for me here. I know it's messed up. But I can't stop thinking like this. I am so behind in my schoolwork because I am constantly worrying about grad school and can't get myself to focus on anything else in my life. it seems like my only option left. I don't know what to do. (note -- this is not an I am actively going to hurt myself/I am a danger to myself right now/etc etc... I just want to make these thoughts go away. I'm not going to follow through with those thoughts. But I don't know how to stop thinking this way...it scares me.)