janaca

A year ago, I was accepted into this multi-university "project" that organizes events and sponsors research and "collaboration" on a topic really relevant to my research. I actually found out about the project because I had a chapter solicited for a book that some faculty working with this project. Then last month I got an email from a.) Informing me that I'd been left off the listserve for the entire year and thus hadn't been notified of any events, and b.) giving the program for their final "team meeting"--because this was apparently their last year of existence--where the one rockstar student in my department was giving a presentation on the exact topics of my book chapter. And I am just venting here: but I really don't know why they h*** they bothered to tell me about the listserve and the year of missed opportunities and this d*** meeting--which was, by the time I got the email, one two weeks away, and located outside the U.S., so it's not like I could have possibly attended anyway. And then my advisors (who are also the advisors of the advisors of said rockstar student) act like they don't understand why I would have possibly wanted to at that meeting.

Thank you for this post. I don't have much to add except to say that I can relate, although my reasons for finding dating in grad school basically impossible are a bit different. I am 35 and a queer woman and just feel like I made the decision to have the career I want instead of a relationship when I committed to doing a PhD. I was single when I started grad school at 33, and have only been on a handful of awkward dates in the whole three years I've been back in school. For me, grad school just takes up so much time and energy, and the number of people I come into contact with at school-related activities close to my age with my same orientation is basically zero. Then when I go on dating sites, I sometimes meet fun people close to my age, but they're usually about to get their degrees and leave--while I still have at least three more years in my program--or else they have nice, stable jobs and want someone who can do fun things with them on evenings and weekends. And I'm thinking, evenings and weekends? What are those? It's hard. And it's really frustrating sometimes, especially when it seems like so many people around me--including queer faculty mentors--had no problems meeting partners in grad school, because they went at the "right" age. So I guess I just want to say that I get how dating in grad school can be really hard for a lot of people for all kinds of reasons. It's real, and it's not any sort of personal failure--although, for me at least, it often feels that way. Things we'll get better, though. You will find a relationship, if that's what you want. Sometimes it just takes a long time, and sometimes grad school can really throw a wrench in the process.

Thanks so much, all, for these helpful responses! Now this exam result has had a week to settle in, I'm glad just to have passed and am, as some of you have suggested, going to for on writing the best prospectus (and dissertation) I can. Hopefully that will be easier now that I'm at least done with coursework. In my program, we do a self-designed prelims list, but we also teach and take two classes during the fall term while we are preparing. I let the teaching and coursework take over in the fall and then didn't really get going on the prelims until winter term, when I had a lighter teaching load and no grad classes.

Thanks fuzzy logician. I think this is all sound advice. I think I was really stressed out because the feedback really made it sound like the problems with the my intellectual abilities, when I'm pretty sure, looking back, that I just didn't prep very well. For one thing, I read all the criticism chronologically, starting with the oldest stuff first and running out of time to read the most receive and relevant articles and then left myself only a couple of days to go over all my notes and no time think about how I'd synthesize the material. But of course my committee doesn't really know this--and probably wouldn't understand how/why I grad student would prep for prelims so unstrategically. Time management is not my strong suit! I guess I'm lucky I passed and have a chance to show then I'm smarter than they think--and to try to improve my time management skills. Anyway, your comments have helped a lot!

Hi all, It has been a very long time since my last post, but I have a bit of a troubling situation that is leading me here for any advice anyone might have. I took my prelims (which in my program is a two-hours oral exam) the other day and barely passed. My committee expressed a lot of concerns about my abilities to recall my readings on the spot and express my ideas in a coherent matter in front of an audience. They wrote a really surprisingly negative letter about my performance that will remain in my file indefinitely, even though I ultimately passed. I have already emailed my advisor asking if she really thinks it makes sense for me to continue in the program, given all the concerns expressed in my letter, but there is another issue. I think that the reason I did so poorly on the exam is that I spent the entire summer during which my classmates were all doing their prelims reading instead working on a conference paper that my advisor wanted to me to expand for publication in an edited volume. It was an enormous honor that she invited me to expand and revise this paper for her volume, but I also felt very unprepared to that, as a second-year graduate student who had switched fields late in my course of study and already felt that I was behind where I should have been in terms of general knowledge in my field. I did mention in my email that I thought (or hoped) I could have done better if I had spent the summer studying instead of working on that paper. I am really doubtful, however, that any of this is going to pursued my committee to do anything to modify this negative letter that is now in my file--and I have the sense that in my program, these letters mean a lot. At this point, I guess I'm just not sure how to interpret what happened or whether it is worth continuing in my program not that I'm sort of marked as a really marginal student--and when I feel that the way I ended up getting marked this way was perhaps a bit unfair?

deleting my comment

Thanks, Imaginary! I guess this is all about trying and trying again--oh yes, and patience!!!--as I certainly learned this year, too...

So after thinking I might get shut out this year, I'm off the wait list at U Mich English and Women's Studies! And now I find myself waiting on a shortlist/wait list situation at Emory, too. I have been in shock for the past three days. I also got rejected at ten other schools this season, many of which I was thinking were "safeties." They most certainly were not! I guess this goes to show PhD admissions really are mostly about fit--and that all it takes is one acceptance. Best of luck with your final decisions, and thanks for the moral support through all of this, y'all!

Thanks so much for your input, EnfantTerrible! This application season has been an exercise in patience, but I will continue to hold tight and hope for the best, then...

Thanks for the advice, Lyonessrampant! I did ask the program for some info on the wait list pretty recently, and the response I got sort of made it sound like they didn't make offers until funding was available--but I couldn't tell if that was an across-the-board policy or if they just meant they didn't make offers to waitlisters until funding was available. So I'm going crazy overanalyzing the email now.... Haha guess I'll ask them my question more directly if I don't hear anything fairly soon, though. Thank you again!!!

Hi all! So I'm a huge lurker on this forum, but I have finally worked up the courage to post a question to all you brilliant literary scholars. My question is this: In my current master's program, it is common practice for the department to extend about 25 first-round offers for about 15 funded spots. They do this expecting ten of the 25 accepted applicants to turn down their offers, and this seems to always work out my program. What it means for waitlisters, though, is that 10 people have to reject their offers before anyone gets in off the wait list. So I'm wondering, does anyone know if PhD programs also tend to make more initial offers than they will actually be able to fund? I'm thinking specifically about really small programs top 20 programs...that only accept a couple of people per year... Not thinking about any program in particular lol JK. Anyway, do y'all think programs like that would extend more offers than they have funded spots, or do you think they'd go straight to the wait list after someone turns them down? Thanks soooo much if anyone has info or thoughts on this!!!!

Also, in a weird turn of events, I've recently found out that I'm high up on wait lists at two of my top choice programs--and rejected at every single one of my many "safeties." I couldn't be more honored, but I also couldn't be more anxious.... Wow I had no idea applying to PhD programs would be so intense!

Congrats Feminist Corgi!!! I am so glad Minnesota worked out for you! Minneapolis is a fabulous place!!!

Everyone who didn't get into NYU but got into a top ten school or an ivy. I could read those comments all day they are so good.