graduate33

I'm leaving in few days now, so it doesn't matter so much anymore. I did my best, and yes it was one awkward situation but I learned some valuable lessons from it. thanks for your post anyway.

Thanks for your understanding.

You missed the point completely. If you're not able to read into a sensitive situation then it's best to refrain from posting anything about it.

@Machiato: thanks for your comment. @Arrowfletch: it makes sense. Re:blackboard, when you officially drop a class, you can ask the instructor to keep you enrolled as a guest; which I did. I thus had access to the course material (and received all email communications) well after that, until I asked for some clarification on an topic which he never answered--from that moment on there was no articles posted on the bb site (or email updates) for this course anymore...

Haha! It can read like a bizarre thread but the situation was very uncomfortable in the beginning, I'm feeling much better about it now. Talking about awkwardness, would you believe me if I say that it looks like he froze my blackboard access to his course (yeah, I asked to stay enrolled on bb even if I dropped the class, so that I could read the articles that interested me) when I asked more info on a topic that could be relevant to my research, it happened toward the end of the semester...this is how far it goes. It doesn't make sense to grant me access than deny it when I want to know more about something...just to annoy me, I guess.

It indeed seems to be the way to go...

ok. I actually had to deal with him the other day because of an enrollment mistake in his department; he is the dgs. He was very kind and sorted things out with me and the graduate coordinator promptly. I took it that that he didn't hold any grudge against me anymore but then he sent my this random email mentioning the fact that I dropped his class a few months ago (as if he felt humiliated, and this he can't forgive), out of the blue. I explained why but it looks like he's now acting cold again. I asked if he wanted to have lunch before I leave town; he didn't even get back to me. I'm pissed because he was so nice the last time I spoke with him, I thought that even if we're parting ways we could have at least part in good terms. Now, I know it's time to let go for good but I would like to ask him face to face why he acted like such an a** with me although I apologized twice... I need to know. Do you think it's a good idea?

@selecttext: do you mean that considering what has happened I shouldn't feel disappointed at all but glad that he's now out of my life?

thanks for your responses, I really appreciate it! @ Zorah: maybe I did jump to conclusions, although my instincts tell me something was going on--and I do know that all and everything do not revolve around me! This whole situation really annoyed me; I'm new there and professors talk to each others, especially when they're in the same field. @ Pat:I leave it alone for now but if something weird comes up well I will have to say something, obviously. @IRtoni: he started the flirting, I would have never initiate that, I mean we're not on equal grounds! I've never flirt with a professor before--they're off limit--but with him I thought it was different... I thought that he would never do that if he wasn't seriously interested in me. So HE was unprofessional in the first place because he crossed a boundary with me and he's aware of that. It took him 3 months to tell me he was married... Registration is pretty easy in the university where I currently study: professors do nothing but agreeing to accept me in their course, I then have to email it to the registrar who takes care of enrolling me. I didn't know anybody in his class beforehand (I'm new here) so there was no way to get the syllabus from someone else. To officially drop a class, the prof. needs to send a confirmation email (2 lines) to the registrar. So all in all, it's not that big a deal for them. I dropped the class before attending it, explaining the reason for my choice, I don't think it's unprofessional at all but rather wise. Should he needed more info about my decision, he could have asked me, instead of just ignoring me. That's too easy a solution that only satisfies him because it implies that I do not have my say in this story and that what he says/thinks/whatever is more important than what I say/think/whatever. His behavior is pretty childish in my opinion. I'm also annoyed because before this story, I talked to him about applying for a phd into his department next fall and he vividly encouraged me but now my chances of getting in are blown (even though I had no guarantee, at least the bridge wasn't burnt) . Who is unprofessional here? Again, this story is not a big deal, I'm only disappointed that things had to go this way--it was not necessary.

@Fuzzy: I guess that I could do that and see what happens. Re: trash talk and admin decision, yes I'd draw correlation between the two, but again, I'd love to be proved otherwise, so I'm being patient. @asdfx3: me too, I thought that it wouldn't be a big deal to drop it (I'm a student after all, and that's what students do sometimes) but he has literally stopped talking to me from that moment on. Before that, there would be communication in person or email. At this stage, the best thing to do is letting go as there's not much I can do, unfortunately. I really need to focus on my readings... Thanks for your sound advice, I really appreciate it!

