Raoliteri

Thank you, it does make a lot of sense.

Usually your MA doesn't count toward your PhD courses. Some schools may recognize some courses as equivalencies, but that is entirely up to the department. Usually it's not many courses and I don't think it can be a whole year of coursework. At least that's what I've found out during my research. PhD is coursework beyond your MA degree, even in the same field.

No, of course I didn't think you were playing it down. This is a forum where each person can share their experiences and enrich our understanding of how people are coping, what they are thinking, etc. It's very helpful. I did my MA in the US as well, but not so recently. So, going back to school and committing to 5 years at this time of my life makes it an extremely difficult decision to make, since I may well have to return and do the same job I am doing already. Maybe my career would turn around completely, we can never know that. I am simply trying to find rationale so that the attractive part of the goal would prevail, as opposed to the repelling one. I am still wavering - at moments I think I am close to making a decision to go, and then the very next day I am thinking - no, it's not going to work out. It's exhausting and I am tired of it. I decided to give myself another break from deciding, so perhaps when everything settles in some days I'd feel less hesitant. I have about two weeks to make up my mind so I will have to eventually make a decision.

Yale! Location matters too, and I doubt that Purdue even for systems stuff would be drastically better than Yale, maybe marginally so, but in terms of future prospects for jobs or the academia, I'd opt for Yale.

I think it makes much sense in what you're saying, and I share your views in that we don't sell our souls and bodies and that we can at least try. But in weighing the pros and cons, every situation is different, obviously since every person's history is unique. In my situation, since I am coming from abroad and since I need to make basically a life decision, the pros and cons are at a stalemate right now. Unlike the US citizens, my visa will be valid for the duration of the stipend. When (and if) I finish, I will be much older, and given the immigration laws and from what I could gather, foreign nationals are not easily sponsored by companies for work visas, especially if there are tons of equally qualified Americans (I'm in the social sciences, not in engineering or CS where chances of foreign nationals getting a job in the US are much greater). So, if I do decide to take the opportunity and at least try, I should try seriously, not with the intent to give up. And trying seriously means that at least I should put in all the effort I can in at least completing the courses and examinations and then decide whether it is for me or not. That means I won't be able to take time off and go back home in case of emergency, because my stipend is conditioned upon my progress, and has clearly time constraints. So, yes, each one of us has to weigh the pros and cons differently and look a bit further into the future. For me personally, the goal at this moment looks equally attractive and repellent, and obviously I need to do more research on every detail, whether it is about living in the US after the degree, or whether it is likely to complete the whole thing in 4 years, and if not, then worry about funding and visa issues, etc. I congratulate those who were able to overcome their fears and do the right thing. I am still not there.

I fear that I am about to do the same. I have not made a decision, but will have to make it soon, and I am sensing that my anxieties and doubts will not simply disappear. I guess it's normal to an extent, but try not to obsess about it since you already made the decision. If it makes you go crazy, just try doing something else immediately - go see a friend, take a walk or go to the gym, watch a comedy, etc. Over time you'll probably be more certain that you've made the right decision and try to view the good things about what's gonna be happening with you when the program starts - new environment, new interesting people, colleagues who will appreciate your work/research, etc. I tend to think that even if there are to be negative aspects, things usually sort out. If you had given yourself enough time to look at your decision from all those million angles that you mentioned, you've most likely made the right decision. So, just try to relax and celebrate

I have been reading about Approach-Avodiance conflict and it is exactly what we are experiencing. Whether the anxieties and the fear of such a dramatic change would dominate and lead to perpetually negative feelings, or the positive aspects would prevail. Maybe it's also a personality trait, but I am not a psychologist and I am not sure whether it's wise to make deep analysis over this at a time when we need to concentrate on deciding. Still, it doesn't hurt to know that such a phenomenon exists and informing ourselves better can only be beneficial to understanding what's going on with us. I guess you should give yourself some time and try to do things unrelated to your decision-making process, so that things could become clearer. I still have a few weeks to make up my mind on one offer, and until April 15 on the other. It's crucial not to panic and be overwhelmed with negative feelings, and if such occur, just take a break and start doing something pleasant - watch a film, exercise, or go out with friends and relax. Perhaps tomorrow you'll look at everything from a different perspective.

Thanks much, it does. I know rationally that such thoughts are a distraction and a source of all kinds of anxieties to kick in. I guess a coping technique would be to disrupt such negative thoughts or anxieties by making a break from deliberation, taking a walk or doing some exercise to clear your mind, or even taking a break of a day or two on trying to decide, and then getting back to weighing things out. It could be a longer process, taking days, but it helps. I still haven't made my decision, but I am closer to making it.

Hello fellow candidates: I applied to two schools for a PhD position and I was accepted at both. I was ecstatic at first, thinking of what would be the better option for me, but then the more I was analyzing and thinking, the less enthusiastic I became. Now I am at a point of rethinking the whole idea and asking myself whether I should accept an offer at all. I would be coming from outside the US, and thinking that it would be almost impossible to travel back home in the first couple of years (or more) given the course load and other work (TA, RA, research, conference articles...), makes me very anxious about committing to such long-term obligation, and I certainly wouldn't want to let anybody down at the department (and myself as well) by withdrawing or not giving my best. Perhaps this is just an initial panic or intimidation of the unknown, but I am becoming more anxious and I am trying to think as clearly as possible what my priorities are at this moment. Something tells me that applying to two schools and being accepted at both is a chance that must not be missed, perhaps the last one since I am in my late 30s (this alone adding to my dilemmas, perhaps I am too old to again start a new life in another country?). Therefore, my main fear is whether I would be able to make it work over such a long period, and family is very important to me. I'd be devastated if I lost a member of family while abroad and not be able to return for a fair amount of time. Anyone else facing similar dilemmas or fears? Any good piece of advice? Thanks a lot.

Thanks a lot, that's useful advice. Perhaps I should add that school A is in Canada, and school B in the US. In terms of ranking, school A is some 50 places lower than school B, yet the research they do at this point seems more appealing, but that's only based on what I could read online. I will not be able to visit the open houses and make an informed decision based on first-hand insight, so at this point I base my inclination on my gut feeling. So, if I politely explain my situation and dilemmas, I shouldn't fear that the graduate coordinator would be put off by my requesting more funding, right?

Hello all: I am an international student and I've recently received two offers of fully funded PhD positions. School A is in the north and School B down south. I was inclined on accepting School A's offer since the research with the professors and the department there seem to suit me better. However, funding at School A is full but barely sufficient to make ends meet. On the other hand, School B offers better funding, is generally better ranked, and yet the coursework and program seem relatively different to what I'd like to be doing, however all within scope. So I have been intensively deliberating for the past week and I still cannot make up my mind. Even considering climate and living, all seems in favor of School B, but somehow my heart and mind tell me I'd be happier with School A. I suppose I'd go with School A right away (even if it's ranked lower) had they offered more funding. Do you think it's wise to try to negotiate a better financial package with School A as politely and as delicately as possible, or it might be understood as an arrogance on my part to ask for additional funds once admitted? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.