ramo62003

Thanks widefellow for the feedback. I will try to add more supporting details for my argument, and also focus on the important logic problems. I concur with you that these two points are important. Thanks

Thank you very much for the detailed response. I see the main weakness in my essay: - Planning-> More specific examples which will lead to stronger thesis as well. - Grammar-> mainly parallelism. - Using vague terms, like "this". I think that most of the above problems occur due to the limited time of the essay. Do you have any advice for me to improve my skills in writing (other than outlining my essay)? I still have about 3-4 weeks for my GRE exam.

Thanks Sujon for the rating. Also, any feedback will be highly appreciated.

Hi there, Can you please rate my essay and give some feedback. I am trying to improve my skills but can't see my own weaknesses. Essay topic: Educational institutions have a responsibility to dissuade students from pursuing fields of study in which they are unlikely to succeed. Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position. Should educational institutes help their students in choosing their field of studies? Some people may argue that such a decision might have positive effect. Others might have a different perspective. Despite the fact that the educational institutions may give their students a favor by dissuade them from pursuing a fields with lower successful rates, this for sure will not be helpful for all students. First of all, it is important to notice that most success comes from putting people in the right place. Although there are certain fields have better market in the industry, but if a person does not have the passion for his field, he/she most likely won't excel. This situation remind me of one of my friends who studied chemical engineering just because he heard that oil companies always hire people with this major and that they are paying their employees good. Unfortunately, my friend worked hard to get his bachelor’s degree, but once he graduated and stared to work in a well known company, he did not like his job and now he is planning to come back to school and do a degree in electrical engineering, the major that he always admire. Thus, it is always important to allow students follow their passions and choose whatsoever field because at the end people always do well when they do what they love. Another point that we should consider is the negative effect that might happen for the companies in the certain field that is considered not very successful. If the educational institutions always deter their students from going a certain field such as computer engineering, we will see a big effect for many companies working in this industry. Lacking the new graduate for a certain field will have a serious effect. Therefore, it is very important to allow student to go all possible fields without deterring them from going to certain ones. From all of the above examples, we can conclude that educational institutions should not use any pressure on students in order to deter them from "pursuing fields of study in which they are unlikely to succeed". Because that will have a negative effect on the students' future and the quality of their work, and also will have a big impact on the companies in that certain field.

Hi everyone, I am non-native English speaker. Also, I limited myself to 30 mins. It is OK to be harsh in your feedback. I still have about 4 weeks and I am trying to improve as much as possible. The prompt: "On Balmer Island, where mopeds serve as a popular form of transportation, the population increases to 100,000 during the summer months. To reduce the number of accidents involving mopeds and pedestrians, the town council of Balmer Island should limit the number of mopeds rented by the island's moped rental companies from 50 per day to 25 per day during the summer season. By limiting the number of rentals, the town council will attain the 50 percent annual reduction in moped accidents that was achieved last year on the neighboring island of Seaville, when Seaville's town council enforced similar limits on moped rentals." My response: The letter tries to make a direct connection between the increased number of accidents in Blamer Island and the number of mopeds during the summer, but at the same time, it makes several of unjustified assumptions which make its argument flawed. There no evidence proves that the high number of mopeds during the summer in Blamer Island is the reason behind the high rate of accidents. The author basically made this assumption without giving any supportive data such as a report from the police department prove this direct relationship. The reason could be simply due to the poor designs of the streets in the island, or the lack for a law enforcement traffic. The list of possible causes is endless. Thus, making such an assumption without further explanation is a very weak point in the author's argument. Furthermore, the author in the letter assume that what have worked in the neighboring island will work for the Blamer Island. Despite the fact that this might have a percentage of correctness, the author did not provide any details of the other island. This assumption may hold true only if the other island is very similar to the Blamer. However, the other island might have great designed streets and existence of trained police officers, and the numbers of mopeds is its only problem. Thus, without providing more information about the neighboring island, we cannot assume that what have worked for them will work in the Blamer island. By observing the above unjustified assumptions, we can conclude that the argument makes multiple unwarranted assumptions. Therefore, the author's argument will remain weak and invalid, unless he addresses all of the mentioned assumptions and provide more data and info that proves the direct relationship between the number of accidents and the increased number of mopeds. Best