Thanks for your response Cup o' Joe. I haven't scheduled a meeting with the prof. as of yet, I only tried to talk to her after class, and my impression was that she didn't want to speak to me at all. I'd like to think that I'm wrong about the trash talk, I really do, but things are so unclear right now that it could be more than just an impression. I guess that I'll know for sure within the next few days... Right now, I'm trying my best to focus on my studies and finish this second semester as best as I can, then move on and forget about all of this...

Thank you for your response Bamafan. True, I should have known better but I really thought there was something honest going on there... So far, I think the trash talk got back to the admin of the grad school because I'm awaiting an answer from them re: a personal matter. It was positive when I asked two weeks ago, when I contacted them to follow up recently, well, it seems that they need more time to decide, people are busy etc...If I get a negative definite answer, I'll know for sure that the extend of his trash talk was really serious and will definitely go and talk to him to set things clear. If, it's positive I won't need to speak to him ever again and could move on in peace. I've learned my lesson, for sure.

Hi All, I'm currently dealing with a sensitive situation at my host university. I'm an international exchange student (from Europe), in the second year of my master, studying in the US for the first time. The European educational system differs from the American one in two major ways: we don't have many choices in terms of courses and our relationship with our professors are very distant and professional. I'm writing on this forum because I'm not sure what to do regarding the following matter and would welcome any advice: A recently tenured professor is giving me a bad name because I dropped his class. I explain: I had the opportunity to sit in on one his classes during the first semester (he's from a different department) and really liked his method of teaching. There was some serious flirting going on (he initiated it, and I must say that I was flattered because he's very handsome, he's less than 10 years older than me and he doesn't wear a ring on his finger, so from my perspective he was as available as I was, and we're both adults), but nothing really happened because he eventually said that he was married with 2 kids (he waited until the end of the semester to give me this info though!). Even though I felt a bit awkward that he waited so long to tell this, I didn't want any trouble and moved on. For the second semester, I really wanted to take his class on a new topic that I was interested in. I had to insist because he didn't get back to me the first 2 times. I insisted because I knew him a little and thought I could do ok in his class even if the subject was new. He finally agrees, but when I see the syllabus (that he kept secret all this time, and would only deliver to his already registered students) I realize that it'll be more difficult than I thought. So I emailed him (in a very polite and professional manner) to tell him that I won't take his class finally but choose a different one, in a different department. I didn't say that his class would be too difficult for me though. He never answered my email, but fine, I sort of know that prof. don't like when people drop their course but I didn't even started this one, so... A week after, I start with my other class and the prof - that I never met before, but who is friend with the other prof. - completely ignores me during the seminar. She wouldn't make eye contact, I waited after class to speak with her and introduce myself and she pretended she didn't see me. I could only guess that the angry prof. has spread whatever lies about me, because that doesn't make sense otherwise. She avoids talking to me in general, she doesn't care and responds to my emails very very briefly. Anyway, a month passes, and I see the angry prof. at the bus stop. We ignore each other, but then I feel bad and email him to ask if I could drop by his office hours to talk with him about what happened, as it seems to be a bigger deal than I thought. He doesn't answer me but get the registrar of the graduate school to send me an email saying that i'm officially dropped from his class (which I forgot to do before) because I do not attend it. I was bummed that he would do such a thing instead of speaking to me directly. I responded to ask if I could still access the readings on blackboard (the topic is really interesting), and apparently I can still do so (but he didn't respond to say yes). I'm a little sad because he was a bit of an inspiration even if he's not the best prof. I've met, he was the nicest I've met when I arrived in the US. I didn't realized that dropping his course for another one would be such a big thing for him, it's just a class. Did I hurt his feelings/ego? Does it justifies the silent treatment? I don't think so. I know now that he probably turned into an enemy, and I'm not sure what to do about that. Any advice? Thanks in advance for your help.