I have been with my partner for nine years and we have two children. He applied to PhD programs in History; we applied to three schools together (17 between us, total). He was rejected by one that has given me a funded offer, I was rejected from the second program (he hasn't heard back yet), and we both are waiting to hear back from the last. As thatjewishgirl said, it is really tricky, and I feel bad, almost, that I have gotten acceptances and he hasn't gotten one yet. However, hearing back from programs, even with bad news, has helped us prepare for the move we will be making. We cannot fathom living apart, and our children would suffer most if we did, I think. That being said, the one program we are both waiting on is the one I am least interested in, and I would probably end up attending a university that gave me a funded offer that is 4 hours away. At that point, if he got in to the institution I am less interested in, we would need to figure out how a crazy commute will work in our lives.
These discussions have LITERALLY been my life for the past month. What-ifs are utterly pointless to me yet they've been addicting conversation starters.
The beauty of applying to multiple places together, though, is that he has a guaranteed network of graduate students and faculty at the institution I will likely be going to. Our hope is that, worse comes to worst, he can take some classes non-matriculated and get into the program that way. At the very least, he be able to take classes that interest him and find a job outside of academia (I have held a full-time job for the past four years- he has been the one in school) and explore the world a little more. So, even if I am the only one going to school, we're thinking it's win-win at this point.
It's been a rough and interesting (and expensive!) application process for us both. We moved for his MA and he feels obligated we move for my PhD, but he is far more attached to academia than I...so I don't know! I am interested to hear other's stories and situations.
Good luck to you. As AurantiacaStella said, it's about compromise...